Single Parents

Will a judge consider....

My ex has a record.  A DUI and a felony due to the fact he stole money from a former employer to support his gambling addiction.  He was in rehab twice for the gambling addiction.  However these things happened in 2004 & 2006.  Will a judge still consider this even though it happened awhile ago?  I don't think he is a changed man I just think he hasn't gotten caught lately.  Should I even bother bringing it up or will I just look "mean" if I do??  FYI still trying to get in with an attorney to ask these questions too.  No one seems to want to call me back though ugh!!!

Re: Will a judge consider....

  • Don't worry about looking "mean" if it means your protecting the safety and well-being of your child(ren). That's the biggest mistake you can make.

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  • imagePrettyInPearls23:
    Don't worry about looking "mean" if it means your protecting the safety and well-being of your child(ren). That's the biggest mistake you can make.

     

    I disagree but I am on the stepmom side. At the end of the day you will be attached to this man for the next 18 years through this child. You can either rehash old history, throw kicks to the gut and trash him, or you can be civil and raise the child in a world in which BOTH his parents are treated and spoken of only respectfully.

    You did not have a problem with his gambling/drinking when you started a family with him/dated him. In my opinion you need to sit down with him air your concerns and come to an agreement you are both on the same page with. Going through court and dragging each other through the mud ONLY hurts the child.  If that's the road you want to go down prepare for the next 15+ years of fighting. Life is far too short for that.

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  • nineoceans---you don't know whether this was a planned child or not. Just because someone has a child with someone who is a loser, doesn't mean said loser should be allowed to have certain rights just because someone "chose" to have the child. Yes, abortion and adoption are options, but some people are against abortion and want to keep their child.

    In this case, I don't think having an addiction to gambling is a big enough reason to limit visitation etc. With drug abuse and alcoholism, as well as domestic abuse in my EX's history I am most certainly fighting for the safety and wellbeing of my child. Ex is supposedly engaged, and I think she is a complete idiot. Anyone who would want to be with him needs a reality check lol

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  • imageNineoceans:

    imagePrettyInPearls23:
    Don't worry about looking "mean" if it means your protecting the safety and well-being of your child(ren). That's the biggest mistake you can make.

     

    I disagree but I am on the stepmom side. At the end of the day you will be attached to this man for the next 18 years through this child. You can either rehash old history, throw kicks to the gut and trash him, or you can be civil and raise the child in a world in which BOTH his parents are treated and spoken of only respectfully.

    You did not have a problem with his gambling/drinking when you started a family with him/dated him. In my opinion you need to sit down with him air your concerns and come to an agreement you are both on the same page with. Going through court and dragging each other through the mud ONLY hurts the child.  If that's the road you want to go down prepare for the next 15+ years of fighting. Life is far too short for that.

    How is ensuring all facts are considered "rehashing old history, throwing kicks to the gut and trashing him?"  Being civil with your X and ensuring a child's best interests are protected are vastly different things.

    Would it have been easier to give in and let XH have everything he wanted in terms of visitation?  Absolutely yes-and the master manipulator would probably be on better terms with me right now than he is.  I don't care one bit that XH or his family hate me or think I'm an awful person.  The reality is that I did the reserach, I talked to the child psychologists and XH's 4 OWI's, 17 alcohol related arrests, dual diagnosis of alcoholism and bipolar disorder, several failed rehab attempts, no driver's license, no job, and no residence were important facts when determining a custody/visitation arrangement.  Someone needs to stand up and look out for LO.

    Both parents sure as h*ll better be talking about the other parent respectfully in the presence of the child at all times regardless of the circumstances. 

    I'm sure we all would have loved to sit down at the kitchen table and talked like adults with our X's about a custody arrangment that makes everyone happy.  ConfusedThat's not exactly reality for most situations.

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  • I would think it would be somewhat relevant because it's an example of his character.  And even though it was awhile ago, it still speaks to what type of person he is.  After all, YOU likely don't have a felony on your record.

    I say come armed with all that you have. And FFS, don't worry about looking mean, you are simply stating facts.

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  • imageCPA04:

    Both parents sure as h*ll better be talking about the other parent respectfully in the presence of the child at all times regardless of the circumstances. 

    I'm sure we all would have loved to sit down at the kitchen table and talked like adults with our X's about a custody arrangment that makes everyone happy.  ConfusedThat's not exactly reality for most situations.

    Definitely agree regarding the first paragraph.

    I laugh out loud when I thought of the image the second paragraph brought to mind.  Of course that would be great, in a perfect world where it's all  puppies, rainbows, and unicorns.  And maybe we'd also hold hands, dance in a circle, and sing together too.  The reality is that many of our situations involve exes who are extremely difficult to deal with and, even though we've *attempted* it the civil way, we've realized through trial and error that it simply doesn't work with men like that.  Nice gets you nowhere and most everyone here has realized that the hard way.

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