I don't know why I even try (Food Vent)

ABColeslaw

I am trying my best to cook top 8 free.  Provide tasty, varied meals for my son and hubbs.....and I'm eating it too!  I have made sure that they have a cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner and I'm doing my best to research, find recipes, modify recipes and figure out how to change recipes to account for the changes, like in how I cook them, how long, temp...if any other ingredients need to be more or less.  Its emotionally taxing, often the food is less tasty than I would like and 1.  My son being 16 months will throw it on the floor, its expensive and time consuming to make so even though I know its something toddlers do, it depresses me.  And 2.  My husband has been getting super critical about it.  Tonight I made some hash brown potatos to go with the allergy free pancakes and turkey bacon.  I used Safflower oil which is a high heat oil and everything I found on the web told me to cook in on medium high.  Well apparently that was too high and they were more brown than I wanted them and not as mushy as I wanted them.  My husband the whole time was saying you cook things too high and then ruin them.  And then he proceeded to take a bite from his plate when he was done and then go over to the trash and scrape the rest in the garbage. 

We agreed no allergens in the house, but I am not allergic to any of this stuff, I'm trying my best to make tasty good food and I feel like I'm getting smacked down every time I try.  It makes me want to buy some cheddar cheese and wine and relax in front of the tv and let him fend for himself and do the cooking for him and Asher.  But of course, cheddar and wine....not allowed in the house!

magdusia

{HUGS} - I'm sorry!

I can't tell you how many times I have cried b/c my food was thrown on the floor or pushed away and it's not like you're just whipping up something quick -it's dedication and it takes time when it comes to cooking for FA ppl.  But the good news is that the throwing does stop. My son stopped throwing food at around 20 months and i though it would NEVER stop.  He now pushes it aside which make me emotional but i can at least just put it in the fridge for the next day.

I would be really pissed if my DH ever became critical of my cooking. It's not easy, let him try!  I learned that regular cooking takes practice, but cooking FA friendly takes 10 times as much practice.  Just curious, how did your DH eat before you came along? he needs to put himself in your shoes.  And perhaps cook once a week at least.  it's a lot of pressure!

I think you need to go to a wine bar w/ your girl friends and have that wine and cheese.  You are allowed to eat normally when you aren't home, right?

I think you also need to step back with cooking a little.  You make too much, and you need to go back to being simple. Experiment once a week or once a month with a dish and the rest of the time -make everything as simple as possible. I made spaghetti and turkey meatballs last night (you can totally make it allergy friendly) and i made it for 2 to 3 days.  So my DH will have it every other day for dinner.   When i was making the tiny turkey meatballs, i also made extra turkey burger patties for the days in between so my DH will pretty much eat turkey/meatballs=day 1, turkey burger=day 2, turkey meatballs=day 3, turkey burger day=4.  I might throw some different sided for the burger and throw different veggies into the pasta each time but that just makes my life so much easier.  I also make different patties and freeze them. Freeze as much as possible.  Crock pot has been my BFF!    

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Last week i actually purchased a magnet pad for the fridge which has a weekly food plan.  If you want examples of what the plan looks like, i can copy it tonight and post it.. it's really allergy friendly and ridiculously simple. I pretty much write down Monday = abc; Tuesday = abc.. this way i know what to do and i'm not sitting aimlessly trying to figure out what to make.  Last week was the first time i actually spent less time in the kitchen this week.

sorry for the long one.. I wish i could learn how to just reply with a simple "HUGS and i'm sorry you're going through this" post. 

btw - why is wine not allowed in the house.  With or without allergies, your son will not be drinking it -it's a mommy / daddy (or just mommy) drink. 

luvmagoldn

I'm sorry.  Your DH is being really insensitive and I would tell him so.  I think you should suggest that you split the cooking duties.  If he is highly allergic as well he REALLY needs to take on some of the responsibility.

I am angry for you that your DH is behaving this way.  Having your LO push away food is frustrating enough but understandable - he's a toddler!  Your DH has no such excuse.

Again, I'm sorry.  =( 

DandelionMom

((hugs))  The kids rejecting or wasting the food is bad enough but understandable -- they're little.  But if my H did something like that I would just fall apart. 

Talk to him, tell him how you felt after that happened.  Remind him that you're trying very hard and that you're facing a very difficult task.  If he doesn't get it, stop cooking for him.  Cook for you and DS. 

g_belle

I"m so sorry you're having a rough day.  The throwing food thing kills me.  Not just the time and energy that went into it- but it's watching him throw money straight onto the floor (or feeding it to the dog...).  It is a phase and it does get better.

My DH isn't a fan of "fake" food as he calls it and while he'll usually try a bite or two of allergy safe stuff- he won't each much.  I would flip out on him if he threw it away though.  That's just plain insulting and very unsupportive.

To find a compromise- I agree with the others that you are cooking a lot more than what you could probably get away with.  I found a few safe recipes that are allergy friendly and don't require any "fake" ingredients.  We do lots of grilled meats/veggies/crock pot soups.  Most of the food I make doesn't require milk/wheat/eggs anyway so there's no need to sub ingredients.  I only try one or two experiments a week and try to save those for the weekends when we have more time.  When I do cook- I cook in pretty large batches (only works if you have a deep freezer).  If it's taco night- I'll cook 5 lbs of safe taco meat.  I make giant pots of bbq sauce.  If I make soup- I'll make a triple batch.  Allergy safe muffins (once I know I like the recipe) are usually made 4 dozzen at a time.  That way I have safe things ready to defrost. 

Totally your comfort zone- but we do compromise on keeping non safe foods in the house.  We are totally egg and peanut free.  DH does have 1/2 a gallon of regular milk in the fridge but only drinks it after J is in bed and it stays on the top shelf.  We do have regular pasta that I make in a seperate pot for pasta nights.  Again- kepts out of J's reach.  And I agree with the others about the wine- he couldn't have it anyway so "mommy's juice" should totally be allowed. 

ohioroots

I'm so sorry...I know its frustrating. I have had my DH share cooking duties (when we first got married 7 years ago) and it was a frustrating month that we tried it. He would only ever cook a main meat dish, never any sides and he wouldn't clean up because "I cooked, I shouldn't have to clean" (even though I did both on nights that I cooked).

Anywho, I think we both learned from the experience that its not as easy as it looks. Now if I cook something that doesn't turn out quite right, I'm usually apologizing for ruining dinner and his reply "hey, I didn't have to cook it, so I can't complain." The other thing we do is always keep something in the freezer for those nights when things REALLY don't turn out. Maybe if you make some safe turkey nuggets or something keep a bunch in the freezer, or have the equivalent of peanut butter and jelly on hand. If your DH and DS don't like whats being served, they always have that to fall back on.