Sensitivity on parenting abilities

BrendaLou1969

I find myself very upset when people try and tell me things about raising my own child.  I'm wondering if I am more upset about it because of my age?  When I was 22 I probably would have welcomed help and suggestions, but now, after reading dozens of baby care books, I feel I know more than the numnuts that are offering advice (especially my MIL).  Do you think age has anything to do with it?

racampbell1

For me I think I was more sensitive when I was younger, in general as I've gotten older and crabbier I care less about what other people think   But when it comes to people telling you what to do with your own kid - its a lot harder not to care about criticism, because we are all doing the very best we can, right?  We had a LOT of sleep issues with DD, and everyone had something to say about it. I eventually had to get a thicker skin and have faith that what we were doing was the right thing, since we knew our DD the best.  With relatives, I try to just smile and say "thanks for your input" and then ignore it if I don't feel its right for our family.  Easier said than done though!

MyPunkinPie

IMO, age does not factor into sensitivity about parenting. 3rd party advice about anything can only bother you if you let it. I view others' opinions and stuff I read in books to be guidelines and/or ideas, not necessarily rules to live by. The people who offer up opinions so easily are not in my house at 3 a.m. when my kid is wide awake and turning his Rain Forest music mobile on and off for the billionth time so, no, they don't get to tell me how I should put him to be earlier/later/right after a bottle/without a bottle/with music/without music...

See how I didn't let that bother me?

 

stever

The main person who criticizes me is my dad, who is a follower of the "let your kids eat dog crap and lick trash cans cuz it's good for their immune systems" philosophy.

Most other people tend to keep their mouths shut.

BrideBuddies

I don't necessarily think it's us older moms who are more sensitive. 

I do think more people have lost the ability to filter what they say and be polite about having a differing opinion on a particular matter.

I blame the media.  (HAHAHA)

ateytelb

I actually like listening to other people's suggestions.Sometimes there could be some real useful pieces of advice. The rest of the time I try not to take anything personally.

ScoobyM

I think parenting style is so much a part of who you are it is hard to not be sensitive when people comment on it.  I still struggle with not feeling defensive when people respond to my stories about my kids with their success in dealing with a similar issue - it often makes me feel like they are trying to tell me I'm doing it wrong since I am still dealing with something they have conquered.  But I know that it is really my lack of confidence in myself that makes me feel that way because even after I consider their suggestion, most of the time I end up sticking with my own approach.  I've actually stopped raising parenting issues or asking for advice from people that I know don't share my style or philosophy because I anticipate feeling this way and it's not helpful - I already know I probably wouldn't take their advice anyway.

The exception is my mom;  I still talk to her about everything going on with the kids even though a lot of the time I don't agree with her advice.  But with her I am able to tell her I don't agree, so that helps.

gimmietimmies

Don't think it is an age thing. I was pretty sensitive to everything with L, because I was young. I think the difference between me now and me then is I was very much a people pleaser and I was teriffied of confrontation. I've learned how to be assertive and snarky and tune people out when necessary. That is not an age thing for me either. I was painfully (and paralyzing) shy, and I knew I needed to get over that.

So now when people put in their unsolicited 2 cents in, I can choose to listen and use it, listen and ignore, or give them a witty comeback. In public, strangers usually get the latter. It's fun.

ETA: Some people will always think they know more than you, even if you were a PhD in child development, they'd try and talk to you like a 1st grade child. I would seriously mess with those ones. "Gee, MIL, I thought taking baby out in -30 weather in only a onsie would strengthen his immune system." "Oh, thank you, I had NO IDEA about XYZ, I'm just the mom."