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2ndTimeEpiphany

Our CW at the agency reviewed our Dear Birthparent letter and said it looks good, but she encouraged us to be more "Relaxed" in it.   I'm not sure how to change some of the words to seem more relaxed - she didn't like my use of the word "eventually" and "complement".  

She also said that we need to include information about our age as well as the age of the child we are looking to be matched with and ethnicity.    I'm not sure where to put those into the profile book.    If we were doing a book similar to a scrapbook, we could insert the form they use, but since we are doing a photo book from an online supplier, we need to include it within the book.  

 I felt great about my profile until we got this feedback - she didn't even really look at the whole book....   now I'm feeling lost.

Dr.Loretta

Aw, I know it sounds like a lot, but those sound like minor comments. Maybe take a step back for a little while and look at it again tomorrow?

I'd need to know how you used eventually and complement in it to know what she meant.

Do you have a part of your profile where you introduce yourselves? You can include that you're 28 and have known your DH for X years, or something along those lines. For ethnicity, maybe incorporate something about the amount of diversity where you live, and that you're looking forward the possibility of sharing that with a child of a different ethnic background than your own.

Chin up. It will be fabulous. We had to take out some of our original pictures before our SW said it was ready.

2ndTimeEpiphany

Here is the part out of the letter -

 Through dating, we found that we were amazing partners and wonderful complements to each other and eventually, Beth made a spur of the moment decision to propose marriage.

 

I guess it does sound formal... ugh... I have to think of a way to re-write it and get the same idea across.

Dr.Loretta

2ndTimeEpiphany:

Here is the part out of the letter -

 Through dating, we found that we were amazing partners and wonderful complements to each other and eventually, Beth made a spur of the moment decision to propose marriage.

 

I guess it does sound formal... ugh... I have to think of a way to re-write it and get the same idea across.

It's not that bad, just a little clunky. Maybe talk more about how you're a great team and that over time you realized that you wanted to marry your DH, so you proposed. I think what your CW was trying to get across is that you want to use simple, clear language. You have no idea if you're presenting yourself to someone with a GED or a PhD candidate, and "they" say that the average person has a 6th grade reading level, so you want to be able to speak to anyone.

You'll do fine, I promise!

2ndTimeEpiphany

Thanks :-)

mommytoconnor

Don't take it personal.  The agency just wants to make you sound as if you are the ideal couple. It's their job to sort of market you to birthparents.  When I wrote my letter I started off by saying that I didn't exactly know how to write a letter to someone who has blessed me by selecting me, and then I just went into a little bit about myself and things that we enjoy doing as a family.  I made it as if I was writing a letter to a friend.  I didn't get too technical or wordy.  I tried to keep it simple.  I also included my wishes for my child and what I pictured our lives together would be like.  My case worker loved my letter and said it was perfect and not to change a thing.  I actually teared up when I wrote it, because it just came from my heart and I didn't think too much about it. Good luck