Getting through the night with a newborn as a single parent...

jdavies71

I am a single parent - by choice - to a 4-week old.  We are surviving, but I had no idea how hard being a mom was and the constant 24/7 pressure of having a newborn.  I am getting help from family, but I find that the nights are soooo long and the mornings come so quickly.

 My baby is a great baby - and he does give me 3 hour stretches of sleep most nights - but it's getting him down to sleep that can take forever.  Does anyone have any tips on whether or not keeping a baby awake starting at about 6 or 7 PM will help them to fall asleep at 9 or 10 PM?  Some nights it seems to work - others not so much.  

 Also, anyone know on how much pacifier time is too much?  I seem to constantly be reaching for it to quiet the baby to save my sanity.

 I love my baby but this is easily the most trying thing I have ever done!  Any other single parents out there that can share tips/pointers with me?  Thanks! 

sweetie0228

Honestly, I didn't take away the pacifier until 4-6months for my second.  My 1st had hers until she was nearly 3 and her teeth came in weird. (her teeth are fine now actually they are beautiful and she's 14.)

The sucking is a self soothe action for newborns and you can't constantly feed them either nursing or bottle feeding.  If the baby is hungery the paci won't satisfy anyway.

And a baby carrier, the kind you strap the kid to your belly...I really like the newer wraps they have now, but my kids are too big...although not too big that I can't take them down and dress the girl in something appropriate.  (lol it's joke...not really we did once have a "wrestling match" b/c she was NOT wearing that outfit...yes I won and yes I did dress a 14 yr old like I did when she was an infant...she hasn't tried again)

 

Basically, give it time.  The baby grows and gets used to you and you get uesed to the baby.  This is challenging but you can do it.

achase123

Well I think that it's a little early to establish a routine (but you can always try).

I think that swaddling is a great technique for trying to get them to sleep a little longer.  Are you EBF?  I know some recommend a co-sleeper for this and then you can nurse and get more rest this way. 

As far as the paci, I don't think you can use it too much-especially if it's giving you more quiet time. 

I also like the 5 S's which is from the Happiest Baby on the Block (I think).  It's swaddle, side, sway, suck, and shush.  Basically these five things in combination are natural soothing techniques for baby. 

I would also try to pick at least one hour a day while baby is napping for you to rest too.  I think it's unrealistic for a mom (especially a single one) to nap all the time that baby is napping as some recommend, but an hour is doable.  The rest of the time you can get things done around the house or just have time for yourself.

LJF1218

I'm sorry, I know this is a ROUGH time.  But it really is the worst part and I promise will get better in a few weeks.

For me it was just surviving each day.  Keeping him happy whatever that required so he would rest and then I could.  The days blended together like that until one day he was about 6 weeks old and I discovered he had (somewhat) structured our day for us.  I still follow his lead regarding what time is bedtime, etc, because no use fighting it.  He used to be a night owl and I couldn't get him to bed before 11pm.  Now I can't keep him up past 7:30!

Do utilize your family as much as you can.  You have to have a break occasionally.  Really you have my sympathy as I just did all of this a short time ago.  A few weeks does make all the difference.

Good luck!

XMrsV2005

Honestly, let me say that raising a newborn single or with a partner is one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life.

It does get easier, I promise. Hopefully you will only have a few months of truly sleepless nights. My son started sleeping through the night around 5 months.

I second the happiest baby on the block cd. It gives you 5 things to incorporate and they really did work well for me.

Good luck! 

cemacmil

Going through the same thing, only DD is about 6 weeks old. Honestly I have learned even while incorporating things from "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" (which I would recommended btw) that you will have one great night and then one bad night - consistancy isn't their thing quite yet but you can help them.

DD will continue to use her paci for quite some time, part of the soothing thing. Also during the day, after the baby has 1-2 hours of awake time and food/diaper needs are met - lay him down to try and teach him to fall asleep and self soothe. Obviously at this point you can't let them "cry it out" but my pedi said fussing a little won't hurt them. Just re-assure them you are there if they need it and soon they will start falling asleep better on their own. Also, the eariler the "bed time" the better, you may still be getting up every 3 or so hours to feed but training on the eariler bed time will help in the long run too and help you get that longer stretch sooner.

Lastly, I agree with achase....as a single mom you can't nap everytime they nap/sleep but pick a time and take that rest for an hour.

FYI - bad night last night for us...I have been up since 1:50am with only one hour and a half nap today thus far. Exhausting I know and I feel your pain. Good Luck.

AmandaJordan1985

As far as bed times go, it's kind of a crap shoot at that age but I strongly believe in bed time routines. Since DS was around 2-3 weeks old I would dim the lights around 8:30-9, keep quiet and give him his last bottle and he would usually cry for about 30-45 mins while I rocked him then was out for at least 4 hours at a time and was STTN by 3 weeks (thankfully).

About the paci, DS never liked one so I have no help there!

All I can say is for the first few weeks, nap when LO naps so you can catch up too. Nap time shouldn't always be running around doing laundry, dishes or whatever.

Hang in there and take care! It will get easier.

CPA04

It does get easier!!!  I can't say that enough.  I was on survival auto pilot until LO started sleeping through the night (which was right around 10 months).  It will take a little time, but you will learn your baby's cues and preferences.  Use them as you plan and execute your bedtime routine - don't try to get him into a routine of going to bed at 9 when he's super tired and fussy at 7:30. 

LO didn't ever take a paci thankfully.  He loved to be swaddled those first few months.

Hang in there - you're doing great!  You'll look back and be amazed at what you did!