What do your parents think of your parenting style/choices?

dana316

All this talk about judging parenting choices really has me thinking.

Obviously, we live in a much different world than our parents did...and are probably raising our children much differently than our parents did.  I'm 31, and didn't come home in a carseat, was started on solids SUPER young, was spanked, my parents smoked in the house/car with us, etc.

So, I'm wondering...do your parents judge your parenting style/choices?  Are the vocal about it, or do they keep it to themselves?  How do you deal with their judgements?

Go!!

 

 

EastCoastBride

If they judge, then they keep it to themselves!  My dad and step-mom watch DS part time for us.  They follow our lead as much as they can.  My dad sometimes will go on his own path, and I'm sure a part of it is "well, this is what I did w/ you....".  But as long as he ultimately has DS's well being as his priority, I let some stuff slide.

smilee

Neither of my parents are still alive, but I know that my mom would have things to say about my parenting style because in my family everyone was always right! lol

My MIL wants us to do everything the way she did it 42 years ago.  I think that is just what parents do.

Somedays I take everything with a grain of salt, other days it irritates the hell of me- often times the kind of mood I am in dictates how I react.

If I feel like it is something really important ( like no, you can't give my 3 month old steak just because you did!) I will speak up, other times, I just let it go.  I pick my battles with my MIL and seeing as it is D's only living grandparent, I would never want to strain the relationship.  

PhillySue

I think that my parents and ILs think I am a bit over protective but then again so was my mom.  I know that they wondered why I ERFed but I explained the saftey to them and they never gave me a hard time.  One thing that I know drives my ILs crazy is that I do not "let" Katie sleep over their house as often as they would like.  I work full time so I want to spend time with her when I am home!  I do let her stay over night but not real often. Overall I think I am pretty laid back but I try hard to be more laid back whem I am around them.  it is funny to think back on how we use to ride in the car and I totally use to drink soda every night with dinner. I think both sets of parents understand that times have changed.

dana316

I think my parents do much more than my DH's parents do.

My Mom is probably the worst.  She breastfed me for 6 weeks, had massive oversupply and was "incredibly happy to stop nursing and go back to work".  She, for some reason, acted as though me nursing Caroline as long as I did was some sort of slap in her face.  She even got mad and left the hospital when Caro was born and we were having some breastfeeding issues.  She sort of halfway yelled "she's HUNGRY, give her a bottle of formula!"...and of course, I refused, and she got pissed and left.  Oh well.

She also gave me a really hard time about not starting solids at four months, because "breastmilk isn't substantial enough for growing babies".  I ended up caving in at 5 months, simply because she was making me second guess myself.

She's even started making comments about how I can't have Parker "on my boob" as much as I did Caroline, because I'll have a toddler to chase.  Whatever.

My Dad judges what I won't let Caroline eat...such as artificial sweeteners, etc.  He's very anti-sugar, anti-butter...and I much prefer 'real' foods over 'artificial' foods...but can't wait to fill her up on candy bars and junk food.  I'll never understand that.  He has MAJOR food issues. 

He got SUPER worried when Caroline wasn't having regular BMs, and couldn't understand that breastfed babies just don't poop that much.  I thought he was going to have a stroke when he found out she hadn't pooped in 10 days.  He wanted me to get her pedi to put her in the hospital, lol.

Steven's parents are pretty laid back, and not very involved.  Most days, I wish my parents would take a page out of their book...

 

meechrobi

I know my parents think that I am an awesome mom. My mother has flat out said "You are a great mom" BUT she also has a lot to say about the way I do things. We vacationed with my parents and my moms whole family (yep- 31 of us in a house in OBX- ) and I felt like she was kind of up my butt the whole week. It was a bit un-nerving. I am not sure if she was on edge because there were so many people around, or because the house was so big and not child proof or what, but she was just questioning everthing. The fact that Liam is a toddler- cranky when tired, not eating good and testing all limits didnt help.

All in all I know they are proud of the mom I am though and to me- truly that is all that matters.

Mouseygail

My IL's thought I was super crazy crunchy at first with teh cloth diapering and BFing...but now I think that I scare my MIL to death with how laid back I am...if I have to hear her tell me one more time that DS is "choking" as he's eating something, I'm going to scream!  He's fine!  not ever GAGGING!  sigh. 

And my parents don't say much at all...I think they are just watching and waiting to see how I deal with discipline issues...my sister's youngest is a pain in the a$$!!!  My mom and I have had extensive discussions about how my sister never disciplines and look at the result...so now I feel pressure to have the perfectly behaved child..ha!!   My dad probably thinks I'm a sugar nazi because he's always trying to give DS donuts or ice cream or the like...and I'm just now starting to get more comfortable with him having the occasional sweet treat

BeccaLandes

i think my in-laws judge the way we do things, but they don't say much, so that's fine by me!

my mom has started making it clear that she thinks i am crazy to still be breastfeeding my boys. when they were about 11 months she started pushing for me to wean, but i told her we weren't ready and to mind her own business.

sometimes she will put down what i am doing in front of the boys, and i have asked her not to do that. i told her she doesn't have to like what i do, but that she should talk to me about it and not undermine my authority with my children.

in general, though, i think both my parents and my in-laws see that we have managed to keep our boys happy and healthy for this long, and that we must be doing something right! 

krissybegs

If my parents or ILs have an issue with how we are raising Robbie they have kept it to themselves and for that I am grateful. 

But I do have one issue with my mom and my FIL. They are so overprotective! They worry about everything. The good side of this is that when he is at either house I know he is getting great care and that I never have to worry about him.

krissyh21

My MIL is very vocal about just about everything I do. She doesn't see the big deal in giving Dillon 100 peices of chocolate in an hour, right before dinner. She even has candy dishes strategically placed in every room of her house, that I have to go and hide when Dillon is there. She biched me out when she found me hiding them the other week saying I was anal basically and when Dillon is at HER house, he can eat what he wants. I simply said "no, he can't - not when I am there anyway" I could not care less what she thinks to be blunt.

My mother is more aware that times have changed since she raised us. So if she has anything to say, she doesn't share it with me. I think since both my mother and I are so much alike, she probably would raise Dillon similar to how I am doing it anyway.

 

Cassian

I definitely parent differently than my parents, but my dad has nothing to say and supports me and whatever I decide. My mom sometimes asks why I might choose to do something, but never in an "I know better than you" way. She is just truly curious about what made me choose what I did, and supports that as well.

My MIL on the other hand... DH's family thinks I am crunchy and they don't get it. MIL is the worst. Put a huge coat on that baby before you put her in the carseat! She'll freeze! Quit holding/wearing that baby! You'll spoil her! Quit being so mean and give her cake and ice cream! You're STILL breastfeeding? You gotta just let that baby cry! She's too cold, she's too hot!  etc. She'll grab Maya from me and walk away with her and she will start crying and looking for me cause she isn't familiar with her and MIL will try to keep her from looking at me and say "don't look at mom, you  don't need mom" then look at me and tell me I have spoiled her.

She thinks it is all me making these decisions because her son sure wouldn't parent differently than she or her other daughters would, but he is on board if not the driving force for a lot of our decisions. She just has something to say about everything. I just ignore it or hit her with the facts.

nicolita14w

Don't have time to respond at length, but if I had a nickel for every time my mother told me that my newborns were having so much trouble sleeping because I put them down on their backs rather than their stomachs, I'd be a rich woman!

browneyedgrl4282

My FIL and his girlfriend can't keep their mouth shut. I think what pisses me off the most about it is FIL was never around for DH so he doesn't know how to parent and his gf never had a child. My MIL will make a few comments here and there but she is just a paranoid one.

 

My parents don't say too much, in fact they actually ask me how I do it because they didn't have twins or 3u3. Once in a blue moon they will say something but it is more of suggestions than putting me down. All and all I had pretty easy babies/toddlers other than medical issues. Now the one time I did flip my sh!t on my mother was when Brady was puking as a newborn and she said word for word "You are just being dramatic, babies spit up!" and I told her I was his mother and knew something was wrong. I didn't call her while I was in the ER with him until they said he had pyloric sten. She apologized a million times saying she felt awful for brushing it off when something was really wrong! 

muppet.fan

I don't get many comments. I think my mom is pretty much of the belief that they raised us and now we get to raise our own kids. If she does think we're crazy about anything, she keeps it to herself. I'm hoping I'm following in her footsteps a bit because I think she's an awesome mom.

I do get side comments from her about how Elizabeth is still RFing and how her legs must be scrunched, even though she understands it's safer. But she's never said anything that actually bothered me. I count myself as lucky there, especially since I know she'll share opinions/ideas/beliefs with me if I specifically come to her for advice or input.

epphd

Thankfully - and surprisingly to me - my parents are super supportive of everything from our cloth diapering (both the decision to do it and the decision to stop), BFing, some-time co-sleeping, FT day care, etc.  I think they see that Sam is happy and easy going and figure we must be doing something right. Of course, I tell them that we could just as easily have a really fussy baby and I'd hope they wouldn't blame me or our choices for it!   

GenRN45

Mouseygail:

My IL's thought I was super crazy crunchy at first with teh cloth diapering and BFing...but now I think that I scare my MIL to death with how laid back I am...if I have to hear her tell me one more time that DS is "choking" as he's eating something, I'm going to scream!  He's fine!  not ever GAGGING!  sigh.

Mine all think i'm a huge hippy - but they don't give me any credit for having made EVERY decision i have with DH. And my MIL is the same way, since I'm doing BLW. She FREAKS out. I can't stand it. 

I honestly don't trust her at all to go with our wishes, and she will never watch Anna by herself, until I do. 

My mother is smart enough to ask questions and not judge.