Just curious what you would consider cheating?

MJN9510

Are you someone who would only consider cheating if your DH had sex with someone else?  If they kissed someone else?  If they grabbed someone elses butt or boobs?  When is it cheating in your eyes?  Obviously there is emotional cheating also!

gubble+guppies

I would say if they were carrying on a relationship, whether it just be fvck buddies, or even just kissing. Boob grabbing would not be tolerated either. 

dragon_chica

Cheating, to me, would be any type of action that he wouldn't ever do in front of me and/or that I would not be in consensus with.

Art Teacher

All of the above is cheating to me...

anna7602

I would consider an intense emotional relationship with another woman a form of cheating as well, as in the kind where they stop themselves just short of jumping into bed. It can still be cheating in my book even if there's no sex involved.

mrs.kapow

dragon_chica:

Cheating, to me, would be any type of action that he wouldn't ever do in front of me and/or that I would not be in consensus with.

This.

I've heard emotional "cheating" where there is written evidence found by the spouse can be that much harder to handle because you're seeing true feelings in b&w from the person that's only supposed to love you.

Not cool, IMO. 

kofmkg

People have different barometers with the conduct that they will tolerate. Any conduct that evokes a stab in the heart or a punch to the gut to the non-cheater-- be it emotional or physical. 

DH accidentally grabbed his SIL's butt playfully thinking it was me-- b/c she and I look alike from the back.  This isn't cheating to me- and all three of us still laugh about it. Actually, both of them were pretty horrified when it first happened and they realized what had happened.

MJN9510

kofmkg:

People have different barometers with the conduct that they will tolerate. Any conduct that evokes a stab in the heart or a punch to the gut to the non-cheater-- be it emotional or physical. 

DH accidentally grabbed his SIL's butt playfully thinking it was me-- b/c she and I look alike from the back.  This isn't cheating to me- and all three of us still laugh about it. Actually, both of them were pretty horrified when it first happened and they realized what had happened.

Yes, I agree the accident butt grab intended for the spouse or girlfriend is embarrasing but not cheating.

 

kristinem17

dragon_chica:

Cheating, to me, would be any type of action that he wouldn't ever do in front of me and/or that I would not be in consensus with.

I completely agree.

kcisthebombdotcom

Any inappropriate contact with a woman-kissing, fondling, etc. Any sort of emotional affair beyond friendship would be too.

amykins1283

Grabbing butt and/or boobs to me is just disrespectful and would definitely make me angry enough to question our relationship but I wouldn't consider it cheating. 

When things progress to kissing and beyond then that is cheating in my book.  

If he is carrying on an emotional relationship (talking on the phone, meeting for coffee, talking about personal things/our relationship, saying "I love you") with someone else that is cheating to me also.  

tusshie2004

Art Teacher:

All of the above is cheating to me...

This is exactly how I view cheating. 

JulySpark05

kristinem17:

dragon_chica:

Cheating, to me, would be any type of action that he wouldn't ever do in front of me and/or that I would not be in consensus with.

I completely agree.

This! 

blissfullyignorant

I would consider kissing in a romantic way on up the sexual ladder to all be cheating. I have a hard time understanding emotional affairs (at least in my relationship with Dh - I can totally get it in others relationships) so I don't know that either of us could do that. kwim? I have a male BFF and he has a female BFF. So we already have close relationships with the opposite sex.

Now, him kissing granny isn't cheating in my opinion. Neither is him giving a quick kiss to a friend. But once it becomes romantic or there are tongues / open mouth involved that's where I draw a line.

karencz

I say it's cheating if I wouldn't do said action with another guy in front of him, KWIM?

nealbl

The minute my DH is considering someone else besides me I consider that cheating.

DaisyFull

Any time someone looks outside the relationship to fill a physical or emotional need that would otherwise would be filled by your spouse.

ryry1977

It would be cheating if there is sex involved, kissing also would be cheating to me, emotional cheating as well counts.  It really depends on the butt or boob grabbing, that might not or might count.  I guess I am pretty strict on my cheating.  But if I did something like that I would also consider it cheating, so works both ways.

mamabear0813

DaisyFull:

Any time someone looks outside the relationship to fill a physical or emotional need that would otherwise would be filled by your spouse.

This. If he goes to the bar every night and tells his problems to his bartender, he is cheating me. Not in the same sense as a sexual affair, but he is cheating me out of knowing him better and being the person who he brings things to. If it's not a therapist that I know he's going to it's not okay.

Of course, any degree of a physical relationship. He can hug other girls platonically (we have a few family friends that he'll hug hello or goodbye, but they aren't prolonged hugs and I'm around and hugging their husbands at the same time!) Since we've been together so long and I know who his friends are, even going to spend alone time with any other woman is cheating to me. We've been together 6 years and he's never been out to lunch with another woman, so if he all of a sudden started now, it's cheating on me even if nothing happens. 

And I consider it abusive if I tell him that an act he is doing is hurting me in some way and he blatantly disrespects me and does it anyway. That's emotional abuse and I won't tolerate that either. 

Temp36641187503164

nealbl:

The minute my DH is considering someone else besides me I consider that cheating.

This. I'm also the rare person that considers going to a strip club or watching porn cheating.

Temp36641187503164

mamabear0813:

DaisyFull:

Any time someone looks outside the relationship to fill a physical or emotional need that would otherwise would be filled by your spouse.

This. If he goes to the bar every night and tells his problems to his bartender, he is cheating me. Not in the same sense as a sexual affair, but he is cheating me out of knowing him better and being the person who he brings things to. If it's not a therapist that I know he's going to it's not okay.

Of course, any degree of a physical relationship. He can hug other girls platonically (we have a few family friends that he'll hug hello or goodbye, but they aren't prolonged hugs and I'm around and hugging their husbands at the same time!) Since we've been together so long and I know who his friends are, even going to spend alone time with any other woman is cheating to me. We've been together 6 years and he's never been out to lunch with another woman, so if he all of a sudden started now, it's cheating on me even if nothing happens. 

And I consider it abusive if I tell him that an act he is doing is hurting me in some way and he blatantly disrespects me and does it anyway. That's emotional abuse and I won't tolerate that either. 

I didn't see this before I posted - I agree with all of it.

coastiewifey88

dragon_chica:

Cheating, to me, would be any type of action that he wouldn't ever do in front of me and/or that I would not be in consensus with.

 

THIS EXACTLY! 

thequeeenbee

DaisyFull:

Any time someone looks outside the relationship to fill a physical or emotional need that would otherwise would be filled by your spouse.

Perfectly put. ITA.

SeaStar430

dragon_chica:

Cheating, to me, would be any type of action that he wouldn't ever do in front of me and/or that I would not be in consensus with.

This.  It's not just physical to me.  An online relationship or the sharing of intimate feelings and emotions or an "at work" flirty relationship....cheating.  Anything that wouldn't be done right in front of my face in other words.

Smootchy

All the above. Emotional on to full out sexy time...

If you're saying something to another woman or doing something with an other woman, that I would feel sad about or in some way disrespecting me, you're cheating.

monkeybelly

kristinem17:

dragon_chica:

Cheating, to me, would be any type of action that he wouldn't ever do in front of me and/or that I would not be in consensus with.

I completely agree.

Ditto!

melody921

dragon_chica:

Cheating, to me, would be any type of action that he wouldn't ever do in front of me and/or that I would not be in consensus with.

All of this and emotional cheating too.

TarponMonoxide

Cheating is behavior not contrary to one who is supposed to be a happily married man.

This includes:

Inapprorpriate "friendships" (either with women or men), flirting openly, being secretive about phone calls or emails and having sex with somebody other than his spouse.