How to explain death to a young toddler?

kmh2201

My DS just turned 2 in July.  My grandma has a tumor on her pancreas - we should find out today if it's cancerous.  If so, it isn't likely she'll live very long.  (DH's grandma had pancreatic cancer and lived for maybe a month after the diagnosis.)  We are Christian, and my grandma is saved, so I'm trying to find a good way to explain to DS how she went to be with Jesus if her body is still here.  (I'm anticipating she'll be buried and not cremated.  Also, I feel like the concept of a soul is bit advanced for young toddlers, but maybe I'm wrong.)  If you've been in this situation, how did you explain it to your LO?  I'm particulary looking for answers from bumpies who are Christians.  (Nothing against those who aren't Christian, but my faith fully influences how I will explain death to my DS.)  TIA...

*LrCg*

There's a book called "God Gave us Heaven"- we got it at our local Family Christian bookstore.  We explained that X was very sick and the doctors couldn't heal her so Jesus came to make her all better.  And when someone dies Jesus comes and hugs you and takes your heart but leaves your body here and you get a new body in heaven.  We explained that alhough you can't see X anymore she can still hear you so whenever you miss her just talk with her.  Also whenever the kids ask we allow them to write on ballons and release them.  HTH I'm so very sorry about your Grandmother. 

Brewtowngrl

We don't go to church so it was a bit harder to explain to DS why my dad is gone, but I think how I explained it can work. 

I told DS that there is a superhero called God and he lives above the clouds in a place called heaven.  One day before you were born (my dad passed when I was younger) God needed help and asked my daddy to come up there.  Grandpa is up there with God and he can see us and love us.  When God needs more help he might ask someone else to come help him. 

The superhero put it in terms that DS can understand and really he is sort of a superhero. 

triplenine

My mother passed away in December, it was a sudden death, she watched my son two days a week for me up until the day before she got sick. She had a brain aneurysm and only lasted 6 more days. My son was 16 months and my nephew was 18 months. There was no real explaining to them about death. he would see her picture and say gr ma. But he really didn't realize she was gone, even now,he will be two in 2 weeks, he would not understand. When we go to church, I tell him tto blow kisses to God and Grandma. Its harder for me because he doesnt really know her anymore. it was different for my niece and nephew who are 5. With my niece, They asked her if she knew what heaven was, she said, " it's where old people go when they die.". ( catholic school). When she said that, my brother said, well grandma is there. And she asked if she could call her on her cell phone and she went about her day. My 5 year old nephew was like ok, no big deal, but then my ( other) brother brought him to the funeral parlor to see the body before the viewing hours started, When we got there he was ok, but when other people came he got uncomfortable and He said he wanted to leave. I really don't think either one understood. Growing up, I had two deceased grandparents, and I was told from a young age they were in heaven and with god. No details, just that, and I didn't lose my other grandparents until I was in my 20s. So by then I knew the deal.

ghm

Ugh, IDK. Just wanted to offer you some hugs and say I'm in the same boat. My dad has been diagnosed with terminal cancer--though he probably has 6 months-1 year. We don't know until after his first round of chemo if he'll have 1 month or 1 year, but they're hopeful the chemo can extend his life a little bit.

My youngest just has no clue. They are very close with my parents, so it's going to be really hard. My oldest (5.5) somewhat gets it. My 4.5 year old not so much, but does know what death is. And then there's M, who is 2.75. It's so sad.

Bella, my 4.5 year old was all "But heaven's such a happy place." And she's right, it is. Good luck. Send me a PM if you want to talk.  

FloF9

My kids just lost their grandfather - my dad.  They really haven't grasped the concept yet (they're 4) but they did ask where he was.  We told them that he's in heaven with Jesus and it seems to satisfy them for now. 

KathrynMD

Can't you just say Jesus needed her to help him with _____ or something along those lines?  But, that she loves them and will see them in Heaven someday. 

I wouldn't say anything about going to sleep b/c that will confuse them and make them think that if you go to sleep sometimes you don't wake up.

LSU628

There is a book called Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs that I use with the kids at school. I read it to a pre-k class, so perhaps your LO would understand some of it as well. I can barely get through it without choking up!

luvbeingmom

DS2 was 2yrs and 1month when our first son passed away. He was battling cancer, it took a very aggressive turn and he died within a week of being admitted into the hospital.

DS2 was just starting to talk and all we could explain was that his big brother was not at home with us anymore. So it really just depends on your child's comprehension of what you're saying in general and their comprehension of heaven. If it's something you talk about often then they will start to understand.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, it's hard explaining to them when they're so young, and it's even harder when they ask for the person who is lost. I wish you the best.

Blackvelvet

We lost a pet cow this summer (she was hurt and couldn't stand so she was very tame and we feed, watered and petted her multiply times a day.)  When she died I told DS she went byebye forever and she was going to lie in the ground now.  He waved when we burried her  the next day and has not ask again to go feed her I'm not sure what he understands but he does know that his pet is gone and he can't feed her.

Alex26

Brewtowngrl:

We don't go to church so it was a bit harder to explain to DS why my dad is gone, but I think how I explained it can work. 

I told DS that there is a superhero called God and he lives above the clouds in a place called heaven.  One day before you were born (my dad passed when I was younger) God needed help and asked my daddy to come up there.  Grandpa is up there with God and he can see us and love us.  When God needs more help he might ask someone else to come help him. 

The superhero put it in terms that DS can understand and really he is sort of a superhero. 

 I like this analogy.  It's a good way to explain death to little ones.

kmh2201

Thanks everyone for the suggestions and words of comfort.  Hugs to everyone who has also lost someone and had to go through this.  My dad called last night and said the test results probably wouldn't come back until Thursday now...