It is getting harder, not easier...

JeepersWife

My sweet baby boy Declan was born 2 weeks and 3 days ago and I thought that going through this process would get a little eaiser the more I learned and as time went on...but it only seems to be getting harder. 

I know that he is really doing great: he is in a regular crib in PCN (he's out of NICU now), gaining weight (is up to 3 lb 13.1 oz from birth weight of 3 lb 5 oz) and is working great on taking all feedings by bottle.  He needs to get up to about 4 lb 4 oz and be taking all bottle feedings to come home, which could only take another week or so to get accomplished.

Perhaps it is my homones trying to level out, but I am possibly more teary now than I was my first trimester of pregnancy and I know it is simply related to LO being in the hospital and not here at home with us.  DH and I feel so isolated because no one we know has ever been through this. DH and I told each other, after that first sad day leaving LO in the hospital, that we would be strong because we didnt want him to sense sadness from us. 

Any of you have words of encouragement, things that you do/did to get you through this, books that you read that were helpful? Your prayers are welcomed too!  Thanks ladies...I know this was a little long but I want to hold myself together for LO and DH!

kck329

I remember hitting a wall about 2 weeks into our NICU stay too. I think the shock starts to wear off and the first wave of "this is our reality now" hits you. Its ok to be teary-eyed all the time. I certainly was (and if I"m honest, there are still many things that make me cry). Don't feel like you need to hide your emotions in order to stay strong for your LO, he will know that you are there caring for him and that is what he needs from you.

Take it one day or even one hour at a time. When you start to feel like he isn't progressing, think about where he was just one week ago. They change so fast and it sounds like he is on a great path. Post here anytime you are upset or have questions-it helps to have community. There is also a FB group called Moms of Miracles that you can join. Does your NICU have any support systems? Ours had a moms group that I heard was really good. I also found it helped to talk to other moms in our NICU. They are still some of our closest friends.

There are hard days and there are better days. None will be easy but soon he will be home. You are doing a great job!

JakesBride07

I can tell you that what you are feeling is completely normal. The NICU is one of the most isolating expeirences at times. I often found that some of my worst days were when the twins were having good days.

I quickly realized that I ran on adrenaline for a long time and once things settled is when I started processing and dealing with things.

Certainly lots of thoughts and prayers for you, DH and LO....

 

Kate621

I know exactly what you are feeling. It is so hard. Just know that once he is home is will all seem like a bad dream. I won't say that time will fly and he will be home before you know it. I hated it when people said that to me. Time does not fly when your baby is in the hospital. Try to remember how hard he is working. He shouldn't even be born yet! Learning to take a bottle is hard work for these little guys. Hang in there. And know that you can always vent here. ((hugs))

katie4253

kck329:

I remember hitting a wall about 2 weeks into our NICU stay too. I think the shock starts to wear off and the first wave of "this is our reality now" hits you.

Me too.  I cried myself to sleep a lot.  Then again the 2 weeks before we thought Gabe might be coming home.  Oh, and of course the first week I was there because I was coming off hormones.  So, basically, I cried daily 5 of the 6 weeks I was there...LOL!

It isn't fun, and you shouldn't feel bad for just allowing yourself to experience the emotions.  

Hugs to you!

clangley09

My LO was only in NICU for a week but everything has hit me now even though she's home. It's extremely hard because our families don't understand our emotions, what we're going through or why we're taking such extreme measures to protect our daughter. I will tell you that everynight when LO was still in NICU DH and I laid down we talked about the improvements she had made, what it would be like when she got home & we'd cry with each other. Then we would cuddle. It didn't fix our problem but it made things easier knowing that we had each other. I know it's not much help since our situation is different but it helped us through it emotionally! Thinking about you and hope LO gets to come home very soon!

stillwaiting12

I have been at it for 4 weeks now and I cry, alot! I get my good cries out in the shower each day. Our road has been one heck of a rollercoaster and I sometimes just sit at his bedside with my hand in the isolette and cry. I've seen many other moms in the NICU doing the same thing so I don't think it's a bad thing. It's tough, people who haven't lived it have no idea what it's like leaving your baby behind when you go home. It sucks! I have found tremendous support by just reading posts on here and the times I have had questions everyone has been amazing. Utilize this site as a resource, it's a great one!

MrsMVM

First of all, Declan is just adorable. You are such a lucky mama.

I know how you are feeling... I think it's totally normal. DH is my #1 source of support, and when I feel myself getting weak, I just remind myself of our constant conversation on the day I was in labor... No matter what, we will be ok- that was what DH and I said to each other. That he and I, together, would be ok. And since that was a definite, we could focus everything on our baby.

The NICU reality setting in is awful.... I find myself coming home at night from the NICU, sitting down to pump... I'm starving, my boobs hurt, I feel totally exhausted, and all I can think about is what time I'll get there tomorrow, and then I feel sad that he is just not home and ok. I never once pictured this for our likely only one shot at parenthood/pregnancy.

This board is awesome and so helpful... it's just great to see pics of other people's LO's who are growing and thriving and beautiful and chubby and happy and know that our babies will get there too. They will.

I think the hardest part is dealing with how neurotic this experience is making me. We took my mom and sister to meet Jonah for the first time yesterday and I was so uneasy. I don't want anyone's hands or faces near him. I just want him to be in a capsule with me and DH because I don't trust anyone not to harm him.

It's ok to cry, he won't remember that you were sad, he will only remember that you love him.

JeepersWife

Thank you so much, ladies.  Each of your posts made me cry.  It is nice to know that there ARE people out there going through this same thing that know what DH and I are going through.  My DH is amazing and though we said we werent going to cry, he lets me and just holds me while I get myself together. 

We have talked a little bit with a few other parents in both the NICU and PCN, but mostly it is the basic "how much does your LO weigh", "when was he/she born".  I have several friends right now who are in the last weeks of their pregnancies and who will be having healthy babies that they take home with them and though I am so happy for them, I am a little jealous.  I know that I could not have done anything better than I did, to prevent this, but I certainly feel helpless as a mom and I dont like that feeling.

I am glad that I have TB and all of your thoughts and prayers...know that you all have mine as well!

miesl

I found that the NICU got hard at the end.  DD was in for 18 days and DS for 30.  DS wasn't interested in eating (and would have A&Bs - especially if he was tired when attempting to eat) - waiting for him to figure that out was so hard.  He was doing so well other than that.

Deblondie1

Hugs to you. The NICU is a rough road for sure. When I would feel down I would force myself to take a break from the bedside, even if it was something simple like getting a coffee and having it outside. Oh and I would post on this board for support. I'm sorry for the tough day

Chitown chic

I know EXACTLY how you feel -- and yes, it's completely normal. Tomorrow will be 16 weeks that our DD has been in the NICU. She had several setbacks along the way, and we certainly never anticipated being in this situation, let alone for as long as we have been. I'd say the hardest time -- with the exception of the first few weeks when her situation was pretty critical -- has been these last three weeks, since her due date. She's SO close to coming home, but a so-so feeding or a day of weight loss keeps setting her back. Plus they recently noticed her blood pressure rising, and found calcium deposits on her kidneys, so now they're handling that. It just seems like the roadblocks never end. But I know both of us will have our little ones home with us before we know it. Hang in there, and post as often as you'd like on this board. I've found the ladies here to be super supportive and helpful! No one gets it unless they've been through it!

ashleynoel18

What helped me with my LO being in the NICU for 31 days and having a good bit of set backs because he was exactly a "Wimpy White Boy". I cried every time I left and I did call a lot to check on him. That helped a little, I bonded with his nurses to, I wanted to know who was taking care of him while we couldn't. I also didn't  have to work so I was at the hospital 3 times a day. I had it worked out with the ladies that I was the only one to give him a bath, I rocked him, I would read a book to him. I was so worried he wouldn't "know me as his mommy" if other women where bonding with him. But it didn't really get easy till the day we took him home. I also had a really hard time seeing pregnant people about to pop or my friends that where getting to feel their baby kick an move, ones that got to experience the birth of their child. I envied them, I didn't get to do this with our son those last 8 weeks.

You  just have to figure out what works for you. If its bragging about the milestones he achieved that day then do it. No one around me went through what I did so I liked explaining what was going on. It helped talking about it ALOT.

 

babymomma623

Hang in there. It is so hard. I remember when I went to visit my LO the 2nd week he was there and I just cried when I had to leave him. It feels so unnatural. People were telling me oh you need your rest and it is good that he is there. I wanted to slap them because they had no idea how I felt. Hugs to you. Start your LO's baby book. I also watched lots of videos that we took of him from our visits. That made me feel a little better. I hope he will be home with you soon!