How much does your mother's opinion matter to you?

GM&DG

My mother has very strong opinions. I have been having a time thinkng of how she rarely compliments me or comments that I picked something nice...she always points out a flaw as in, "Isn't that leather too stiff for that chair?" instead of "I like how you put that chair in the corner." Well, to top it off she is very opinionated about names. When I was in labor with my son I told her what we were going to name him. She went nuts. "Henry? No way, not that! Oh don't, you will be sorry!" And to this day she doesn't see why that was crappy or why she shouldn't have done that.

Now we are on baby #2 and I have a girl name that is secret from her and don't give a crap if she likes it or not but have no boy name and I literally have heartburn because I am frozen about how to pick a boy name that I like in the first place let alone need to justify to her or hear her opinion about...so my question to you is, does your Mom do this to you? Am I overly hormonal at this point? Would you let her opinions get to you this way?

mkanderson85

No, I totally understand.  My mother and I are very close.  I wanted her to love whatever I picked.

We are working on #2 right now and we have a list of girls names and one boys name picked.  I wouldn't pick something that my mother didn't like.  That being said, I haven't told my mom about the front runner of the girls names because I'm scared of what she'd say.

For example, I threw out Alice to her when I was pregnant for Annalise.  She was like "uh, no.  No Alice.  Seriously, no."  So I took it off the list. 

My sister, on the other hand, named her little boy something that my mom hated.  She still loves him, but she hates the name.  Of course I suppose it has grown on her, but I wouldn't want to know how much my mom hates my kid's name.

GM&DG

mkanderson85:

No, I totally understand.  My mother and I are very close.  I wanted her to love whatever I picked.

We are working on #2 right now and we have a list of girls names and one boys name picked.  I wouldn't pick something that my mother didn't like.  That being said, I haven't told my mom about the front runner of the girls names because I'm scared of what she'd say.

For example, I threw out Alice to her when I was pregnant for Annalise.  She was like "uh, no.  No Alice.  Seriously, no."  So I took it off the list. 

My sister, on the other hand, named her little boy something that my mom hated.  She still loves him, but she hates the name.  Of course I suppose it has grown on her, but I wouldn't want to know how much my mom hates my kid's name.

OK, so I am not crazy or a wimp. Thank you for that. By the way, I looooove Annalise. If we have a girl she will be Elise as Annalise was the inspiration.

mkanderson85

GM&DG:

mkanderson85:

No, I totally understand.  My mother and I are very close.  I wanted her to love whatever I picked.

We are working on #2 right now and we have a list of girls names and one boys name picked.  I wouldn't pick something that my mother didn't like.  That being said, I haven't told my mom about the front runner of the girls names because I'm scared of what she'd say.

For example, I threw out Alice to her when I was pregnant for Annalise.  She was like "uh, no.  No Alice.  Seriously, no."  So I took it off the list. 

My sister, on the other hand, named her little boy something that my mom hated.  She still loves him, but she hates the name.  Of course I suppose it has grown on her, but I wouldn't want to know how much my mom hates my kid's name.

OK, so I am not crazy or a wimp. Thank you for that. By the way, I looooove Annalise. If we have a girl she will be Elise as Annalise was the inspiration.

No, but a lot of people will say that you are.  Do whatever feels comfortable for you.  If your mom's opinion is important, then follow that.  If you don't, you'll be pissed later on.   I see my mom every weekend (she lives an hour away) and she either comes into my city or I go into hers.  My sister gets on me for being lame because I hang out with my mom on the weekends.  Whatever.  I enjoy her company and she helps me with Annalise.  I want my mom's blessing and I want to know that she loves whatever name I choose.  I find that I am a lot like my mom, so I feel like if she likes the name, then I will feel more confident in it. 

What name are you thinking of? 

HannahO28

I don't let my mom's opinion influence me at all (which is actually her recommendation)

Maybe this article will make you feel better?

https://www.babynamewizard.com/archives/2010/4/the-generational-sweet-spot-or-why-your-mother-in-law-has-such-bad-taste 

moxie9

I told my mom I liked the name Verona. She proceeded to loudly sing in a very crowded upscale restaurant "Verona Vagina! Verona Vagina! Verona Vagina!" and told me that they rhymed. I told her to look up the definition of rhyming.

It ruined the name for SO, and I am still so miffed that I haven't told her any of my other name options. As far as I'm concerned, her opinion doesn't count for anything anymore if this is how she's going to express herself.

So, yes, my mom does this. And no, I'm not letting her influence me on this matter anymore. Be strong and don't let your mother's opinions dictate your actions--you deserve better. And Henry is a great name, so I have high hopes for your LO-on-the-way.

ces25c

That would hurt my feelings the way she said it and while you were in labor!

I do want my mom's approval, but I don't listen if she doesn't give an actual reason for disliking the name.  So, I have crossed off names that she pointed out sounded strange with our LN or something like that.  If she just hates it because of someone she knew with that name, I ignore her.

sugarpumpkin716

your mom sounds like mine. i grew up with "you look nice but..." or "that dress is pretty but..." 

i asked my mom about hebrew names since we want to pick one to honor my side of the family and she crossed the line big time. since then i haven't said a damn thing about names, i know better. i blew up at her and she apologized.

since then she's shockingly mentioned 2 names she likes without saying "you should use this" or anything pushy. but i still won't ever tell her what i like. if she doesn't like it once the birth certificate is signed, oh well. and if she says anything about it, i'll make her regret it for sure.

so no i don't think you're overly hormonal one bit. 

ChavayJakov

My mother and I are estranged, so that pretty much eliminates the problem you're having. You aren't being overly hormonal but you are being affected because you are hormonal (the heartburn stress?).  Keep the baby name secret, choose a name that you like - one that has meaning - and, once you introduce the kiddo by name if she says anything, tell her that you don't give a flip.

sagoon

I wouldn't name a child after a person who had deeply hurt her, but other than that it's not her decision.  She got to name her babies, now I get to name mine.

anna7602

I get you. My mother is also hyper-critical. It suuucks. I couldn't have her in the room with me while I labored because she was against an unmedicated birth and I couldn't share names with her beforehand because I knew she wouldn't have anything nice to say, no matter how beautiful or normal the names were objectively. Sadly, instead of congratulating me when I called to tell her I'd just given birth to a daughter, her words were "where did that name come from?"

I can't live my life to please my mother, I learned that a very long time ago. But a little bit of encouragement every once in a while would be nice. Luckily, DH gives me all the support and encouragement I need most days, so I just try to block out my mother's criticisms and not let them take over my life.

Free2Sing

In your situation, I wouldn't really take her opinion into consideration.  My mom is very supportive, even when we threw out a kind of crazy middle name idea for a boy.  If she mentioned something to me, I'd probably nix the name since she rarely says something negative.

Again, I'd ignore her in your situation.  Keep that name a secret & remember you don't have to answer to her.  Anyone who disses a name in the delivery room is way out of bounds.  And I can say that from actually being there-- my brother's gf asked if she should go with a different name right after her child was born.  Although I hated the name she chose, I encouraged her to choose the name she likes best.  It's her kid- not mine! 

BlindysWife

I love my mom dearly, and we are very close. How much does her opinion matter in the naming of my children? Zero. Zilch. Nada. We have different taste, and she is very vocal with her opinion, but I don't give a crap if she dislikes what I name my kids. My kid, my choice. So I say, name that baby whatever you want, mama!

dinnerfor2

My mom's opinion matters a lot to me. Luckily, we have very similar name taste.

My MIL, on the other hand, burst into tears when we said we were thinking of naming DD Clara. She said she had an evil aunt with that name and begged for us not choose that name (we were team green). DD is Susannah Claire, and although I love her name some days I still wish her name was Clara. 

 Next time, we will be team green again and no one will know our name choices until the baby is born (other than you ladies of course)!  

sapphirebride06

My heart goes out to you that aren't close with your mom's or who have very critical moms.  My mom is amazing and we are very close - her opinion matters enough that I wouldn't name our kids something I knew she didn't like, but she's not a B about it either.  I like the name Corbin, but she said it was nice but would need to grow on her a bit - so she didn't say "oh that name truly sucks!" but she kindly let me know what she felt. 

Then we picked the name Landon and when I told my mom she LOVES it - after the whole cousin named Landon issue she hopes we still use it because we all like it - anyone I have told that is going to be baby's name loves it so I hope we will but I do like that my mom likes it.  We won't tell H's family anytime soon and if they hate it we won't care - we aren't close with them anyway so it doesn't matter to me one way or the other what they think.

Amanda&EricB

No my mom isn't really that opinionated. Plus we aren't sharing names until he's born. We just haven't decided on one yet, not that we are keeping them secret. My mom did ask if we had decided, and I said no. She left it at that.

My MIL, on the other hand, is quick to offer her opinion, whether asked for or not. Wayyyy before we ever got pregnant, I said something about how I might want to name a boy after DH. She said "Oh no you don't. We know way too many Eric's as it is." That just made me want to name my son Eric all the more.

brookelynpaisley

My mom definitely gets to me in a way no one else does. Her negative opinions (when she voices them) sting more than the same comment would from another person.

When it comes to naming, though, it's not her kid. She got to name us, and if we have a baby, her opnion won't matter. Sure, I want her to like it, but at the end of the day, it's ultimately up to me and my husband.