Uhh LJF?

lurkylulu2

"he told me that while he reallly likes me he has to be honest that we could never be in a permanent type of relationship.  He is from another country and his culture and religion wouldn't be approving of him having a family with a single mother."

LJF1218:

On to Dr. Wonderful.  He and I had a big talk on Sunday.  It was easier to do in person that through email/text.  Even though his English is very good, we sometimes have mis-communications.  Hell, I think every man and woman has mis-communications, and he and I don't really that often considering English is his second language.

His communicating to me the difficulties of being long term were simply his concerns about it.  Not that it was impossible that we couldn't work through it, but he was trying to be upfront about the difficulties we would face if we did get to a point where we wanted to discuss marriage, etc.  His family is still all overseas and his parents speak no English at all.  There would also be difficulty because of his culture being unaccepting of single parenthood and he would face questions as to why he chose an American single parent as opposed to a single girl from their culture.

All that being said, his plans are to permanently reside in the US.  So I don't know how big a deal this is going to be.  And quite honestly we've only been dating for a month.  We could fizzle out for a million other reasons before we even get to these issues.

So we're both taking a few days to think and decide if it's worthwhile to continue.  I'm leaning towards yes just because we've ended up getting closer and I enjoy being with him more and more.  But I'm waiting to see what he comes up with in his thinking and guess we'll go from there.

Will keep everyone updated when we have a decision.

These two stories clearly contradict themselves. So, which is it? I see your judgement is still screwed the fvck up. It's quite obvious that you just want a Dr. Wonderful :gag: daddy for little Barrett.

ShanJosh777

This is so pathetic.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

LJF1218

lurkylulu2:

"he told me that while he reallly likes me he has to be honest that we could never be in a permanent type of relationship.  He is from another country and his culture and religion wouldn't be approving of him having a family with a single mother."

LJF1218:

On to Dr. Wonderful.  He and I had a big talk on Sunday.  It was easier to do in person that through email/text.  Even though his English is very good, we sometimes have mis-communications.  Hell, I think every man and woman has mis-communications, and he and I don't really that often considering English is his second language.

His communicating to me the difficulties of being long term were simply his concerns about it.  Not that it was impossible that we couldn't work through it, but he was trying to be upfront about the difficulties we would face if we did get to a point where we wanted to discuss marriage, etc.  His family is still all overseas and his parents speak no English at all.  There would also be difficulty because of his culture being unaccepting of single parenthood and he would face questions as to why he chose an American single parent as opposed to a single girl from their culture.

All that being said, his plans are to permanently reside in the US.  So I don't know how big a deal this is going to be.  And quite honestly we've only been dating for a month.  We could fizzle out for a million other reasons before we even get to these issues.

So we're both taking a few days to think and decide if it's worthwhile to continue.  I'm leaning towards yes just because we've ended up getting closer and I enjoy being with him more and more.  But I'm waiting to see what he comes up with in his thinking and guess we'll go from there.

Will keep everyone updated when we have a decision.

These two stories clearly contradict themselves. So, which is it? I see your judgement is still screwed the fvck up. It's quite obvious that you just want a Dr. Wonderful :gag: daddy for little Barrett.

Like I said, we had miscommunicated before.  He didn't intend for me to think it could never work out long term, but that he has some very valid concerns about it that he was trying to express to me in an effort to be upfront about what we would be facing if we got to that point.

Does that make better sense?

achase123

beccaga16:

My thought is maybe he is willing to go forward, maybe he changed his mind about how important his cultural beliefs are in regards to his feelings...

My take is still the same as it was. I live by the rule and not the exception, so I would cut it off. Most likely the issues will come back.  If he spent hisl ife thinking that SPs are not suitable for marraige , then that will most likely become a barrier down the road.

It is a red flag to me and I would move on.

It does sound like a lot of work for a short term relationship.  From what I've found, when it's difficult at first (for whatever reason) it doesn't usually work out in the long-term.  But I think LJF mentioned something about that in PP.

PrettyInPearls23

ShanJosh777:

This is so pathetic.

Agreed.

And Lurky, don't try to turn this around and bring up everything LJF has done/is doing wrong in an attempt to redirect attention from the fact you cannot leave her alone.

lurkylulu2

PrettyInPearls23:

ShanJosh777:

This is so pathetic.

Agreed.

And Lurky, don't try to turn this around and bring up everything LJF has done/is doing wrong in an attempt to redirect attention from the fact you cannot leave her alone.

Let's get something straight. If you (or whomever else) on internet thinks I'm pathetic, it doesn't bother me. And how is this any different that achase paging her to ask her what was going on with him? It's not. Get over yourself.

BostonGayGal

Sounds to me like he talked his way out of it and she let him. I don't think there had been a miscommunication. I suspect that he realized the booty might not stick around so he softened what he said so that he could continue getting laid.

She just needs to decide whether she is willing to accept that his family, and likely Dr. Wonderful as well, thinks less of her because she is a single parent. I would give her more credit if she told him to get the heck out of her life, but I am not surprised that she caved.

Feelings of entitlement and actual self-respect are not the same thing.

achase123

lurkylulu2:

PrettyInPearls23:

ShanJosh777:

This is so pathetic.

Agreed.

And Lurky, don't try to turn this around and bring up everything LJF has done/is doing wrong in an attempt to redirect attention from the fact you cannot leave her alone.

Let's get something straight. If you (or whomever else) on internet thinks I'm pathetic, it doesn't bother me. And how is this any different that achase paging her to ask her what was going on with him? It's not. Get over yourself.

I would have paged anyone else if they had the same situation where they asked a question in a previous post.  She had mentioned that she was going to break things off/have a conversation with him and I wanted to know the outcome. 

The reason that it was out of the ordinary was because of YOU and all of the other lurkers who continue to beat the dead horse and LJF.

ShanJosh777

achase123:

lurkylulu2:

PrettyInPearls23:

ShanJosh777:

This is so pathetic.

Agreed.

And Lurky, don't try to turn this around and bring up everything LJF has done/is doing wrong in an attempt to redirect attention from the fact you cannot leave her alone.

Let's get something straight. If you (or whomever else) on internet thinks I'm pathetic, it doesn't bother me. And how is this any different that achase paging her to ask her what was going on with him? It's not. Get over yourself.

I would have paged anyone else if they had the same situation where they asked a question in a previous post.  She had mentioned that she was going to break things off/have a conversation with him and I wanted to know the outcome. 

The reason that it was out of the ordinary was because of YOU and all of the other lurkers who continue to beat the dead horse and LJF.

Exactly this. Then call LJF the AW. Baha. 

LJF1218

BostonGayGal:

Sounds to me like he talked his way out of it and she let him. I don't think there had been a miscommunication. I suspect that he realized the booty might not stick around so he softened what he said so that he could continue getting laid.

She just needs to decide whether she is willing to accept that his family, and likely Dr. Wonderful as well, thinks less of her because she is a single parent. I would give her more credit if she told him to get the heck out of her life, but I am not surprised that she caved.

Feelings of entitlement and actual self-respect are not the same thing.

No decisions have been made yet.  I'm not sure what he and I are going to do or if I'll even continue to pursue this.  It may end up being a short term relationship; maybe that's all I can really do at this time anyway.  I haven't dated in years so it's not like I'm going to marry the first guy I go out with anyway.  Or I might decide it's not worth it to continue, but that decision will be made after he and I discuss things further.

He may think less of me for being a single parent.  Though he is the one who asked me out when he was well aware of the fact.  And we had several dates/conversations before he was getting laid.  

All that being said, it's only been a month, so I'm just trying not to take anything too seriously just yet.

PrettyInPearls23

lurkylulu2:

PrettyInPearls23:

ShanJosh777:

This is so pathetic.

Agreed.

And Lurky, don't try to turn this around and bring up everything LJF has done/is doing wrong in an attempt to redirect attention from the fact you cannot leave her alone.

Let's get something straight. If you (or whomever else) on internet thinks I'm pathetic, it doesn't bother me. And how is this any different that achase paging her to ask her what was going on with him? It's not. Get over yourself.

Because you're not asking her how things are going. You're quoting two different posts, comparing them and pointing out how she's contradicting herself. You're going out of your way to make her look like an idiot.

You really need to find a hobby or something.

LJF1218

ShanJosh777:

achase123:

lurkylulu2:

PrettyInPearls23:

ShanJosh777:

This is so pathetic.

Agreed.

And Lurky, don't try to turn this around and bring up everything LJF has done/is doing wrong in an attempt to redirect attention from the fact you cannot leave her alone.

Let's get something straight. If you (or whomever else) on internet thinks I'm pathetic, it doesn't bother me. And how is this any different that achase paging her to ask her what was going on with him? It's not. Get over yourself.

I would have paged anyone else if they had the same situation where they asked a question in a previous post.  She had mentioned that she was going to break things off/have a conversation with him and I wanted to know the outcome. 

The reason that it was out of the ordinary was because of YOU and all of the other lurkers who continue to beat the dead horse and LJF.

Exactly this. Then call LJF the AW. Baha. 

Thank you!  This is exactly what I thought when I saw there were thousands of views and posts already to Achase's post this morning just because it had my name in it.  I was clueless to all, minding my own business and tending to my sick little boy.

WhatDidIDoWrong

I just wonder if his family and culture have issues with single mothers what will they say when they find out about B's bio father? What's the point of sticking around just to get hurt later on. It's not just you anymore, would you really want to be apart if a family that can't accept you and B?

achase123

PrettyInPearls23:

You really need to find a hobby or something.

I'm pretty sure this IS it.

lurkylulu2

PrettyInPearls23:

lurkylulu2:

PrettyInPearls23:

ShanJosh777:

This is so pathetic.

Agreed.

And Lurky, don't try to turn this around and bring up everything LJF has done/is doing wrong in an attempt to redirect attention from the fact you cannot leave her alone.

Let's get something straight. If you (or whomever else) on internet thinks I'm pathetic, it doesn't bother me. And how is this any different that achase paging her to ask her what was going on with him? It's not. Get over yourself.

Because you're not asking her how things are going. You're quoting two different posts, comparing them and pointing out how she's contradicting herself. You're going out of your way to make her look like an idiot.

You really need to find a hobby or something.

Her stories do not match each other. Are you new to the bump? Do you not realize that people get called out when their stories don't add up?

PrettyInPearls23

lurkylulu2:

PrettyInPearls23:

lurkylulu2:

PrettyInPearls23:

ShanJosh777:

This is so pathetic.

Agreed.

And Lurky, don't try to turn this around and bring up everything LJF has done/is doing wrong in an attempt to redirect attention from the fact you cannot leave her alone.

Let's get something straight. If you (or whomever else) on internet thinks I'm pathetic, it doesn't bother me. And how is this any different that achase paging her to ask her what was going on with him? It's not. Get over yourself.

Because you're not asking her how things are going. You're quoting two different posts, comparing them and pointing out how she's contradicting herself. You're going out of your way to make her look like an idiot.

You really need to find a hobby or something.

Her stories do not match each other. Are you new to the bump? Do you not realize that people get called out when their stories don't add up?

I've been around TK/TN/TB since 2007 with a different name -- I'm well aware of the call-outs and flaming. It's pointless, especially when it reaches the point of beating a dead horse like you're doing.

nire99

Remind me again, why we give a flying f**k who LJF bangs?

achase123

WhatDidIDoWrong:

I just wonder if his family and culture have issues with single mothers what will they say when they find out about B's bio father? What's the point of sticking around just to get hurt later on. It's not just you anymore, would you really want to be apart if a family that can't accept you and B?

I didn't see this reply until later but it makes a lot of sense.  Whatever is decided I wouldn't have B around him anymore because he'll start becoming more and more aware every day of people he's exposed to.

For me, based on the conversation I would let it go.  I know that it is difficult to be alone, but the longer you are the more you will realize exactly what you and B need and never compromise on that.

FerreraRocher

This is so fucked up. Seriously? Is your life that bland that you need to pick apart everything? Really?

LJF1218

lurkylulu2:

PrettyInPearls23:

lurkylulu2:

PrettyInPearls23:

ShanJosh777:

This is so pathetic.

Agreed.

And Lurky, don't try to turn this around and bring up everything LJF has done/is doing wrong in an attempt to redirect attention from the fact you cannot leave her alone.

Let's get something straight. If you (or whomever else) on internet thinks I'm pathetic, it doesn't bother me. And how is this any different that achase paging her to ask her what was going on with him? It's not. Get over yourself.

Because you're not asking her how things are going. You're quoting two different posts, comparing them and pointing out how she's contradicting herself. You're going out of your way to make her look like an idiot.

You really need to find a hobby or something.

Her stories do not match each other. Are you new to the bump? Do you not realize that people get called out when their stories don't add up?

I explained the discrepancy in my original post as a miscommunication between he and I.  Yet you still called me out on it so I could AGAIN tell you that I misunderstood him the first time.  You're causing me to be redundant, which I really don't have time for today.  Bump is only for when Barrett is resting.  I think you forget I actually am a mom (and a single one at that!  my choice or not that means I'm the only person taking care of him.  But, oh wait, we're on the SP board, it should be obvious), and taking care of him is priority #1.  So unless you've got something that is truly worth calling me out on, you're wasting everyone's time.

ShanJosh777

FerreraRocher:

This is so fucked up. Seriously? Is your life that bland that you need to pick apart everything? Really?

Life is boring when you're perfect. 

LJF1218

achase123:

WhatDidIDoWrong:

I just wonder if his family and culture have issues with single mothers what will they say when they find out about B's bio father? What's the point of sticking around just to get hurt later on. It's not just you anymore, would you really want to be apart if a family that can't accept you and B?

I didn't see this reply until later but it makes a lot of sense.  Whatever is decided I wouldn't have B around him anymore because he'll start becoming more and more aware every day of people he's exposed to.

For me, based on the conversation I would let it go.  I know that it is difficult to be alone, but the longer you are the more you will realize exactly what you and B need and never compromise on that.

I'm listening to what you guys are saying and know it does make the most sense.  It's easy to say when you're not in the relationship to let it go, but I know you all know that part, too.

Really this issue has not been huge on my priority list.  I'm job hunting myself and Barrett's not been feeling well for the past few days.  So I haven't been spending a huge amount of time thinking about this.  But I'll remember all these points when I do get around to it.

DrBeepersWife

BostonGayGal:

Sounds to me like he talked his way out of it and she let him. I don't think there had been a miscommunication. I suspect that he realized the booty might not stick around so he softened what he said so that he could continue getting laid.

She just needs to decide whether she is willing to accept that his family, and likely Dr. Wonderful as well, thinks less of her because she is a single parent. I would give her more credit if she told him to get the heck out of her life, but I am not surprised that she caved.

Feelings of entitlement and actual self-respect are not the same thing.

:golf claps:

Mysterious_wife

I mean this in the most non snarky way.  Leave his ass and focus on you.  Focus on B.  You need to stop living for attention.  You need to start respecting yourself.  You need to stop being that woman who has to be with a man.  If anything about your situation you should have learned you can't depend on a man to make you happy or to help B.  You need to depend on yourself.  He is just playing you for a fool  His religion is not going to change.  His family is not going to change.  You are always going to be "That woman with a child out of wedlock" to his family.  

 

Excitedtostart

Mysterious_wife:

I mean this in the most non snarky way.  Leave his ass and focus on you.  Focus on B.  You need to stop living for attention.  You need to start respecting yourself.  You need to stop being that woman who has to be with a man.  If anything about your situation you should have learned you can't depend on a man to make you happy or to help B.  You need to depend on yourself.  He is just playing you for a fool  His religion is not going to change.  His family is not going to change.  You are always going to be "That woman with a child out of wedlock" to his family.  

THIS. 

jmepurple

And the award goes to....drum roll please...Lurky

Mominator

LJF1218:

achase123:

WhatDidIDoWrong:

I just wonder if his family and culture have issues with single mothers what will they say when they find out about B's bio father? What's the point of sticking around just to get hurt later on. It's not just you anymore, would you really want to be apart if a family that can't accept you and B?

I didn't see this reply until later but it makes a lot of sense.  Whatever is decided I wouldn't have B around him anymore because he'll start becoming more and more aware every day of people he's exposed to.

For me, based on the conversation I would let it go.  I know that it is difficult to be alone, but the longer you are the more you will realize exactly what you and B need and never compromise on that.

I'm listening to what you guys are saying and know it does make the most sense.  It's easy to say when you're not in the relationship to let it go, but I know you all know that part, too.

Really this issue has not been huge on my priority list.  I'm job hunting myself and Barrett's not been feeling well for the past few days.  So I haven't been spending a huge amount of time thinking about this.  But I'll remember all these points when I do get around to it.

I mean this in the nicest way possible, but it's been a fecking month, I've had longer relationships with dust bunnies under my couch. Stop being a doormat, ditch this guy, and spend some time with yourself.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

MsAng02

PrettyInPearls23:

lurkylulu2:

PrettyInPearls23:

ShanJosh777:

This is so pathetic.

Agreed.

And Lurky, don't try to turn this around and bring up everything LJF has done/is doing wrong in an attempt to redirect attention from the fact you cannot leave her alone.

Let's get something straight. If you (or whomever else) on internet thinks I'm pathetic, it doesn't bother me. And how is this any different that achase paging her to ask her what was going on with him? It's not. Get over yourself.

Because you're not asking her how things are going. You're quoting two different posts, comparing them and pointing out how she's contradicting herself. You're going out of your way to make her look like an idiot.

You really need to find a hobby or something.

Agree.

MsAng02

Now THAT's Funny!!

RoninSirPuppyPup

Does any one else suspect that Lurky is LJF's bd's wife. I lurk here but the way Lurky is always stalking LJF seems more than just a internet stalker.