I Hate The Holidays...part deux

nhonzel

 I posted this a few weeks ago - and my update and request for more advice is below (sorry so long): 

  I Hate the Holidays...

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This is the first year where I may actually consider taking a raincheck for Christmas. I get sick to my stomach thinking about how we are going to deal with "sharing" Christmas dinner with our parents this year. Thanksgiving is out because we will be out of town with neither family. My parents live 2.5 hrs away, and DH's live 1/2 hour away so we see them all the time - in fact every weekend for dinner which is starting to get a little old because it ends up taking up 3/4 of an entire day on the weekend.

Anyway - so to appease our parents we decided to have X-Mas at our house which is not the ideal plan for me since I will be 36 weeks and hosting up to 15 people isn't going to be easy but that's the only feasible way I/we can see it working for everyone. I have told my parents our plan and they are ok with coming here. Mom has even offered to get a ham and is looking forward to cooking and spending time with us.

DH hasn't even mentioned it to his family. If it were just his parents he were inviting I wouldn't think it were a big deal but there are 9 other people who would be traveling out of town and farther than they usually do to come over. In fact I told DH at dinner tonite that mom is planning to bring a ham for X-mas. His response? "Well I better talk to my mom about that. You know she will want to cook what she wants for dinner too". Well then TELL YOUR PARENTS. He just spent 1/2 hour on the phone with her and didn't mention a thing. My mother could care LESS if MIL brings anything for dinner - I was just mentioning that we would be offering ham as well and wasn't it nice that my mom offered to get that for us???

MIL gets her panties in a wad over EVERYTHING. Her feelings are hurt if we don't go over there for dinner every single weekend - hence the "I am over it" comment. I asked if we could compromise and host dinner here every other weekend and now she races me to the punch asking ahead of time b/c she knows DH won't say no. In other words she will ask us to dinner 2 or 3 weeks in advance now which is super annoying. It seems as though he knows she will be upset and annoyed by our hosting X-mas as she is very hesitant to change her plans or traditions. Honestly I could give a shit and don't really want to have this back and forth tug of war (my mom doesn't exactly like bending rules/traditions either but the fact they are making the trip over here says they are willing to compromise too).

I feel that we are doing what is best for both families and trying to accomodate everyone. If they want to come they come and if they don't or have problems with it then they can stay home. But DH is hesitant to tell his mom because of how she will react. I feel like just moving forward with the planning and let him worry about his mom but then I could also see him trying to "alter" our plans b/c his mom will complain. I also feel like leaving the country in December.....

Ok - so fast forward to week 1/2 ago. So I sent MIL an email (upon DH suggestion) that said DH and I would like to extend an invitation to you to join us at our home this year for Christmas Eve dinner. I stated it would be the easiest way for everyone to get together. MIL has not responded in a week 1/2. She spoke to DH briefly last night and when he hung up with her  he said something is "up with her". They spoke for about 1 minute when it's usually 10 or 20 and she was pretty short I guess. My suspicion is she is pissed that it's not going to go HER WAY. Well boo freakin hoo! I think I at least deserve a response, especially since other people are trying to make plans around it. So do I email her again and say "Did you get my email" or just leave it and continue to plan ahead regardless? I am thinking the latter but?????

pivey

Holy christ - can you post that in chapters? My brain hurts and I didn't even read anything!

Miss.Modular

why do you have to see both families on one night? Why not see one family on xmas eve, another on xmas day? geez, talk about bending over backwards. it's time for your husband to buck up and act like an adult with his mother!

MrsL.inMarch

pivey:

Holy christ - can you post that in chapters? My brain hurts and I didn't even read anything!

Ditto Piv. And I honestly tried to read it, but there was so much text my eyes started to have a seizure.

If it involves your MIL, I'll go with "you are right, MIL is crazy and will get over it."

eminbmore

Your MIL sounds kind of like mine - means well, goes waaaaay overboard.  We wanted to do Thanksgiving at our house this year (because we're going to be in a new house and thought it would be fun) and she said no, because some family members (not real family) wouldn't want to travel the extra 20 min.  I think it was just an excuse to get it her way and have it at her house.

That said... I think I would take the bull by the horns and email her again.  I'd be like "I'd like to know what you're thinking for Christmas, so I can plan for the appropriate amount of people.  We'd love to have you, but understand if you do not want to make the trip."  Or something like that.  

DH and I completely agreed that while we will still spend some holidays at family houses, now that we're starting our own family it's time to start some of our own family traditions.  I think it's good to put your foot down  

nhonzel

pivey:

Holy christ - can you post that in chapters? My brain hurts and I didn't even read anything!

I know - sorry. It pained me to click "post"

amandainma

Take deep breaths.....Let it go.....Plan the dinner.....She will deal.

amandainma

I also agree with Miss Mod.