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northernvabride
member
Moms of 3, or pregnant with your 3rd?
northernvabride
member
I think a couple of ladies on the board have 3 kids or are now pregnant with their 3rd...so I just wanted to see what the age differences were and how tough it was to go from 2 to 3. Thanks for any thoughts.
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Re: Moms of 3, or pregnant with your 3rd?
not me, but should we be congratulating you? if so, congrats!
we don't have 3 now, but 3 are definitely on the table. if we did, it would be 2 more years from now, so the kids would all be 4 years apart. i really like that age separation.
i have heard that going from 1 to 2 was much harder than going from 2 to 3. after 2, you already know how to multi-task with kids. interested to hear what moms here have to say!
There are 28 months between my first two and 27 months between #2 and #3. I think it's a pretty good age difference. For us, it was harder to go from 1 to 2. When I had my third, we just sort of rolled with it. I will say that DD3 is my mellowest baby (thankfully!) so that helps too. I'm still trying to figure out how she will eventually be incorporated into bedtime routines. Right now she stays up well past when the first two go to bed. I can't envision how our new bedtime routine will go, but we'll get there. I was out and about with three much sooner than I was out and about with two.
Having three kids has also forced me to be more organized about some stuff. For example, my diaper bag was never kept fully stocked all the time so it seemed that every time I was going out anywhere I had to check and see what I needed, all while trying to rish two kids out the door. Now I know that the bag has to be kept stocked and packed. If I'm going to be going somewhere that requires more than the average diaper bag, it's packed the night before. I just can't be dealing with that kind of thing while I'm getting three kids out to the car. I know some moms probably already do that kind of thing, but I'm only starting to do it now that it's a necessity!
#1 and #2 are 24 months apart, #2 and #3 are 21 months apart.
My #3 was a colicky mess for the first few months, so it seemed like going from 2 to 3 was SOO hard, but then when his colic ended, it's so much easier... I think going from 2 to 3 is not that big a deal. (well, except now paying about $3000 a month in daycare
)
DD and DS are 2 years 3 months apart, and DS and #3 will be 2 years 2 months apart. So far, that age difference has worked well for my first two. There are pros/cons to any spacing. I wanted mine between 2 and 3 years apart so they hopefully grow up together and have a strong relationship to carry into adulthood. That's especially important since I have a girl and a boy, and I'd worry that if they were too far spaced, the gender differences plus a several-year gap would hinder that.
* What follows is long because a friend asked me this recently, so our discussion is fresh in my mind... *
I was shocked at how difficult going from 1 to 2 was. I was in a better mental/emotional/whatever place since I had experience and perspective to draw from, but the logistics of meeting the very different needs of two young kids was a lot trickier. I swear they conspired during that first year to each always need something from me when the other one required something completely different. I'm assuming it'll be exactly like that, except with one more kid in the mix, come November, and am prepared (though it won't be pleasant or easy). DD will be 4.5 years and can do plenty of stuff for herself (plus understand and show patience when I have to attend to DS and #3 instead of her). So I figure the main work will be juggling DS and #3...which will be pretty much exactly like it was the first time...and therefore hopefully not as big an adjustment as 1 to 2 was.
I'm a little concerned since DS is a more "spirited" toddler than DD, so he may not be as accepting of all the adjustments in the next year or so. I really lucked out with how well DD handled adding him to our family. But on the flip side, he and DD entertain each other and play really well together, so maybe that'll actually make life a bit easier when #3 is here?
Another thing that could make life easier - or more complicated - is that DD will be in preschool 9-1, M-F. Perhaps DS will get the one-on-one attention he'll likely be looking for during that time and the sheer fact of having one less little person in my house during those hours will lower any stress levels. Or...having to stick to a rigid morning and early afternoon schedule may make me want to pull my hair out. When DS was born, DD was home with me all day so we woke/ate/napped/whatever whenever worked best for us.
Also, I'm more laid back as a parent overall. I'm very aware of how fleeting these pre-K years are and what I really want the kids and myself to get out of them. Part of that is also that DD is so intuitive and picks up my moods and examples, and I don't want to be one of those high-strung moms who always has a hundred things going on and makes sure everyone knows just how much work being a parent is. Schedules are more flexible, priorities are different, and I really don't sweat the small stuff. Hopefully that approach that has developed over the last 4 years will serve me well when #3 arrives, and perhaps he/she will pick up on it and be my most chill baby of them all?
Ooh...Thanks for asking this. I've been wondering as well. I'm also curious if those with older kids felt like you missed out on fun things when your #3 came along.
We're finally getting to the point with the LOs when they are so fun and we can do more stuff, and that will only increase with time. I've felt like for so long we were tied to the house and slaves to the schedule, routine, and naps. I'm nervous that if/when we have #3, we'll be stuck inside again all the time, slaves to routines, and I'll miss out on fun things with the twins and watching them get older and become toddlers b/c I'll be so focused on a newborn. Does that make sense? Any advice or insight?
I forgot to mention that this is one of my concerns, too. I guess that's a positive for having them close in age, then? I think that having a 4.5 year old will force me out of the house, for her sake, instead of holing up in the house (that is, after the worst of the winter has passed). And that'll be good for all of us in the long run. Sorry, #3, but you're going to have to go with the flow a bit more than your brother, and definitely your sister, had to while a baby. And my older two will have to understand that outings and errands may have to be cut short or skipped on occasion for the sake of #3's sanity. Each child is going to have to make some compromises and sacrifices for the others, but better they learn that lesson very early so it's just part of our normal family dynamic. And DH is already talking about what he can take DD and DS to do while I stay home with a newborn. So as long as we make sure that each kid gets some special things to look forward to, perhaps everyone will turn out well-adjusted after all (of course, that means both DH and I will always be on some sort of kid duty, so we aren't going to get any breaks and will be pretty exhausted for a while...).
No advice but I know what you are saying. We hope to have #3 and are trying to figure out timing. DD#1 is now 2 and she is so much fun to interact with and we do lots of outings with her but sometimes we can't do as much due to the infant. Ideally I'd like to wait until DD#1 is 4 and DD#2 is 2 before having #3. However, that's going to take us back to the newborn stage again right when both girls are getting to the ages where we can do fun outings with them (ages 2 and 4). Therefore, we are considering TTC #3 soon which would put #2 and #3 close together (about a 16+ months apart). My rationale is that it will be really hard for the first year but after that, I'm hoping it gets easier with having them so close in age.
I know exactly what you mean! This is one of many many reasons we are done with 2.