Adopting from a family member?

dragossoul84

So I was wondering if anyone had done this. My much younger cousin may be pregnant her IUD dislodged and she and her bf are both young and totally unprepared to raise a child. She has mentioned to me that she would want me to take care of her child but I dont know about this first off although planned parenthood thinks she is pregnant it is too soon in her cycle to tell another issue is that she lives with me and my husband since neither of her parents want her I feel like it may be to messy.

Dr.Loretta

I'd see if she's actually pregnant before having any other discussions.

Assuming she isn't, I'd see if she could get some counseling and a reliable form of BC.

Assuming she is, I'd contact an adoption lawyer to see what your options are.

dragossoul84

More than my options I'm worried about how it would work out I mean she lives with me and in part I dont feel like I'd be comfortable with it but I dont want to be insulting or upset her. I was just wondering if any one here had adopted from a family member and how it worked out for them. I know it may turn out that she isnt pregnant and this turns into a non issue but I'd like to have a game plan to deal with the situation either way. I'm working with a local adoption agency so if it was decided this was the best situation she would get counseling and services from them as part of my fee

CamJack mom

I am very confused by this post. If it is too early to tell, why is planned parenthood saying she is pg? You are either pg or you're not, there is no grey area.

beeeb

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dragossoul84

They believe shes pregnant as she is exhibiting the early signs of pregnancy. I'm more looking for any one that has adopted from a family member to share with me because on one hand I dont want to reject my cousin and hurt her feelings if she is but on the other it feels like the situation could be very messy.

GLynn2009

We adopted from familt but BM lives in another country.

 I would think that it would be hard for you to adopt the baby with hte BM still living with you. It would be hard on everyone with boundries I would think. How long has she lived with you and would she still live with you after the baby? If she is pregnant you have time to plan so fine that out first.

Nature Lover

is she or the BF a minor? I have no idea what happens when the BPs are minors (do you need their parents consent or can they enter into a "contract" even though they aren't minors?  SOmething to look into.

Also you can know if you're pregnant within a matter of weeks. If its past that, then have her take a test.  If its been less than a few weeks then this seems a bit premature. 

Also, you said you aren't comfortable with this.  That should be the end of the story (if its not right for you then it isn't, regardless of whether her feelings would be hurt). 

If she is pregnant and places the child for adoption elsewhere, have you thought about how she will feel living with you when you bring a new baby home (presumably from some other BM) while she is grieving the loss of her child?  Also I just can't imagine a good outcome of you adopting the child of a relative who lives iwth you.  If she didn't live with you certainly but I would think you would certainly ahve some co-parenting issues.  You would want any chil you adopt to be YOUR child and I think that line would get blurred if the BM lived iwth you.  I also think you would run the risk of the BM bonding with the baby and then being very hurt when she has to move on with her life without hte baby.  Just my 2 cents.  But rearlly, it's too early.

Sally J

My DD is also my niece.  Kinship adoptions are really great and can also be really confusing/difficult.

This whole thread is strange to me.  Your cousin lives with you and might be pregnant and wants you to take care of the baby.  But you are uncomfortable with that.  And you don't know if she actually is pregnant, or if she actually wants you to adopt.

Yet you really just want to know who has adopted from a family member?

SLOW down.  Let your cousin figure out if she is pregnant, then let her work through some emotion, then let her & BF get some couseling.  If or when she decides to make a decision and you are included in that decision then you can figure out what steps to take.

Before you even jump to the adoption part of it, you need to decide if you and your DH want to be parents now, how that will change your relationship with your cousin and her living arrangements, and if you want to adopt in order to build your family.