1st meditation appointment, not sure how to get through it.

Annplus1

I appologize if I come off a little whiny or rambling, that isn't my intent. I just need to type it out so I get it. 3 monts ago I believed I was in a marriage. We were having problems, but nothing beyond normal ones people have, we had been in therapy together and were making real progress. I thought anyway. We were still trying for a baby.

Middle of May I am told we are getting a divorce. I did the normal (I hope anyway) begging, pleading, promising to change, all to no avail. I say screw it, can't make someone love me, and don't know who this guy is anyway, so I start to rebuild. I get into IC with our therapist, and start to get stronger.

Middle of June I turn out to be pregnant with the kid we wanted, tried for, for 4 years. It didn't change his opinion, we are moving forward with the divorce. I guess my brain is okay with that, but man. My heart is broken. We have a mediation appointment tonight, the first one, and I have a lawyer appointment tomorrow.

My question (finally)- Any tricks for not falling apart during mediation? I am okay with falling apart privately after, but how do I get through the 1.5 hours sitting with him and going over all our financial records? Any advice? I don't want to cry, and I don't want to get angry. I want to get through it with any diginty I have left. I also want to keep my blood pressure down for the baby.

Thanks for reading.

achase123

I would prepare yourself for the worst, and hopefully things don't get too nasty.  try to take deep, calming breathes and focus on your health and the baby's health. Stress isn't good for you, keep reminding yourself of that.  You can do it, I am sure you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

JCGreene85

I am getting ready for mediation myself. I wait is killing me. Try to stay strong for your baby. You don't want to get stressed out and raise your blood pressure. Remember that if you get emotional, feel uncomfortable, or anything you can request different rooms and the mediator will bounce back and forth between rooms. 

Definitely prepare for the worst, and have a good plan.  Take notes too because you'll have to do it all over again for visitation  

Please keep us updated.  

Aerochyck

Here is my take on it...if he really doesn't want to be with me then I no longer want him to think he has any power over my emotions.  No matter how hard it was I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing me upset, irrational or emotional in any manner.

It didn't work perfectly but the calmer I remained the more adgitated he got and the easier it was for me to keep my cool.

Annplus1

I agree totally with not letting him see me be anything but content. And you know what? About 60% of the time I am content with my future. I am going to not let him see me upset, because then he gets this condesending air, like I am a child and that will make me freak out. Which isn't who I am.

Thank you for your support. I wish we weren't all going through this crap, but it's good to know that I am not alone in it.

sweetie0228

This is how I got through years of court face to face encounters w/ my ex and holding my composure.  You need to think of yourself as 2 people.

1. The person who is afraid, alone and falling apart

2. The person who is confident, secure and ready with a plan for the future (fake it till you make it)

The confident you needs to protect the falling apart you.  You need to advocate for that person who's world got rocked and can't find the footing.  That person is your best friend and needs you to protect her interests now and in the future and you are going into this to get her the best outcome possible.

I admit it's a little split personality disorder but it's the only way I was able to get through it.  And show him I wasn't afraid of him any more...Even though inside I was still terrified.

LJF1218

I'm so sorry you're facing this.  You're already dealing with the end of your marriage, and then add some pregnancy hormones in the mix?  No wonder you're terrified of falling apart!

Stay strong and as rational as possible.  I got very upset, angry, sad, etc. during my pregnancy and I'm still dealing with the repurcussions of some emotionally fueled actions.  Just remember you have to hold it together when you're there, but let yourself have a good long cry when you get home.

Good luck to you and keep us posted!

Ariana2O11

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I am in a very similar position. I never dreamed I would be pregnant and going through a divorce right now. No particular advice, just lots of hugs and well wishes. 

 my divorce is taking longer than expected, but when it's time to go to mediation or to court, I will take someone I love and trust (close friend/relative/whomever) as support with me. I would even try to have them in the same mediation room as us.  That's my plan, otherwise, i don't know how I would get through it. I have no desire to see him at this point and my pregnancy hormones aren't helping.