Feeling like a failure as a Mom

LIMom

I don't want to turn this into a novel so here is the cliff notes version. I am married to someone who I probably shouldn't be. We are more then oppisite in every way imaginable. Honestly I am not sure why we even married anymore. I had a son when we met and after we got married we had 2 more children. I LOVE my kids, but the stress of working 3 jobs and taking care of most of the household duties makes me crazy sometimes. I hardly get alone time and when I do, something always happens. My patience has been running thin and I have snapped at the boys over stupid things and I feel horrible. I did apologize and have been trying to just breathe. My DH threatens divorce so often and I am not begging him to stay. Here is where I know I am dead wronge we fight and it always gets ugly verbally. My kids have been present to so many of these fights I feel as if I am failing them and me. No matter how much I try to control myself I just boil over. This needs to stop and I am sure I know what the answer is and just can't seem to get there, Sorry if this vent is confusing I really needed to get this off my chest.

MotherBucker

We all have "bad mom" moments... it happens. We're moms, and human. Sounds like you need to cut yourself a break. 

It does sound like what you need to do in your life. You just have to "get there".

Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

ghm

You know the answer to your problem. You are working 3 jobs, or that's between both of you?

You cannot verbally abuse each other in front of the kids. You shouldn't be doing that anyway. Is it just you or it's him, too? I'm really not trying to judge you. Parenting is hard. It sounds like you need help learning how to express your feelings in an appropriate manner.  

LIMom

I work the 3 jobs. Granted one is for just 5 or 6 hours on a Saturday. As for the verbal abuse it does not start that way, but it always gets to that. I am not sugar coating anything here and I have and do see someone for my issues. He refuses to go and has zero communication skills. Just writing any of this makes me feel so bad for my kids. Ijust want to pack them up and keep them in a safe quiet place with just me. When he isn't around things are so much easier even with all that I work.

 

Mominator

I'm not generally one to start chanting "divorce", and I won't even do so in this case since I don't know your full story. However, you said it yourself that you are married to the wrong person and that he threatens divorce often. Maybe you should sit back and take a look at the big picture and really try to figure out what the best next step is.

Temp108743750006959

what is stopping your from starting divorce proceedings?

lazysusan

I know the place you're in too well.  DH and I are opposites, he has no clue how much I actually do around the house, and I work full time.  I lose patience with my kids and I wish I had a longer fuse.  I actually had to take a personal day just to reset myself.  DH and I have been trying to talk through things and take some pressure off of me.  we may go to counseling just to get past some of the fights we just go round and round about with no resolution.  In the best of times how we're opposite really complements eachother, but in the worst of times it can be a big source of frustration.  Hang in there.  Take a break if you can.  Could you use a sick day.  Don't do anything rash in terms of deciding about your marriage when you are too exhausted to think clearly.  I know all of this is easier said than done. 

LIMom

Honestly money and that is it. We have a huge mortgage on a house that is so under water. I blame myself for the fact that I allow him to make me feel like this. If I could afford a cleaning person it would help, but I am barely making it with all the bills we have now. We also have 3 dogs which 2 of them are 100+ lbs and shed all the time. So I am always vacuuming. My kids are amazing and I see the effects this has on them.

Temp108743750006959

If money is the only reason -- I'd go and talk to a lawyer (many available at low cost). You -- and your kids -- deserve a better life. The divorce won't happen overnight and won't be without challenges but it's time for change.

Melett

I just want to say I am sending T&P your way-it sounds like you are doing the best you can right now..Is there anyway you could sit down with a counselor alone and figure this all out? I know you don't have time, but if you make time you could have someone there for support and to bounce ideas off of..

LIMom

Melett:

I just want to say I am sending T&P your way-it sounds like you are doing the best you can right now..Is there anyway you could sit down with a counselor alone and figure this all out? I know you don't have time, but if you make time you could have someone there for support and to bounce ideas off of..

 I do see a great counselor and she has also seen my husband. She does not think he will change and honestly does not like my husband. He has walked out of more then one session when she says anything to him about his behavior. I am making an appt. today and might see a attorney as well. I just need to be able to be the best I can be for my kids.

Mominator

LIMom:

 I do see a great counselor and she has also seen my husband. She does not think he will change and honestly does not like my husband. He has walked out of more then one session when she says anything to him about his behavior. I am making an appt. today and might see a attorney as well. I just need to be able to be the best I can be for my kids.

This is key. You are doing your kids a huge disservice by staying in this marriage, as well as yourself. As someone who has been through a divorce with young children, I know that it can be completely overwhelming and quite scary, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If you ever want to talk or have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Melett

That is great you are already seeing a counselor you like. It sounds like you are on the right track. Again, I am sending prayers your way..