MIL asked the dreaded ? How many people are allowed in delivery room?

Davesbrat

I have been avoiding this topic with my MIL because I do not by any means want her there. I am even kinda torn on weather I want my own mother in the delivery room. Well when MIL asked she totally caught me off guard and DH wasn't there to back me up so I told her the hospital doesn't really have a policy on how many extra people are in L&D. Which is completely true. Although I did hopefully save myself by telling her that I'm not sure what the Dr's policy is. I told DH that he has to break the news to her but I just feel so quilty. DH is an only child and we will be MIL's only chance to watch her grandchildren being born.

Am I a horrible DIL for not wanting her there? Please someone tell me that I am not being unreasonable. TIA...

eminbmore

I want my mom and NOT my MIL.  I don't know if she'd want to be there, but I definitely don't feel comfortable with it.  I don't think you're being unreasonable at all!

Miss.Modular

if you tell her she can't wait in the waiting room, that = unreasonable.  but not wanting her seeing your bits and pieces is a totally ok request!

 

 

leslienpete

I wouldn't want my MIL there. I don't even want my own mom there. I love the phrase somebody has in there siggie (maybe it's better1/2) "If you weren't there for the conception, you won't be there for the delivery."

the_magic_number

Someone on here has a quote in their siggie that says "If you weren't there for conception, you won't be there for the delivery."  I think that fits here

MrsL.inMarch

I truly don't get this at all. It's not a public event, if you were having a surgery, she wouldn't be in there. If your husband was having a hernia operation the parents wouldn't be in there. I don't think there is anything magical enough that requires your MIL to spend a day looking at your vagina, period.

Yes, it's a sore subject with me and my crazy bat shit MIL, can you tell? LOL. 

MrsAMB07

I'm also torn about my own mom, but def. not MIL. We get along just fine, but she was able to have her privacy when her children were born and she'll be there in the hospital waiting room... she doesn't have to be there to see him be born. Don't feel guilty... if you're not 100% comfortable, set your boundaries now.

pregolili

You are not a horrible DIL,  it is such a personal life experience and it's sily for anyone other than your husband to expect an invite! 

 
 

alicatt79

Talk to the nurse when you get there and tell her to ask everyone to leave when you feel it's time.  This shouldn't be any more stressful than it has to be.  Or put the dirty work on your dh.  You are not being unreasonable at all.

Jb&Jb

No-you're not being a horrible person.  You don't owe anybody a look-see at your vag, except maybe hospital staff and DH

303jess303

You are not being unreasonable!! I am not even having my own mother in the delivery room. when people ask i tell them what my fiance told me..."we were the only 2 in the room when she was made, so we should be the only 2 that are in the room when she is born" (besides doctor obviously) Dont feel bad, you need to feel comfortable!!!

Aprilsies

I can as many people as I want in the delivery room - I haven't decided who I want in there yet - and you may change your mind when your in the moment. I am just telling people I'll know when we're there.

zivvy

I won't have anyone but my DH. That was the deal with the first one, too. ILs waited in the waiting room until I was presentable and then got to come in and meet the baby.

holly423

Neither my Mom or Mil will be in the room for delivery. They had the chance to deliver their children their way and I want that chance too. They will be allowed to come in some while I am laboring, then they can wait in the waiting room. I really don't care if they get their feelings hurt, this is DH and mine's child not theirs.

audreyf1978

I did not have anyone in the room except for DH when our daughter was born and it will be the same with this baby.  Our families just stayed in the waiting room until she was born and I was all cleaned up and ready to see people.

Jhawks482

I do NOT want my mother or MIL in there. There isn't any reason why you can't just tell her straight up that it will only be you and DH in the room (even if your mom is in there). Nothing to feel bad about.

LyndsayQ

leslienpete:

"If you weren't there for the conception, you won't be there for the delivery."

I remember seeing this and always thougth it was hilarious. 

pivey

Per below...I thought I wanted MY mom in there and now I'm pretty sure I will inflict damage...so MIL, hells no. Waiting room is fine.

I figure it this way - when you marry into a family only one member of that family is entitled to see your lady bits. The rest are purely platonic.

gilmoremama

You are 100% normal and reasonable.  I don't even want my MIL in the waiting room!  She's a nurse and she'll try and bust her way in.

I don't think a grandparent has the "right" to see his/her GC being born.  I think that crosses a line.  But she certainly should be able to see GC within a reasonable time frame.

pivey

Per below...I thought I wanted MY mom in there and now I'm pretty sure I will inflict damage...so MIL, hells no. Waiting room is fine.

I figure it this way - when you marry into a family only one member of that family is entitled to see your lady bits. The rest are purely platonic.

ErinNConnorsMom

I wouldn't have wanted my MIL there, either, though it wasn't an issue b/c they live 5 hours away and she didn't express an interest in being in the delivery room, either.  My mom was there for the birth of my dd, but not for ds.  Honestly, I was only in the hospital 2 hrs before giving birth to dd and 1 hr before giving birth to ds.  Calling ppl to let them know where I was at was not a priority.  Why don't you just call her right after baby's born and tell her that things happened so quickly that you didn't have time to call?

MEJ2008

I would just let DH break the news. I feel bad for people that have this problem, you're the one in there with your legs spread in intense pain it should be totally up to you who is in there. No one should expect it.

ajanes

Nope, not unreasonable. Here's my philosophy combined with the other quote.  "Giving birth is NOT a spectator sport.  Unless you have hospital ID or were there for the conception you won't be there for the delivery."  I have told my MIL this countless times.  I still think in the back of her mind I'll change my mind- but nope my mom and MIL can both wait in the waiting room until everyone is clean, presentable, and I am ready to deal.

Davesbrat

patrish1980:

I don't think a grandparent has the "right" to see his/her GC being born.  I think that crosses a line.  But she certainly should be able to see GC within a reasonable time frame.

I have no problem with my MIl she is a nice lady and we get along good. I don't by any means plan on withholding DS from her so that isn't a major issue.

Thanks to everyone for reassuring me that is not selfish of me to not want her there.

Davesbrat

patrish1980:

I don't think a grandparent has the "right" to see his/her GC being born.  I think that crosses a line.  But she certainly should be able to see GC within a reasonable time frame.

I have no problem with my MIl she is a nice lady and we get along good. I don't by any means plan on withholding DS from her so that isn't a major issue.

Thanks to everyone for reassuring me that is not selfish of me to not want her there.

Davesbrat

patrish1980:

I don't think a grandparent has the "right" to see his/her GC being born.  I think that crosses a line.  But she certainly should be able to see GC within a reasonable time frame.

I have no problem with my MIl she is a nice lady and we get along good. I don't by any means plan on withholding DS from her so that isn't a major issue.

Thanks to everyone for reassuring me that is not selfish of me to not want her there.

Davesbrat

patrish1980:

I don't think a grandparent has the "right" to see his/her GC being born.  I think that crosses a line.  But she certainly should be able to see GC within a reasonable time frame.

I have no problem with my MIl she is a nice lady and we get along good. I don't by any means plan on withholding DS from her so that isn't a major issue.

Thanks to everyone for reassuring that is not selfish of me to not want her there.

Davesbrat

patrish1980:

I don't think a grandparent has the "right" to see his/her GC being born.  I think that crosses a line.  But she certainly should be able to see GC within a reasonable time frame.

I have no problem with my MIl she is a nice lady and we get along good. I don't by any means plan on withholding DS from her so that isn't a major issue.

Thanks to everyone for reassuring that is not selfish of me to not want her there.

JimsBride08

My MIL asked me too.  I told her the truth-that I can have 4.  I did tell her that I don't want anyone but DH in there.  I do actually want my own mom to be available if needed, but she doesn't need to know that until the time comes. 

bunny_bride04

There is no way my MIL would be in the room.  Its not just you.  She had the opportunity to see her son be born, that is the only thing you have the "right" to see.

rynhales

I had my mom, gram, sister, mil, and fil in the room while I was feeling good but as soon as contractions were getting too uncomfortable I asked everyone to leave and they all came back when everything was over and everyone was presentable. No one had a problem respecting my wishes. It is YOUR day, YOU are doing all the work, YOU decided who gets to stay and who goes.

Rangergal9

My mom thought she was going to be in the room for delivery but I broke the news to her that I dont want her there.  DH also gave her the quote "if you werent there for conception then you wont be there for delivery"  MIL never asked but we told her from the beginning that it was just going to be DH and I.  I definitely dont want anyone checking out my vajayjay!

fizzylidz@gmail.com

I think you're being completely reasonable. ?I don't even want my own mom in the delivery room, much less my MIL. ?I asked my sister to be in there with me, since she's my best friend. ?My DH gets a bit sqeamish at the sight of blood, so I'm not 100% sure I can count on him to stay in the room the entire time, so I asked my sister if she could step in for him when needed. ?I asked my mom to watch our 6 year old while we're in the delivery room. ?That seemed to make her feel better. ?Maybe just explain to your MIL that you are not comfortable with people seeing you in that kind of condition and give her something to do while she waits. ?Maybe you can get DH to ask her to put up balloons and banners at your place while she waits? ?That way she can feel useful without totally hurting her feelings. ?Otherwise, if she pushes, just let her know flat out that you don't want anyone in the delivery room other than your mom and DH.

Hope all goes well for you!?

XseeinstarsX

I didn't have anyone by my DH in the delivery room...We didn't go and tell anyone I was going to start pushing because we wanted to share the moment with each other and no one else for the first baby. There was some drama afterwards but it dissolved quickly after everyone held him. My DH is also an only child and I told his mom that if she wants to be in the room for #2 then she's more than welcome along with my own mom. So it's really up to you and your DH.

gnatty_girl

Not at all!  Perfectly normal.  You and your DH need to decide who you're comfortable with, and that is what matters.

 

What I'd do- get a good doula, and tell her to tell me that I wasn't allowed to have any extra people to "distract" me. ;-)