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Single Parents
LJF
What ever happened with Dr. Wonderful? I have been MIA on vacay for the past five days but I didn't see an update. Are you still seeing him?
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Re: LJF
Hope you enjoyed the vaca!
Yes and no. We actually had a big talk this weekend since it's been a few weeks, just to kind of see how we were both feeling. He's still just as sweet as can be and involved with Barrett, too, but he told me that while he reallly likes me he has to be honest that we could never be in a permanent type of relationship. He is from another country and his culture and religion wouldn't be approving of him having a family with a single mother.
I was actually somewhat taken aback. He is very Americanized and I often forget he is not originally from here. His point of view is very focus on today and not worry about the future and we are enjoying being together now. While I agree with that to an extent, that is the type of relationship I had with B's father and we all know how that ended. So I told him I didn't want to continue seeing each other and getting more attached just so that it would be more painful later. He was very understanding and we decided to be friends.
But we're still talking everyday and making plans to spend time together, etc. Only as "friends" but I fear that is going to put us on a slippery slope that I don't want to be on. We were getting closer and more comfortable with each other, which is why we had "the talk". So now I just don't know what to do. He's told me the truth that it can't be long term, but I know he'd like us to be together now. I just don't know if that is good for me.
I think all of this is great advice. If you want to be FWB or just friends with this guy, I wouldn't include B in your time together. I know that's not easy as a single mom, but if there's not a future for the two of you (which he's clearly said there isn't), then B shouldn't be involved.
I'm leaning towards your opinion, Becca. Especially this:
"I however think you have gone too far to be FBs.... so I say move on." I think he's stuck firmly inbetween the two roles and we can't move farther or backwards.
Guess we're going to have to have another "talk".
Why are you still seeing him after he made such an insulting comment about you and your child?
Yah, ITA with Becca. For me it would be too difficult to "move backwards" so to speak. I also think that if someone wants to be around me the #1 thing they have to embrace, understand, be ok with is the fact that I have a child. P is my world and if anyone isn't understanding of that then they aren't worth my time. It has been a dealbreaker for me in the past and it would be in the future if someone didn't show an interest in the fact that I am a mother.
Whatever the reason behind his reasoning is (religion or anything else) I think that he isn't in the same place as you. Kuddos to him for being upfront early on though, but I wouldn't have him around B anymore.
It's really difficult to be a SP, especially when you aren't used to being alone. It DOES get better though, I promise.
I think this is a large part of why I just didn't let it go in the first place. I am used to being in a relationship and it's strange to not be. But I do want to choose someone who at least has the potential for the long haul, and as nice as Dr. Wonderful is he's been clear that he's unable to be that.
Thanks for holding up the mirror, ladies. I know what I have to do now.
The real question is how many doctor wonderfuls is little Barrett going to have in his life? I mean she only dated this guy for a couple of weeks and brought him around the baby.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
Why do you constantly and I mean constanly stalk out LJF just to be a simpleton? Really? You sound like a total creeper and make yourself look like a total tool! It's getting old and to be frank I'm pretty sure she along with alot of others really could give a shiit about what you think about her decisions in life.
Get over yourself my dear. I'm just saying that she may want to hold off on introducing her son to every Tom, Diick, and Doctor Wonderful. Her son's parental situation is less than ideal already, should she really start making a habit of bringing a slew of men in and out of his life? Her judgement sucks and her entitlement issues are ridiculous. I call her out just as I would anyone else on here.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
Oh honey, there is nothing about myself to get over. You are nasty to her and venture all the way over to the SP board to grill her every chance you get. No one ever said that anyones situation is ideal especially when you are a single parent and trying to date. But there is this thing called class and tactfully telling someone an opinion. Unless you have walked a day in a SP's shoes....you really have no room for judgement. Did she make a mistake sure....is this a huge one, yes I agree. But are you that perfect that you have never made a bad choice in your life? I am just saying there are ways to go about giving advice and opinions. And from your posts and comments directed towards her...it just boggles my mind that you waste this much negative energy to bully someone on a internet forum. You don't like her...got that. You don't agree with any decisions she has made and will probably not agree with any decisions she makes in the future. But really to litter every post she makes with your hate.....it speaks volumn's about the kind person you are.
Oh honey, there is nothing about myself to get over. You are nasty to her and venture all the way over to the SP baord to grill her every chance you get. No one ever said that anyones situation is ideal especially when you are a single parent and trying to date. But there is this thing called class and tactfully telling someone an opinion. Unless you have walked a day in a SP's shoes....you really have no room for judgement. Did she make a mistake sure....is this a huge one, yes I agree. But are you that perfect that you have never made a bad choice in your life? I am just saying there are ways to go about giving advice and opinions. And from your posts and comments directed towards her...it just boggles my mind that you waste this much negative energy to bully someone on a internet forum. You don't like her...got that. You don't agree with any decisions she has made and will probably not agree with any decisions she makes in the future. But really to litter every post she makes with your hate.....it speaks volumn's about the kind person you are.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
I don't recall ever telling you were to post and not to post. I do however recall telling you that it makes you look like a tool that you feel the need to waste the energy to come to a single parents board and act like an ars. And I never accused you of doing what she did. I simply asked you if you were perfect.
Of course she is. And anyone who thinks their child's father should pay child support (like myself) has entitlement issues.
Clearly, you're dense. I have never once said he shouldn't pay child support.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
Honestly I was thinking this too but didn't comment as I lurk. I was more hung up on the fact this loser gave her a such underhanded insult about her AND her child and she's OK with that??? Why??
I could NEVER be w/ someone like that so it's hard for me to understand why's she even wants to be w/ this ?sshole.
IMO this goes back to the judgement issues I was talking about. Making such a statement makes me think she has no self esteem and is one of those ladies who always.needs.to.be.in.a.relationship, even if it means sacrificing her self respect.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
I guess I am dense, because I don't understand what she feels "entitled" to beyond child support. It's not like she is saying that he should leave his wife for her, and she's said she has accepted that he doesn't want to be involved in his child's life.
I guess I'm dense, too, because I've never understood how I act so "entitled" either.
And getting back to the original post's point, thanks to everyone for your input. I think it is especially hard to date as an Only Parent since I don't have an EOW situation or anything. I think as Barrett gets older it will be very important to hold off introductions until I meet someone who I become serious about. I didn't really make that a consideration yet since he is so young, but I realize in the next few months he'll start to really develop attachments so I'll have to keep an eye on that.
This is the case for alot of us here, and none of our DB's were married (to other people).
Then its not the case for most of the woman here! Big difference.
Very true AND many of us have been "the wife" and had husbands who cheated on us with one or many (as was the case in my situation) other women. However, even though it struck a nerve for us, we are still able to offer LJF advice based on the common ground that we all share as single parents, no matter how we may have come about the title.
So if those of us who have been a victim of infidelity are able to swallow our pride in order to embrace a fellow SP, what I can't figure out is what everyone else's issue with her is.
THIS!
RIGHT ON, SISTAH. ::round of applause::
I don't think this statement applies to LJF. She chose to be a SP and have a child with a married man. She made her bed and now she needs to lie in it without complaining about it.
I'm sorry, no sympathy here.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
If you weren't so obsessed with LJF, you'd realize I wasn't even talking about her. Things are said on other boards about the SP board. I'm just saying some people who's curiosity gets the best of them may just find themselves here one day. Nobody is immune to it.
Agreed. It's the old saying about glass houses. Part of me always wonders if the curiousity with this board comes from people secretly wondering/fearing if they will someday end up in the same boat, as single parents. If things were so perfect at home then why the need to come onto a message board simply to spew hatred over the same issue over and over again? I *get it* that this is a PUBLIC message board but there are a few lurkers on this board who have never posted anything but negativity. That much anger has to stem from somewhere.