50/50 Custody

BeachBum1223

I know this is impossible to answer, but in your opinion how likely is a judge to grant 50/50 custody with a baby?  What I mean is living with daddy 1 week and then with mommy for 1 week, alternating.

I think this type of living arrangement is terrible at any age honestly.  I hope STBXH doesnt try and fight me on this because I will refuse and then it will be left up to a judge to decide.  The most I'm willing to allow (once LO is old enough ~ 12-18 months) is EOW overnights.  I cant imagine giving LO up for a whole week at a time. 

Thoughts?

JCGreene85

I have never heard of an arrangement like that. EOW plus one week night visit is norm I think. I'm about to go through this well, but my ex is out of state.

PrettyInPearls23

I'm assuming your LO very young.

 

No, a judge will not grant 50/50 to an extremely young child. Generally the only time this is done is when the child is older, the parents live very close to each other and have a positive co-parenting relationship. I only know of one single mom (both from here and IRL) that actually has this arrangement.

 

A lot of men will say they want 50/50 in the beginning. They say it's about time with their child, when in reality it's about "winning" the battle and/or not wanting to pay child support. Stick to your guns and they eventually back down and realize they're fighting a losing battle.

But, please keep in mind that as your child gets older, it may be benficial for them to spend more time with their father. You'll have to be away from your child at some point, and while it will be tough for you, please remember this arrangement isn't about you and your feelings. It's about your child having a positive relationship with their father.

BeachBum1223

PrettyInPearls23:

A lot of men will say they want 50/50 in the beginning. They say it's about time with their child, when in reality it's about "winning" the battle and/or not wanting to pay child support. Stick to your guns and they eventually back down and realize they're fighting a losing battle.

But, please keep in mind that as your child gets older, it may be benficial for them to spend more time with their father. You'll have to be away from your child at some point, and while it will be tough for you, please remember this arrangement isn't about you and your feelings. It's about your child having a positive relationship with their father.

I know it's just about "winning" for STBXH, he was never "there" as a father until after we left, now he's become Dad of the Year and its disgusting.  It's all about hurting me and making himself look better to others.  I agree that its important for LO to have time with the dad, but only if the dad is doing it for the right reasons right?

LO is 8 months.

mdotm0904

I'm actually going through this right now (and thank you Pretty in pearls for writing this: A lot of men will say they want 50/50 in the beginning. They say it's about time with their child, when in reality it's about "winning" the battle and/or not wanting to pay child support. Stick to your guns and they eventually back down and realize they're fighting a losing battle.) Because i know that's how/why we're even having the 50/50 custody talk. His ego is hurt.

But to OP, my ex actually has 50/50 week on/week off with his STBXW (kids are 7 & 8) and they live a mile down the street from each other. He went to court wanting to only give her every other weekend & a few hours during the week but the judge ruled 50/50. (long story, about how he even ended up with the kids!)

Since i'm scared crapless at this point i've been researching alternate joint custody schedules in case we DO end up in court, and some suggest alternating days so that LO sees both parents each week as opposed to: one parent this week, one parent the next week. For example. Monday-Tuesday with mom. Wednesday-Thursday with dad. Mom would get LO Fri,Sat, Sun of that week. Then the following week it'd be Mon-Tues with dad. Wed - Thurs with mom. Dad would get LO Fri, Sat, Sun of that week...and so forth. Sounds confusing but when you print a calendar out & actually map it, it's not that difficult and to me that seems less confusing/frustrating than week on/week off. Again, not ideal but seems less traumatic.

But hopefully it doesn't have to come down to that for either of us until a VERY long time. But i guess to answer your question, i don't see your ex getting 50/50 custody of your LO as an infant.

dmndsr4eva

From what information I have gathered so far the child should bond with one parent (mother) who is the primary care giver.  My attorney said that a baby or very young child shouldn't really be away from the primary care giver for more than one night at a time.  Day time visits for a few hours are ok though.

However, given my circumstances of moving 1.5 hours away from my ex I am allowing two night in a row every other weekend.  But I can already see that my 19 month old is very confused about being away from both of us.  It really sucks. 

fall-love

momack86:

For example. Monday-Tuesday with mom. Wednesday-Thursday with dad. Mom would get LO Fri,Sat, Sun of that week. Then the following week it'd be Mon-Tues with dad. Wed - Thurs with mom. Dad would get LO Fri, Sat, Sun of that week...and so forth. Sounds confusing but when you print a calendar out & actually map it, it's not that difficult and to me that seems less confusing/frustrating than week on/week off. Again, not ideal but seems less traumatic.

But hopefully it doesn't have to come down to that for either of us until a VERY long time. But i guess to answer your question, i don't see your ex getting 50/50 custody of your LO as an infant.

 

Don't be so sure...  My LOs are 3 and 9 months, and my X got 50/50 on a 2/2/3 schedule as described above.  The baby gets exclusively breastmilk, so he is stepping up to the overnights by staying 2 overnights a month until he turns 1,  1 overnight a week from 12-15 months, 2 non-consecutive overnights per week from 15-18 months, then full 2/2/3 at 18 months.  I fought TOOTH AND NAIL to step it up like that, and there's a clause that XH insisted upon that states if he weans or I lose my milk prior to 18 months, he immediately begins the full 2/2/3.  The judge was in full support of the overnights beginning right away, like I said, I had to fight really hard to get them stepped up.  And he's a perfectly decent dad.