Question for Birthmoms who have placed

myohogirrll

Hi you amazing, strong, brave women. My question is, how did you find your adoptive parents? Agency, Attorney, an Ad you saw somewhere.

We're not with an agency, we're just using an attorney and networking on our own. I'm wondering if birth moms might be more likely to use an agency.

Would love to hear from you. Thank you! 

Karinabobina

I started with an agency. I liked the agency initially. They seemed very supportive. I had picked ou a potential adoptive family. Once I picked the family, my adoption couneslor encouraged me to accept gifts from them and consider letting them pay my health insurance. I grew reluctant but didn't quite know why. After I let the potential adoptive mom come to my ultrsound with me, she called me by the wrong name, twice. It really rubbed me the wrong way that she could not get my name right. It's not a complicated name either. I just began to wonder way too much, if she can't get my name right, how can I trust her to send me pics and letters?

That was the straw that broke the camels back. That's when I decided (one the hardest decisions ever) to not place my daughter for adoption to someone I didn't know. That's when I agreed to let my aunt and uncle adopt. I felt horrible about breaking the famlies hearts, but I didn't want to regret my decision. I realize now the agency wanted me to take the hand outs so that I would feel obligated and not change my mind.

We then went through a private attorney. He was great. He referred me to a great therapist. I legally had to see her three times, but I didn't mind. She helped me a great deal with my grief. I enjoyed the attorney route better, but that's just because it worked for our situation.

Hope this helps a little!

Patches08

I choose a couple through Bethany Christian Services. I on the other hand immediately bonded with the adoptive mom (she reminds me of a younger version of my mom). She and adoptive dad came to most of my appointments and Amom cut the cord in the operating room (I had a c section). They didn't give me any gifts or ever made me feel uncomfortable.. They offered to pay my copay in the hospital ($300) but I paid all my other bills and Dr.'s fees/copay. I picked the adoptive family when I was like 3 months pregnant.

hersheykiss

I used Bethany Christian Services for my adoption plan and they let them review several family profiles. I chose a family from those. Actually, the APs were not even active, they had adoptive 2 years earlier and were inactive. Another SW in the agency heard about our dilemma and approached the APs to see if they would be interested in going active just for us. They agreed, and the rest is history.

myohogirrll

Thank you so much for your responses. @Karinabobi, I've heard of several impersonal, corporation-like experiences from Adoptive parents about agencies. That sounds like it was awful for you. That's part of why we're using our attorney instead of an agency. That and she's also much more affordable.Just wondering how often real situations come from placing an ad in a paper or on the internet.  

Patches08

FWIW, all of my family and mentors told me to stay away from ads in the paper or the net. Too much risk on my part. Not to say children are not places with those couples but as a birthmom I felt like I had a team on my side working with the agency. I wasn't 100% impressed with BCS (they were going through some staff changes when I was pregnant) but in the everyone was happy. So it can go either way.