Vent/advice

haleyw458

Ex used to be a big part of Drake's life. He had him EOW from when he was 3 months until he was 1. He started watching him again in February 1 of the 2 nights a weekend that I had to work and my parents would watch him the other. He would never watch him all weekend because he had to leave one night to party. That only lasted until the end of May, and he hasn't had him overnight since. The only time he ever sees him is if the ladies at his work call and ask me to bring him by so they can see him.

The other day I asked if he could watch him for me 1 night this weekend. He said he couldn't because he was going to be out of town an hour away. I was mad of course but whatever his loss. Well come to find out, he wasn't where he said he was, but actually 2 hours away at a girls daughters first birthday party meeting her for the first time and spending the weekend with them. It makes me so mad that he would rather spend time with them than his own son. I ask him to watch him constantly and he always has an excuse why he can't but then he has no problem spending time with someone else's kid.

I texted him and told him that we needed to get everything with Drake figured out. Since at this point I have no idea how much involvement he is going to have in his life, I want to get his last name changed to mine so I'm going to hope he will be okay with it. It's never bothered me before, but now that he has minimal involvement it's starting to get to me. So what do you ladies think?

mdotm0904

sucks that he's acting like that. I don't know your ex but as for the last name change thing, i doubt he's gonna give you an easy time about it, whether he chooses to be there or not. It's some alpha male ego thing. I especially think he's not going to go for it because you have a son. My daughter isn't even BORN yet & Her father has given me HELL for the past few months about wanting to give her my last name straight from birth (we finally reached a compromise about hyphenating, but now that he's being a jerk asking for a paternity test "just to be sure" and threatening to take me to court if i don't give him 50/50 custody, I just may do the first spiteful thing I've done all pregnancy and change my mind and give her my last name anyway). 

Just want to say good luck, hopefully he doesn't care.  

cherryringpop

I changed my daughters last name to mine a few years ago and it was expensive but the best money I have ever spent. She was about 3 at the time. We always called her by my last name anyways. I didn't want her to start school with the last name of someone that she didn't even know.

MiniBabe84

Honestly, if BD doesn't want to be a part of LO's life you can't make him, and forcing your son on him (ie you having to call him and ask him to spend time with him instead of him calling you) is no good for your son. 

I had a similar issue with BD and it was only when I told him that I was no longer going to call/email/send pictures/ask him to see him and that if he wanted to be involved he needed to call me.  About 2 months later when J was rushed to the ER for respiratory distress, I text'd BDs mother to let her know what was going on, she told him and he rushed down.  Apparently something "clicked" when I told him that he hadn't seen his son for 2 months and had he even bothered to pick up the phone he'd have known J had been sick for a month.  Since then he's been pretty consistant.  He's still a twatwaffle, and huge PITA, but he's a part of J's life and that's all that matters.

IMHO, you need to let BD know that from now on if he wants to see LO then he needs to pick up the phone, and you have to be willing to accept if/when he doesn't.  Better to not subject LO to a disinterested father, than for him to be subjected to waiting at the window for a dad that never shows.