Hi all potential parents...I'm a birth mother...

runnergirlch

Hi all potential parents.  I'm a birth mother.  I released my child when I gave birth at 17.  I just wanted to let you know that if you have any questions that you may wish you could ask birth mothers, don't hesitate to ask me.  I was very confident in my decision and my bio-son is absolutely beautiful and incredibly smart (not sure where he got that trait from).  So, I am not sensitive in answering questions.  I know it is very, very hard for the adoptive parents.  

 

Thanks. 

MamaB2009

Welcome to the board!  Do you have an open adoption?  Anything you wish you could change about the situation/communication you have with the adoptive parents and your son?

Dr.Loretta

Hi and thanks for posting. I hope you visit often.

fallsbride

Welcome and thank you so much.  From time to time I wonder about things and it would be great to have a perso to ask! Please post often as we appreciate all of the insight!

 

 

TruN

Yes, I'll like to know is

Do you have a open-Apdotion?

Do you ever want your son back ?

How does it feels to know you have a child out there but his not with you ?

soon2Bkranz

No questions but thanks for being so open

mommytoconnor

From an adoptive mother who waited for 4 years, I would like to extend my thanks for placing your little one up for adoption.  I think it is the most difficult decision and yet you have to love your child enough to give them what you couldn't.  What a wonderful unselfish thing you did.  I know you have made his parents so happy and I wish you all the best.  Thanks for being so open.

runnergirlch

Hi all prospective parents.  I apologize for the delay in getting back to you.  I'm still trying to figure out this website.  Anyway...here are some food for thought for you and little of my experience...

 I went through an agency (Bethany Christian Services).  I strongly recommend that to alleviate any legality issues. I have an open adoption; however, it did not start that way.  Initially I simply wanted pictures and letters to know how he was doing.  Thankfully, the family ended up expressing interest in me to continue our relationship.  So, the adoption soon became open.  

 As I said before, I was very, very confident in my decision, but I also had many, many parents to chose from.  So, some things that helped me "sway" to one parent vs another were the following:

1.)   In there testimony of faith, I was looking for something written from the heart.  I didn't want professional, but I didn't want sloppy.  I wanted something sincere.  Something that you could tell thought AND love went into.  If you are required to write a testimony of faith, write it from your heart.  One parent appeared almost as if their father (who was a pastor) had wrote it.  I, like many mothers, simply wanted sincerity.   

2.)  Though open adoption is pushed, please understand that birth mothers NEED time to heal.  They need time to grieve, move on and heal.  That doesn't mean that a barrier of communication needs to be in place, but rather time...and only time.  I see far too many adoptions that are pushed into immediate open and the birth mother never has the chance to grieve and separate.  I am 31now...and when I  married at 30...I, THEN, actually began grieving for my separation.  I let the parents know what was going on so they could understand, and after awhile I was fine.  Birth mothers need grieving time.  Don't let agencies direct you or push to rush into the open agreement.  Request time.  It will benefit you, your child and your relationship with the birth mother a ton!

3.)  Don't feel like you are required to bow down to the birth mother and/or her family.  You have to realize as adoptive parents you are not only opening the door for one individual, you are opening a door for two!  If I had not given my son up for adoption, I would still have survived, but my opportunities and, especially his opportunities, would not have been as much as they have.  I wanted my son to have more opportunities than not only I had, but than what I could give him.  YOU ARE A HERO!  Don't EVER feel like you are anything less...and trust me, when you see the birth mother hand over her child sobbing in tears, you will feel just that.  I've seen adoptive parents go through far too many hoops just to please the birth mother. No need.  No need.  You are there to provide the hospital stay for the child and his/her needs...and emotional/ possibly physical support for the birth mother.

4.)  Don't hesitate to give domestic adoption consideration.  Yes..it may appear easier; however, you really don't know what the medical background is of an international child, where a domestic child you will/may have more access to that knowledge.  My son is allergic to penicillin.  I'm not...nor was the birth father.  My father, however, was.  The parents called me up one day and asked if anyone in my family was allergic to penicillin.  I was able to immediately give that answer.  An international adoption, you wouldn't have that opportunity....even if you did, it may not necessarily be correct.  

I have head off to bead, but I will frequent the site more...now that I figured out how to get on the site.  Don't hesitate to ask me any questions.  I will post something tomorrow to tell you of my most recent visit with my son in which he had discovered I was his mother...and the parents asked me to take him out and we were able to talk.  

I appreciate your kind comments.  I'm proud of my decision, but I am more proud of my son and, especially, his parents.  They are remarkable parents!  Just as I am sure all of you will be or are already.  

Many regards...

 

--Runnergirl--