SIL refuses to call LO by his name

Clotho!

So SIL refuses to call ds#3 by his name. She said this past year she had a student w/ the same name and he was so awful so she can't call our LO by that name. So she is calling him by his middle name only. Look I get it you don't like the name we chose for our son but he is our son and not yours you don't have to like his name. If we had intended him to go by his middle name we would have named him that instead. What really gets me is that she didn't even ask she just told us that she didn't like his name and that she would be calling him by his middle name instead. So how do I nicely ask her to call my son by his first name?

ETA: When I say SIL I mean my brother's wife not DH sister.

lorist202

Tell her that it's hurtful to you that she would allow her feelings for a student to interfere with the way she relates to her nephew.  I never had this issue, but I do have nicknames for my cousin's children that became very special between us, like "(Michelle) My Belle" or "Big Kid (the oldest)".   Maybe that would be acceptable to you?

And as a last resort, go ahead and play her childish game.  Tell her a child with her name picked on you as a kid and it brings back terrible memories.  From now on, you'll call her Mildred.

kathrnn

I would first try explaining that it frustrates/bothers you when she calls your son by his middle name. Honestly though, it sounds like she just needs to grow the heck up. Usually I'm not much into giving someone a taste of their own medicine, but if she's not going to act like a grown up, then don't treat her like one. I agree with PPs, call her by a different name and see if that helps her to understand any.

liljoshua33

This is so childish and wow. I agree with everyone else -- try to be adult about it and have a conversation about it and if that doesnt work give her a taste of what she is dishing out like the others said --

 Usually I'm not much into giving someone a taste of their own medicine, but if she's not going to act like a grown up, then don't treat her like one. I agree with PPs, call her by a different name and see if that helps her to understand any. (said perfectly in my eyes) 

How does your hubby feel about it? 

laurakaz13

In this case I would just have my husband deal with her.  He would tell her to knock it off and he would mean it.  It does just sound like she's being completely immature. 

Clotho!

yes she's very immature about alot of things. Dh doesn't mind as much b/c ds MN was his first pick for his name but we compromised and made it his MN.

Scout05

Eh, in all honesty, who cares? Yes, it's really immature of her, but I don't think paying back immaturity w/ the same behavior/passive agression really puts you ahead.

I would just ignore it. It's pretty unlikely she will stick with it for his entire life, and even if she did...eh. It can be a pet name she has for him or something.

I just think there are bigger issues in life than someone being immature and annoying, and really, ignoring the behavior all together tends to take the wind out of their sails. If you make a big deal about it, or start calling her by her middle name, you give her power and validation, and she'll most likely keep doing it just to be spiteful.

I know it's not easy to rise above and all that, but it really is the most effective way to end this kind of crap.

Sorry she's being like this.

 

nugget0411

just keep correcting her...my BIL (DH's brother) keeps calling DS by a stupid nickname of DS's name and i just keep saying "nope it's _____ not _______" and make it more of a joke...he thinks it's funny but we don't like it so i keep correcting him until he figures it out! and if anyone else says it for the first time i say no we actually don't like that name right infront of BIL and i'm sure he'll eventually figure it out.

laurakaz13

Oops!  It's your brother's wife.  Okay, then I would just keep saying, "Please stop calling him by his middle name. You know it bothers me, so why would you do it?."  Every time.  Eventually she'll stop. 

normajeane6126

Ignore it. When you talk about him, use his name. My grandmother always calls DS Matt and I always respond with Matthew. Eventually, she'll either get tired of it or your DS will get big enough to tell her that that's not his name.

BostonGayGal

Scout05:

Eh, in all honesty, who cares? Yes, it's really immature of her, but I don't think paying back immaturity w/ the same behavior/passive agression really puts you ahead.

I would just ignore it. It's pretty unlikely she will stick with it for his entire life, and even if she did...eh. It can be a pet name she has for him or something.

 

I don't understand why you would care or put any thought into it at all.

carinamarie77

BostonGayGal:

Scout05:

Eh, in all honesty, who cares? Yes, it's really immature of her, but I don't think paying back immaturity w/ the same behavior/passive agression really puts you ahead.

I would just ignore it. It's pretty unlikely she will stick with it for his entire life, and even if she did...eh. It can be a pet name she has for him or something.

 

I don't understand why you would care or put any thought into it at all.

Just bc it wouldn't bother you doesn't mean it shouldn't bother OP. We all have our buttons.

OP, I'd tell SIL to knock it off and mean it--get really annoyed with her about it (like you are) and see if she's willing to keep pssing you off to stick to the name she likes.

skio

Scout05:

Eh, in all honesty, who cares? Yes, it's really immature of her, but I don't think paying back immaturity w/ the same behavior/passive agression really puts you ahead.

I agree with scout in that you shouldn't stoop to her ridiculous level and start calling her by her MN. She's acting like she's twelve years old, no need to reciprocate.

That said, YOU obviously care about this. You just have to decide how much you care. Enough to confront her yourself? Enough to have your brother talk to her for you? Or enough to just let it be and let her grow out if it like some pp's suggested. If I were in your shoes, I really don't know how I'd deal with it. I think I'd try to ignore it up to a point, but I can see myself pulling her aside to ask her to stop doing it eventually.

liljoshua33

laurakaz13:

Oops!  It's your brother's wife.  Okay, then I would just keep saying, "Please stop calling him by his middle name. You know it bothers me, so why would you do it?."  Every time.  Eventually she'll stop. 

 

I like this idea much better and it sounds much more adult and would really drive it home --  

desdemona39

Ugh. I know how annoying that can be!

 My mother insisted on pronouncing DD's name differently, so I kept correcting her. She eventually said that she likes her way of pronouncing the name better (her way of saying she doesn't like our name choice), so I told her that when she has another kid, she can name them whatever she wants and pronounce that name however she would like.

Quiroloslove

My mother tried this because she simply didn't like the name we choose. I think it's so very disrespectful when people do this. I understand where your SIL is coming from, but she has to respect the name you've chosen for your child. I say your DH handles it. My husband have adopted the mantra...your family...your problem...my family my problem. I know it sounds crazy, but it really works. Of course, if someone does something completely disrespectful to my face...I'll handle. However, if it requires a talk..sit down...let the husband/wife...handle it for their family. Would your DH be willling to talk to her and say how hurtful it is and could she please stop? Good luck...I know it's hurtful. I finally told my mom is she planned on calling my son Ian, not his name, that we would not be visitng.

 

laurakaz13

Quiroloslove:

My mother tried this because she simply didn't like the name we choose. I think it's so very disrespectful when people do this. I understand where your SIL is coming from, but she has to respect the name you've chosen for your child. I say your DH handles it. My husband have adopted the mantra...your family...your problem...my family my problem. I know it sounds crazy, but it really works. Of course, if someone does something completely disrespectful to my face...I'll handle. However, if it requires a talk..sit down...let the husband/wife...handle it for their family. Would your DH be willling to talk to her and say how hurtful it is and could she please stop? Good luck...I know it's hurtful. I finally told my mom is she planned on calling my son Ian, not his name, that we would not be visitng.

 

laurakaz13

laurakaz13:

Quiroloslove:

My mother tried this because she simply didn't like the name we choose. I think it's so very disrespectful when people do this. I understand where your SIL is coming from, but she has to respect the name you've chosen for your child. I say your DH handles it. My husband have adopted the mantra...your family...your problem...my family my problem. I know it sounds crazy, but it really works. Of course, if someone does something completely disrespectful to my face...I'll handle. However, if it requires a talk..sit down...let the husband/wife...handle it for their family. Would your DH be willling to talk to her and say how hurtful it is and could she please stop? Good luck...I know it's hurtful. I finally told my mom is she planned on calling my son Ian, not his name, that we would not be visitng.

 

I meant to post that it's not her DH's sister, it's her brother's wife.  She needs to deal with it.