VBAC

Feeling discouraged

I think I'm in need of a VBAC pep talk.... and since I don't know anyone IRL that gets it, I'm hoping someone here will take pity on me and tell me that it will all work out :)

 

 With my DS, my pregnancy was textbook perfect... and then when it was time to give birth, it felt like everything that could go wrong did go wrong.  I went overdue, I had a failed induction, nothing worked to get me dilated, DS went into distress, I ended up with a c-section, DS ended up in the NICU, yadda, yadda, yadda.  I felt like my body failed me.  Something had to be wrong with me for things to go so wrong....and those feelings are still probably lurking around in the back of my head.  How could I want a natural birth so badly (compared to a lot of my friends who didn't care one bit how the baby came out) and have my son's birth go so terribly wrong.  

 

Fast forward 2 years, I'm pregnant again, and know I want a VBAC.  Know it, want it, need it to "make up" for what happened last time.  And I still have these feelings of self-doubt like something is wrong with my body that I can't have a baby naturally.  I feel like everything has to fall in line perfectly for me to achieve a VBAC, and yet so much of it is out of my control... I have to stay healthy, no GD or P-E to make the doctors nervous about me being high risk, no going overdue, need to dialate on my own with no pitocin, etc.  Except it's not going perfectly at all.  I failed my 1 hour glucose test and have to re-test next week, I have vericose veins bulging so far out that my doctor gave me a lecture about blood clots today, I'm measuring 2 weeks ahead and I've already gained 19 pounds.   If I can't make my body cooperate now, how on earth will I get a successful VBAC?  

 

I know no one can give me a guarantee that it will work out.... but I guess it just helps a little to get the feelings out on "paper" and maybe know that someone else has felt the same way along the way.  I don't know any other way to overcome this self-doubt and fear that everything will go wrong again.  

(and if you made it through all of that, you earn a cookie :).  Thank you.) 

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Re: Feeling discouraged

  • Your body can do it!!!!  Women are made to give birth and it is not your fault that you had a C-section. The more intervention you have the more as risk you are for one.  For me, I gave birth naturally TWO times and then had to have a c-section so I know the feeling of your body failing you but in my case I knew I could do it because I have done it before.  I know you can too!  Women with GD have done VBACs and so have women with very large babies.  That should not stop you!  I recommend buying the VBAC Sucess tracks (there are 2 of them) on the Hypnobabies website, those have helped me immensely with the confidence issues I had when I first decided to VBAC.  Good luck to you, we are all here for you!
  • imageroonarpia+1:
    Your body can do it!!!!  Women are made to give birth and it is not your fault that you had a C-section. The more intervention you have the more as risk you are for one.  For me, I gave birth naturally TWO times and then had to have a c-section so I know the feeling of your body failing you but in my case I knew I could do it because I have done it before.  I know you can too!  Women with GD have done VBACs and so have women with very large babies.  That should not stop you!  I recommend buying the VBAC Sucess tracks (there are 2 of them) on the Hypnobabies website, those have helped me immensely with the confidence issues I had when I first decided to VBAC.  Good luck to you, we are all here for you!

    Wow, thank you for recommending.  I downloaded and fell asleep listening to it :-).   OP, I'm in the same boat.  I think our doctors are coming at us from a purely text book, scientific angle.   That's what they are paid to do.  It's been difficult for it not to discourage me.  I've failed the 1 hour but barely passed the 3 hour.  I was only supposed to gain 30 lbs, thus far, I've gained 47lbs.  Now, they are throwing the "baby might be getting too big card" but told me that if I go to birth on my own, that they have no problem with that.  So I'm praying and hoping that my body does what it's supposed to do . I've hired a birth doula to 'coach' me through the process.   I'm only 40+ days away and so nervous. 

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  • I know that I haven't formally introduced myself on this board but just wanted to say that I really enjoy reading the advice offered by you all here. 

    For me, the easy route would be to just get the RCS.  I really want my VBAC because I do intend on having more children and healing from my last c-section was long and painful.  I was induced, then offered the narcotic  stadol (to sleep) but it wigged me out so much that I no longer felt at ease and stalled at 5 centimeters.  I was offered the c-section for failure to progress (FTP) 10 hours later. 

    While having a natural (med free) birth is not my end goal, I'd like to labor at home as long as possible before heading to the hospital.  The goal is healthy baby and mommy so if I don't go into labor on my own, I'll be ok with a RCS.  I'd just like to at least try for  VBAC and I've found that in some medical communities, I'm denied that opportunity.  So infuriating!

  • All those feelings are so normal, I'm sorry!  I was so worried about going past EDD and having high bp since those were my issues with DS, but then I ended up with GD this time.  What made the difference?  Switching practices at 24w and hiring an awesome doula.  Attending ICAN meetings where I didn't feel like a fool or whiney for having these feelings. 

    Actually I feel like GD was a blessing in disguise for me b/c I kept my numbers within range, even through the holidays.  I ended up losing weight and my total weight gain was 25 lb. compared to 50 with DS.  I think it helped keep my bp down as well as it was never an issue.  My midwives didn't treat me any differently b/c of the GD except for NSTs towards the end. 

    It sucks that we feel like the stars have to align just right for us to get a "normal" birth, so being proactive and controlling some little things that we can control can help. 

    During one of my ICAN meetings we discussed "Birthing From Within" by Pam England and it seemed like it would be a great read, I just never got around to it.

    Hang in there!

    DS born via c/s 11/08 and med-free GD VBAC DD 3/11! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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