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Trouble TTC
Ugh IF bitterness.
My SIL miscarried last year, and is now currently pregnant. We are genuinely happy for her because I could never imagine going through a miscarriage. But on the other hand, my bitterness is getting the best of me. From the time she miscarried till she got pregnant again everyone walked on egg shells around her and baby talk was a no-no around her. Well at a family gathering someone had spoken up around her and had asked me when we were going to start trying, well SIL started crying and ran upstairs. Some family members had followed her and when they came back down I felt like they were upset with me because I talked baby talk around her. Well fast forward to now - they all know about our IF struggles and all we ever talk about is her baby, her appointments, her nursery, her milestones, etc. Now the new thing is every time they see DH and I they tell us we need to come see the baby room. I don't even know what I'll say when I go over there.
I want to be happy around her because I know when it's my turn, I'll be just as excited. But it hurts me that we had to baby her last year through her miscarriage, but DH and I are supposed to be fine with everything baby now. And to top it off, her baby shower is coming up, which I so nicely offered to throw for her.
Ugh...why does IF make me so bitter?
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Re: Ugh IF bitterness.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this tricky situation. Could you and DH have a
to 
with your SIL and let her know that while you can't imagine how difficult going through a miscarriage was, you're dealing with your own struggle right now with IF and just as she was very sensitive to certain discussions and situations after her miscarriage, you're dealing with something similar?
My guess is she probably wouldn't have been too eager to go and see someone's new nursery after her miscarriage or even now if she wasn't already PG again, you know?
This is a great resource for letting family and frinds know how they can best support you while you're dealing with this: https://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/
GL hon ((HUGS)).
ETA: When I say you're dealing with something similar, I'm not trying to compare the pain of a miscarriage to the pain of IF since I've never experienced a miscarriage, but just that you and DH are dealing with an emotional time in your lives right now and deserve compassion and understanding just as someone dealing with a miscarriage would.
Me: 32 - Stage II Endo / DH: 36 - Low count and morphology (1%)
IUIs 1-3 BFN, lap Dec. 2010, IUIs 4-6 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 - ER 2/8: 24R 19M 9F ET 2/13 2-5 day blasts (no frosties) = BFP - b/g twins!
E & C Born 10/19/2012
This. I think your SIL just isn't realizing how her actions are affecting you and she'd probably understand a lot more if you opened up to her about how you feel. Good luck! I can completely relate to how you're feeling about all of this, it's so hard.
I would definitely see if your DH could have a private conversation with her to let her know that while you're very excited for her, baby talk is really hard for you to be around right now, given your IF challenges.
Sometimes, people don't realize they're being insensitive until someone brings it to their attention. Once she knows, she'll likely be a little more conscientious.
Baby G born November 14th, 2012 after 2 years of trying + IVF - our little miracle!
IF does things to us that we never thought possible. It makes us into people we wish we weren't. If I were you, I'd be upset to.
I just try to tell myself (doesn't always work), that me being bitter is only hurting me. It doesn't bother the person that causes my bitterness....just me.
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
My IF blog
Im so sorry she is being so insensitive. I agree with the other ladies. I think you should talk to her, because the pain your feeling is just as real as the pain she felt. It is not fair that she doesnt treat you with the same grace and love that you did when she m/c.
I have had both a miscarriage and still IF and its VERY similar pain. Praying for you!
Thanks ladies for all your responses. It's nice to have a great group of ladies to talk to who understand all the IF emotions even though I wish we didn't understand and have to be here.
byrne: I love the bolded statement. It's absolutely true. I am just hurting myself because she's not the one worrying about it day in and day out.
wow that website is great. I will def. be sharing that website whenever we decide to come clean to family about our TTC journey
I agree with PPs, I would talk to her. I am on the other end of things, I've had two losses and now struggling with short LPs and my two SILs are pregnant. They have been very supportive and try to not have too much 'baby talk' in front of me.
However, in the beginning, it was not like that. I was actually going through my second loss a month after they both announced and every conversation revolved around them. I did not expect them to stop talking about it altogether, they sould talk about it and be super excited, it's both their first!
I just talked to them, and told them it hurts to talk about 24/7. I am happy for them, my one SIL actually had a loss herself so I know she understands completely what I am experiencing.
I know our journeys are different, but I do view IF and m/c on a level ground of sorts. IF is the loss of a dream and m/c is also a loss of a dream. I know both are different types of 'losses', I think if you were to talk with her she would most likely understand where you are coming from.