Is this normal behavior for a 21 month old?

eshaffer

I know I've posted about this before, but this is bothering me! 

I'm a little worried about Matthew's attachment to his lovey "Bear Bear" and his binky. The binky I can kind of understand, he's still getting teeth, etc.  I hate that he will not let me take it in public lately without a complete meltdown.  I hate seeing older toddlers with them, but for now I'll let him have it.  As for Bear-Bear, it's out of control. He is hyterical at bath-time b/c he can't take him in the tub, he can't be apart from it. I've resorted to sitting B.B on the corner of the tub, and he keeps leaning over to hug it. He freaks in his high chair if B.B is sitting on the table, not with him.  And I mean FREAKS.  He has more than 1, so we can rotate them in the wash, but he gets ahold of as many as he can, the more the better. I understand this is his "first friend," but it doesn't seem quite normal. He threw a massive tantrum at the mall the other day b/c I would only let him take 1 inside.  Yes, he still had one, but couldn't leave the other behind.  The binky/bear separation anxiety is getting worse by the day. 

I obviously don't mind if he has these, but I'd prefer them to stay at home, or even in the car. Do you think this type of severe attachment is normal, or something to mention to the pedi?

Jaylea

I think it's normal. Toddlers throw tantrums over everything and nothing. What I would do is just start laying out rules. He'll pitch a fit a couple of times, but then he'll understand it's just the way things are (ie, when DD is going up for a bath, I tell her baby has to stay downstairs, it just is the rule, and she cooperates).

 

good luck, they're tricky little buggers! 

minnasmommy

hi! I don't think it would be a bad thing to mention. ?

S is the opposite. she has things that she likes but isn't exceptionally attached to anything, which I think is a little odd. she has a blanket that she sleeps with and "guy" her stuffed rabbit, but she leaves them both in the crib and says "bye". ?IDK.?

sorry I'm not much help! ?

BubblyToes

I think it's normal.  He finds comfort in those things.  I highly doubt he'll take them to college with him.  LOL

Oh no wait, scratch that.  I took my blankie to college.

isabella22

This is very similar to my niece, only BB is replaced with 3 blankets   She is getting better now (she is 3.5 yo) but still likes them.  I don't think it is abnormal, but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask your pedi at his next appt.

My DD is about the same age and is getting a little more attached to her paci and is starting to get attached to a bear.  I think this is where they can start to assert their independence

Angela814

Hmmm... It does appear that he's a bit over attached.  It would be so much easier if they could just talk better at that age and tell us what they're thinking.  I don't know.  DD will still have a fit in the car if she doesn't have her blankie.  At Great America two weekends ago she wanted to go back out to the car to get her baby.  She's not even that attached to her doll.  Luckily we were able to reason with her that baby is too short to go on the rides.  Is he afraid that one of his Bear-Bears will disappear?  Was he afraid something would happen to the 2nd Bear-Bear if it was alone in the car or that it would get lonely?  It's hard to know what they are thinking at this agae.

stacynikki

Hmmm...I'm not sure.  Something I'd discuss with DS's pedi if that were the case with him.  He has three lovey's that he's attached to.  But it's mostly at bedtime or in the morning.  As soon as he's out of the crib he brings two of the three with him (we don't let him sleep with his ugly doll since it's too big).  He'll set them on the couch but within minutes he's forgotten about them until bedtime or naptime if it's the weekend.  He'll search them out if he's upset or tired.  We don't let him take them out of the house and he's okay with it.  Is there something else going on with your DS that might be causing the attachment?

eshaffer

stacynikki:

 Is there something else going on with your DS that might be causing the attachment?

I don't think so.  But he's hysterical when either binky or Bear aren't in sight.  See siggy, lol...bear bear being dragged around outside.  Last night he was hysterical b/c he was in his high chair, BB was sitting on the table about 2 feet away. He screamed and cried and DH gave it to him...and he hugged him so tight it was almost sad.

He's NOT talking at all yet, so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. His comprehension is way above his age, but still no words. I'll probably ask his ST, but I won't see her for another week.

neverblushed

Everyone's heard of toddlers doing these things.  Based on my own kids, I'd say that between 17 and 24 months the "obsession" phase was at its worst.  I think your son is probably on the more intense end of the normal range.  I'd mention it to your pediatrician, just so it goes down in the recordbooks, but I'd be surprised if it raises the pediatrician's eyebrows too much.

In preparing to report to your pediatrician, I'd look for the following:

--does the intensity lessen over the next 60 days?  Toddler obsessions and fears seem to start, pick up in intensity, then reach a peak (where you, the parent, think it couldn't possibly get crazier), then gradually subside.

--can you use toddler logic to help your son be more reasonable about his attachment?  For example, if you say that Bear-Bear is going to be the lifeguard and the lifeguard stand is up on the sink while your son is in the tub, does that help?  Or is he really insistent that he has to be physically touching Bear-Bear and nothing creative you do or say makes a difference?

--If you hold firm on boundaries/limits for Bear-Bear and the binky (like not in the store) does your son freak out and then get himself under control after a while, or does the freak-out last until he's back with Bear-Bear or has his binky back?

If he can get himself under control, if he can be helped with creative toddler logic, or if it lessens over the next two months, I'd figure you've got the makings of a great story for when he's older, but no serious problem.

HTH!

wellfleet04

I was going to say I wonder if it is related to him not talking yet.  Maybe he feels like Bear Bear and Binky can understand him or something?  IDK, but it must be frustrating to understand so much and not be able to say much back and maybe he needs the extra comfort right now.  I'd probably mention it to my pedi if it were Kate, but I wouldn't be too worried.  I took a stuffed sea otter to school with me every single day from preschool through third grade (yes, he did come to college with me) but I eventually outgrew it.

eshaffer

neverblushed:

--can you use toddler logic to help your son be more reasonable about his attachment?  For example, if you say that Bear-Bear is going to be the lifeguard and the lifeguard stand is up on the sink while your son is in the tub, does that help?  Or is he really insistent that he has to be physically touching Bear-Bear and nothing creative you do or say makes a difference?

--If you hold firm on boundaries/limits for Bear-Bear and the binky (like not in the store) does your son freak out and then get himself under control after a while, or does the freak-out last until he's back with Bear-Bear or has his binky back?

I would say no logic works at this point- if BB isn't with him, there is a big meltdown.  He will sometimes be ok w/o the bink when we're outside. I'll tell him to give it to me and he hands it over. Not the bear, though.

As for limits, he will freak out until he's back with them again.