Lashing out at others

nekorayne

There are days when I'm so happy and laid back. I spend those days playing with DS and comming up with lots of activities we both want to do.  enjoy laughing with DH and flirting, stress rolls of my back, and I see the person I want to be again. I love those days. But then I have the days where I get so upset over everything and lash out. I start a fight with DH about EVERYTHING and I get so frusterated with DS that I end up snapping at him and just bing overly stern which is not my style at all in parenting! On  the bad days I feel so guilty and stressed that I cry and start over planning things like our budget or future plans. After days like this I spend time just holding DS and apologizing and telling DH how sorry I am and that he deserves to be treated better, I can'tb stand the guilt of lashing out. The next day may be good...

My mom had mental issues while I was growing up. She was an amazing mom but had days where she was unbearable. She and my dad fought all the time and she was always freaking out about every tiny thing. There were mornings she could not sleep and would just leave the house and drive for hours. She was even in a mental hospital for a few weeks when I was a teen. But when she had a good day she was such an amazing mom, she really was. At the same time she instilled a lot of worry and nervousness in me just by the way she described the world: like she was supposed to teach me to drive and ended up freaking out in an empty parking lot because she was nervous about me driving...just stuff like that made life a bit harder for all of us and I never want to do that to my DS but all of a sudden I see it happening, not so extreme at ll, but I feel stressed and on end and that is enough for me to feel bad for the negative energy.

 I have talked to DH and he thinks the stress is normal and I'm not giving myself enough credit. He really s the most amazing DH ever. He works hard so I can SAH with DS, he has no problem spending his free time with me to cheer me up, he helps with DS and comes straight home from work to play with him, helps with the house, compliments me and loves on me when I need it, listens to me the best he can, and does not fight back on my bad days. He is amazing.

But at the same time he has always had an issue with serious conversations and everytime I bring it up to him he goes on and on about how much DS and him love me and that I'm being to hard on myself. He idoes not understand the psychology around depression and such and therefor truly thinks I am just being to hard on myself, he thinks he is helping by telling me it is normal to get frustrated and have bad days, but he does not get it I guess. In his eyes I am just being to hard on myself...he thinks I'm great and I'm glad but I need him to understand that I want to be better. That I hate feeling this way. That I don't want him just to let me get angry and make us all have a bad day.

For the record I'm still BF. I have no idea what is wrong with me. e have such a sweet and I should be happy. I would really not like to turn to medication because my mom always said that it made her feel off. Maybe I need it though... I don't know I'm just confused...

muddin_lil_sis

I know exactly how you feel. I started feeling this way about 6 weeks post pregnancy. Everything DH did made me so mad. I would get so frustrated with DS because he wouldnt stop crying when I wanted him to. I hated the way I felt. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. I finally talked to my OB 9 weeks post pregnancy and he diagnosed me with  PPD. I'm on meds now and its helping a lot. If I were you, I'd definetly call and just talk to your doc and see what s/he recommends. Good luck!

CeltiCutie

you just described me to a T. I feel like this right now being pregnant with #2 and all the hormones going along w/ these last months. I have so much "mommy guilt" about lashing out at my daughter, my hubby and even my pets. My DH is just like yours and tells me I'm a wonderful mom and a great wife and "too hard on myself" too. Which sometimes makes me feel worse... cuz he is so understanding and here I am being a meanie!

I got on prozac after my first daughter and for me it never made me feel "off." I am hoping to try to do some natural things after this pregnancy to help w/ the hormones, but I often wonder, like you, if it's just hereditary and more actual depression and not just stopping at post partum... Which totally scares me to death because I really don't wanna be a medicated mommy forever ya know? I did really good on the zoloft for 6 months but when I got off I felt like slowly those feelings and "mean mommy" creeped back in to me and now being at the end of this pregnancy I am feeling very nervous, tired and easily frustrated.

I just wanted to offer some love to let you know you are not alone. I would probably check w/ your doctor to see what they recommend and maybe even try doing some little things for you on those days when you do feel like you are lashing out. Give yourself a minute to stop and breathe and reassure yourself that you ARE a good mom and a good wife and you can do this! Positive thinking can do wonders I'm told... though I rarely listen to the advice I'm giving you right now of course! hahaha I also think we push ourselves and try to do SO much thinking we "have to" but really if the dishes or laundry don't get done who cares, no one will die! Just take care of you and your LO and if you slack a day because the thought of it stresses you out and you'd rather fingerpaint w/ LO to relieve stress or go to the park and "run it off" playing w/ LO then so be it! I truly believe that we need to stop guilting ourselves so much especially in that arena, ya know?

 

((HUGS)) PM me if you ever just wanna talk... I understand.