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Baby Showers
scarlettoctober
member
Pass the piggy bank?
scarlettoctober
member
in Baby Showers
I have never heard of this before, but my MIL is "definitely" doing this for my shower. Apparently, she intends to buy a blue piggy bank and then pass it around to the guests so they can fill it with spare change. I find this horribly greedy - "Hey, thanks for taking time out of your day and buying me a gift! Now, give me your spare change, too!" I've politely declined the offer, but MIL does not like to be swayed from what she wants. She's supposed to stay with us the night before the party, so if she does bring a bank, I've got plenty of notice.
ETA: MIL isn't hosting the shower, my mom is.
Married 08.19.06 ~ DS 9.30.11 ~ Baby #2 EDD 11.28.18
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Pass the piggy bank?
Oh dear...
Since your mom is the host, she should handle this. She can tell her the night before that she already planned the party and has a general idea of how she wants to moderate, and it does not include asking guests for spare change. It will make you and the guests uncomfortable. If needed get your husband involved. GL
This is something I would handle myself, and I would not be so "nice" about it. I would be firm and I would tell her that this is NOT o.k. and if she does bring out a piggy bank, you will take it from her and remove it from the room.
And I would actually do this. That is just so so so beyond tacky. This isn't about her "not being swayed". this is about her being told in no uncertain terms that this is not acceptable.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Oh dear god, no. If you have politely declined and she still insists, it is the time to stop being polite. Have your husband speak to her and see if he can talk some sense into her. If she shows up with the bank, hide it, smash it, something. But this is not ok. Don't be afraid of hurting her feelings on this one, if they get hurt, too bad.
Maybe suggest that she put the piggy bank somewhere as a decoration and then if people want to add to it they can. I think passing it around is super tacky.
Edited: spelling
This!
BFP #1 5/2010 - Missed m/c at 8 weeks
BFP #2 2/2011
Baby G welcomed with love and relief 10/2011
Surprise BFP 1/8/2013...say what? Baby A arrived 9/2013
Motherhood is not for wimps
this.
i like the sentiment of having a bank full of loving coins from people who were present at the shower. i think that is very nice to have later in life (granted, the $ wasn't used). but i do think it's very tacky to pass the coin jar around.
Awww...that is tacky.
If you can't smash the bank the night before here's a "compromising" suggestion.
Ask MIL if you can make it into a game. Then...tell people they must avoid a certain word (baby, cute, shower, if you're telling the name then the baby's name). If the person slips up they have to donate to the piggy bank.
I'm not one for stupid baby shower games...but it's a idea to make it less tacky. You're not "asking" for money...they are losing it in a game;).
"A brand new little baby
Needs blessings from above.
And lots and lots of pennies
To fill baby?s bank ? with love.
Babies are God?s precious gifts
Given to warm our heart.
Let?s fill baby?s piggy bank
To give baby a wonderful start!"
I'm all for finding some sort of compromise, but please please please don't make your guests add to it if they say a wrong word - that game with the taboo word/s is the worst of the worst and if I had to hear "oohhh you have to put in a quarter!" every time I said "baby" (and actually feel pressured to put money in instead of something arbitrary like handing over a pin) I'd probably lose my mind and I can't imagine I'm alone!
This is on par with the dollar dance nonsense I've heard about at weddings (although I've thankfully never experienced it). I agree with PP- I would not pass it off to my mother, even though she's hosting. I'd tell MIL myself, regardless of my relationship with her or how unwilling to take no for an answer she might be, that it is unacceptable and you will not subject your friends and family to such greed. Explain that it makes you uncomfortable and if you see her take it out you will most certainly take it away and discard it.
That being said, I've always been told that if you BUY someone a piggy bank (or even a wallet, for that matter), it's "good luck" to throw a little something in there with it. If I were your MIL and I bought you that piggy bank, I'd fill it myself, not ask guests to do it!
Offer a compromise and tell her that you and DH will throw your own spare change into the bank each week and fund your own LO's piggy bank.
I've already told MIL (politely) that we weren't going to do it. I was honest with her and told her I would feel very greedy asking people for money. She's the type that if she is told "no," she hears "Go ahead and do it anyway!" I can't even display the bank as a special gift from Grandma, because she WILL go around asking people to put change in it. DH agrees with me, so if she arrives with the it, it's his turn to shut her down.
She had originally offered to host a shower for DH's family, but DH declined. I was a little irritated with him, as I'd rather have two smaller gatherings than the big one I'm having now, but between this, the diaper raffle idea, and her extreme disappointment that no one would be guessing my weight or waistline, I'm actually very relieved!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would sneak into her luggage and accidentley on purpose, break the damn thing
To those suggesting she break it - that is rude and childish.
To the one pp that associated it with the dollar dance...you are incorrect. The "dollar dance" is part of a Polish tradition (I would know since I am Polish) and it goes along with the Maid of Honor wearing an apron to collect the dollars and passing out shots of alcohol. Trust me on this...I know what I'm talking about. It is a tradition and most everyone who attends the wedding is very familiar with it and it is expected. I have attended family weddings where they did not do it (wasn't planned) and because there were so many Poles there...one was started anyway. Can't mess with tradition!
As for hte OP...do you know if this is something that she thought of, saw at another shower, or is it something that is done at HER family showers? Since your DH declined a shower put on by his family he/she needs to abide by what your mom wants done. It really is up to your mom to tell her you will not be passing around a piggy bank. I do like the idea of everyone signing it though...kind of a cute idea instead of some kind of book. If it is big enough they can write a little message as well...if not then just their name. If MIL wants it filled...then tell her to fill it herself. You can always have your Mom sneak a few coins in the bottom and fill the rest with paper...so it is FULL. lol
I waited before responding because I have heard showers having money jars or banks at them but I didn't know what they were for. My mother said that she has signed piggy banks at showers in place of a guest book but wasn't asked to put anything in them. One of my friends said that they do a money jar but it's for the guest that can guess the amount in it not for the mommy to be. So I thought, interesting shower gift. You could break even and get back what you spent on the gift.
I agree with a PP that some things may be family or cultural tradition. I went to a Nigerian wedding and was like "wth" when the guests started throwing money at the couple while they danced.
We all have MILs and we all know they can be crazy - and you don't want them as an enemy. Be honest. Let her know you are reeeeeeeallllly not comfortable with this, but you really appreciate her willingness to help...."Could you please help with (such and such that needs to be doen during the party), that would honestly be so great. Or if you want to, I am really wanting (this big item) and if she wants to call or e-mail people ahead of time to organize some way that they can donate to the big present fund, that would be awesome."
If it really means that much to her though, you may have to let her do it and kind of apologize to your guests in secret - they're your friends and they will understand crazy MILs.
Don't get off on a bad foot with her this early. Good Luck.
I understand the whole polite doesn't always work too. My grandmother is that way. I found that if I am blunt then she usually will understand that I am serious and will get pissed if she does it anyway. But MILs are a different breed, I think having DH shut her down this time is a good call. Have a great piggy bank free shower!
You haven't changed my opinion. I still think it's rude and tacky. I don't know anything about a MOH and shots, but the dollar dance I was talking about was in regard to posts about having the bride offer dances to guests for a "fee".... another way to collect "gifts". TACKY.
This. If it's not big enough to write messages on, the guests can write messages on little slips of paper and put them in the bank instead of asking for change. I've seen something similar at a wedding, though not with a piggy bank.
As far as the dollar dance goes, some couples who are not Polish have started doing the dollar dance at their weddings. It's not their culture, they just want to raise money for themselves. That could be what the pp was talking about, or at least that is what popped into my mind when I read that comment.
BFP #2 10/13/11 c/p 10/17/11
BFP #3 12/13/11 EDD 8/23/12 DS Born 8/27/12
I don't usually carry cash on me and when I do, I try to save it for emergencies or I have an envelope for grocery money. I am just saying I would be pretty embarassed if the bank came to me and I had to pass it on empty or had to give up some of my food money for it. Unless of course you didn't mind a few pennies in there.
IDK, I just think it is a terrible position to put your guests in and I honestly would rather hurt my MIL's feelings than embarass my poor guests who were only wanting to give me a gift and celebrate the baby with me.
This for sure. Holy hell, I would die if someone did this at my shower!
BFP 5/9/10. U/S - no heartbeat 6/2/10 (7 weeks). Induced miscarriage 6/7/10.
Chemical pregnancies 12/2/10, 1/3/11, and 2/7/11.
dx: RPL due to poor quality uterine lining; begin progesterone January 2011
BFP 3/10/11. EDD 11/19/11. E arrived 11/15/11!
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Ha, ha! This. Me too!
Thank you! If anything that poem makes it worse IMO. You are not filling the piggy bank with love, you are asking your guests to fill it with money. Game or no game it is tacky.
I like PP's idea of asking the guests to write advice down on a piece of paper and put that in the piggy bank.
Eek.
I don't know if it's also horribly tacky, but I once hosted a shower where I put a little piggy bank on a side table and surrounded it with pennies. Guests were encouraged to take a penny that was already there and then make a wish for the new family before putting it in the bank. It never crossed my mind that people would have to fill it themselves.
Good luck with your MIL