Calmed down from being pi$$ed...

shaindelr

I came home from teaching my last night class of the summer and Liam's asleep in his baby swing, Jared is doing stuff around the house, and then he says, "I still have to drive D__ (the babysitter) home."

So I go, "Oh, where is she?" (Her purse was on the couch, so I just wondered where she was.)

He goes, "On the back porch smoking."

So, I'm like "WHAT!?!?"

Okay, I know our babysitter smokes--she's a former student of mine, and I probably know everything about her. But I assumed she never smoked at my house while she was watching Liam. It turns out, when Jared comes home on his break to check on things, she has a smoke break on our back porch. Or sometimes she smokes before he drives her home. They figured this was okay as long as she washed her hands, and chewed gum as soon as she came back in.

I wouldn't have been *so* mad if Liam hadn't just been in the hospital last Tuesday-Wednesday on a nebulizer and doing other breathing treatments, having his lungs x-rayed, etc.

Wouldn't your baby in the hospital with breathing issues mean NO SMOKING in any form around the baby?

Jared wanted to "understand what the big deal [was]," so I found all kinds of articles about third-hand smoke and babies for him. He feels really bad, and we'll explain to the babysitter in the future that the smoking policy has changed, but sheesh!  Thanks for letting me vent.

 

bugandbibs

I am with you!  We have had a similar ongoing battle with my sister.  What part of no smoking around my kids is unclear?  Not only because of the health risks, but I have an eight year old I worry about sending mixed messages to.  (Especially since her birth family smoked and did drugs around her, and I worry about her increased genetic risk for addiction.)

Good for you for sticking up for Liam, and providing the research to back up your stance. 

GHBEA

I had to talk to my oldest DD, she lets her friends smoke in her car, well DD doesn't smoke and I use her car when she uses mine for school.  So one day I load up Olivia for a trip to town and had to drive with the windows down it was horrible.  So that evening when she gets home my car smells like smoke I'm livid now.  To top all this off I have to tell her that she has asthma and it's a health risk for her as well.  When I mentioned it harming Olivia she said "omg I don't want my baby sister getting sick because of me".  Then I told her as long as we are paying for the car (gas, insurance and repairs) we have the rights to call the shots. 

We have to protect our babies. 

Scout05

I totally agree with your feelings on the matter, please understand. I would feel the same way, and you have to make the call that is best for baby. There is no smoking at our house, in our cars, and if someone is smoking around DD in public, I move away very quickly.

BUT, in terms of being pissed, unless you had been VERY clear with both DH and the babysitter that she was not allowed so smoke at all - including outside or before being driven home, I feel like it's an honest mistake. DH probably figured steps were being taken to minimize the smoke odor.

I'm sure your DH feels bad, and hopefully the babysitter will understand the new rules, especially given the health issues you mentioned.

campbaby76

Totally ok to be upset!! It doesn't hurt people to know that this is something that is really a problem. Last weekend we were moving all of the stuff out of Kyle's old house. Jack was asleep in a back bedroom and one of Kyle's buddies walked into the house w a lit cigarette. Kyle didn't say anything and just as I turned around the friend said "oh I didn't know the baby was here! " and ran outside with his cigarette. Later when they came inside he washed his hands but said " I just want to see him but I can't hold him because I've been smoking". I have to assume his sister must have taught him well because he's generally pretty unaware! I had spent the whole morning shutting doors and telling Kyle to shut doors because the neighbor that was helping smoked constantly!!!

LoCarb

You're vent is completely validated.  Liam's recent health issues warrant caution especially to smoke.

Here's a little story about 3rd hand smoke around LO.  I returned to work at 5 wks (before daycare could watch LO) and had a unemployed friend watch the baby 7 hrs/day for a week.  She smokes. A lot.  I didn't realize how much until I saw the butts outside-maybe a pack a day in the 7 hrs.  When did she watch the baby?  Anyway, to the point. She said she smoked outside while LO was sleeping inside.  By day 4 DD had a raspy voice.  Ok, she could've rec'd the raspy voice from other environmental stressors (yet I can't think of any she was exposed to at the time) but we're certain it was due to the 3rd hand smoke.  We even had to question if she smoked around the baby b/c we were surprised of the effect.  Babies immune systems are sensitive and we need to be careful.

janjag

Oh my, I would be really upset.  I always ask sitters if they smoke though.  To me a smoker is an automatic no hire.  Even if I was OK with a sitter smoking on off hours, I don't think I'd trust someone to NOT smoke while working for me, esp if it's all day. 

shaindelr

SouthSideDrea:

Scout05:

I totally agree with your feelings on the matter, please understand. I would feel the same way, and you have to make the call that is best for baby. There is no smoking at our house, in our cars, and if someone is smoking around DD in public, I move away very quickly.

BUT, in terms of being pissed, unless you had been VERY clear with both DH and the babysitter that she was not allowed so smoke at all - including outside or before being driven home, I feel like it's an honest mistake. DH probably figured steps were being taken to minimize the smoke odor.

I'm sure your DH feels bad, and hopefully the babysitter will understand the new rules, especially given the health issues you mentioned.

ITA. 

I understand where you're coming from, and I wasn't mad at the babysitter. It was just that Jared and I had discussed third hand smoke BEFORE Liam was born because he used to let co-workers smoke in his truck if the windows were down if he was car-pooling to work, so he stopped doing that.

I just had no idea the babysitter was regularly taking a "smoke break" on Tuesday nights when Jared came home between his night classes, and then to discover it AFTER Liam ended up in the ER last Tuesday with breathing problems was a shock to me.

Thanks for letting me vent... 

 

RunningGal900

shaindelr:

SouthSideDrea:

Scout05:

I totally agree with your feelings on the matter, please understand. I would feel the same way, and you have to make the call that is best for baby. There is no smoking at our house, in our cars, and if someone is smoking around DD in public, I move away very quickly.

BUT, in terms of being pissed, unless you had been VERY clear with both DH and the babysitter that she was not allowed so smoke at all - including outside or before being driven home, I feel like it's an honest mistake. DH probably figured steps were being taken to minimize the smoke odor.

I'm sure your DH feels bad, and hopefully the babysitter will understand the new rules, especially given the health issues you mentioned.

ITA. 

I understand where you're coming from, and I wasn't mad at the babysitter. It was just that Jared and I had discussed third hand smoke BEFORE Liam was born because he used to let co-workers smoke in his truck if the windows were down if he was car-pooling to work, so he stopped doing that.

I just had no idea the babysitter was regularly taking a "smoke break" on Tuesday nights when Jared came home between his night classes, and then to discover it AFTER Liam ended up in the ER last Tuesday with breathing problems was a shock to me.

Thanks for letting me vent... 

 

I'm with you. I'd be pissed at DH too bc we have discussed third-hand smoke and certain people being around LO.