Help me with our bedtime nightmare

Mickschick

Bedtime here is traumatizing. Mostly for me. Every night I lay with Logan (it's the only way he will stay in his bed). Once he's asleep I leave the boys room. For at least the last 2 weeks Nathan have cried they want someone to sleep with them, they are scared, it's too dark...the list god on and on. Morgan will give upand go to sleep after about 20 minutes. NATHAN WILL GO ON FOR HOURS. I am at the end of my rope. We go on vacation with a group of people in 3 weeks and he can't be doing this. I can't go through this much longer.

sooosie

I think you're going to have to break the Logan pattern to get the others to settle down.  They are probably just doing it because they see you are giving L special attention.  So, time for some CIO perhaps for the little one and then telling the older ones that Mommy cannot come back to their rooms after bedtime.

Ilumine

You need to break Logan's habit.  It is not "fair" (to a little one) that one sibling gets something the other does not.  More importantlyl, it allows him/her an excuse to be irksome.

As a mom who is about to CIO (go SuperNanny) for the second time...we can go through this hell together.

Zenya

We don't CIO here.  

Have you tried a reward chart for staying in his bed?

When DS would get out of bed we set up an imaginary timer.  We told him he had to stay in his bed for 20 minutes (I think we started with fewer minutes actually) and after that amount of time we would come check on him.  If he got up before the 'timer' went off we'd restart the timer.  So if the timer was set for 10 minutes and he got up after 9 minutes he'd have to get back in bed for another 10.  Meaning he'd have to wait 19 minutes total for someone to come.  It worked really well.

Other things we've done over the years... eased ourselves out of his room (sat in chair.. sat in doorway.. sat outside doorway etc), let him fall asleep in the LR... hmm. I can't think what else now but anyway.  Both of them fall asleep alone now with no CIO so it's definitely possible!

joy143dh

I could see DS starting to get into pattern of bedtime stalling a few months ago and had to adjust the routine a little.  My kid is all about routine.   Almost to a fault.  But anyway, it now takes 10 min longer to get to lights out, but it's better than what I thought the alternative would be.  He got a nightlight.  I give him a sip of water once he is tucked in.  Then I sleep with him for 1 minute (he's on the top bunk, so I'm just standing on the bottom bunk with my arms on his railing with my eyes closed.). Then I turn on the music.  As I'm closing the door, we talk about what we are going to dream about for a minute.  Then I shut the door and he will yell out more 'good nights and love yous'. Inevitebly, he'll ask for me to sleep with him again or another cup of water, to which I reply that we've already done that and that now it's time to sleep. If he starts to get upset, I close the door and say "good night sweetie" - which he knows means that I'm done playing.

Anyway, I don't know how that will work with more than 1 kid, but that's what worked for me.

GL!

Mominator

I'm not a fan of CIO for babies, but for an almost 3 y/o? Yeah, you need to CIO. Like the others have said, getting his sleep habits in order will most likely help the other two as well, because Logan is getting something that they aren't. At his age he should be more than able to fall asleep on his own. I went through something similar with Nate last fall (he was 2.5 y/o at the time) and the first 2 nights sucked monkey balls but by the 3rd night he was falling asleep on his own with no drama and I haven't looked back. Good luck!!!!

Angela814

I'm with Zenya. We don't CIO here at any age. I would hate to be left alone to cry if I was scared or upset.

We've done sticker charts with rewards for DD1 for going to bed on her own and staying in her bed all night. We've left and come back to check on her after a few minutes. I've played calming music when I've left. We've had multiple different types of night lights. (She gets scared of the shadows, so sometimes they help, sometimes they don't.) I think the NCSS for toddlers had good suggestions. I like Zenya's timer suggestion too. For the most part now, DD1 asks us to lay with her. We might for a minute or two and then tell her we'll check on her in a few minutes. Usually I put DD2 to bed and let her know I'll check on her when DD2 is asleep. 99% of the time, DD1 is asleep by the time I come into her room.

jlw2505

It sounds to me like you get to get tough with them.  Get a good night light, tuck them in and tell them it is bedtime.  If they cry, let them be - the more you go in and cuddle and lay down with them, the longer this will go on.  Maybe do some type of reward chart - x amount of nights where they just go to sleep with no crying or coming out of the room equals a prize type of thing.

Mickschick

Thanks. Last night Nathan woke up again (He's 4) and woke up everyone. I got tough and decided we were going to CIO. (We've done this before in the past and then fell out of our routine).

It took a while- and I had to sit in the hallway - but everyone finally went back to sleep and stayed in their beds for the rest of the night.

I've been talking to Logan all day today about how Mommy isn't going to sleep with him anymore and he knows that. If asked he will tell you that he needs to go to sleep by himself but that I will sit in the hallway tonight and tomorrow I will sit in the kitchen. Hopefully this will work.

ashleyaugust7

I have always been very against CIO, but when my 5 year old was no longer okay with us sitting outside the door to make her feel comfortable as she fell asleep (demanding that we lay with her), and was not feeling as though she had to close her eyes or try to get herself to sleep, I had had enough.

She had everything she needed to fall asleep, full belly, drink of water, story, music, soft light on, etc. We prepared her that she would be going to sleep on her own and that we were right in the living room and that she was safe.  And she was p*ssed.  And she cried, screamed.  But after a little while (prob 30-40 mins that felt like eternity) she fell asleep.  And we praised her the next day for staying in bed and after that no crying, cooperative bedtime.

I am still against CIO for babies/toddlers who don't have a good understanding of expectations and who don't have the knowledge that they are attached and supported.  But my DD for one, NEEDED to be pushed to that next level.