Help with almost 3 year old behavior please (long)

Melissa17

Little back story- I was recently on bed rest for 9 weeks.  During that time DD1 slept with me in our bed (she would wake up in the middle of the night and didn't want Dad to help her so it was easier for her to sleep with me for everyone to get sleep) and all was well given the situation.

Now, DD2 is here and she is still sleeping with me because we didn't want to kick her out once her sister came.  Bed time is a war right now, dad will get her ready for bed and she will almost be sleeping but then wants me and will not go to bed without me. 

She wails, screams bloody murder and cries (seem like all the same thing, but as parents you know they are different )  and she now does this for anything we tell her "no" to.

I have been counting to 3 to give her a chance to stop what she is doing, but she holds it out until "3" and then panics and screams "I don't want a time out" and stops or does what she is asked.  If she does happen to push the limit, I will put her in a 2 minute time out, but she runs crying and screaming away from me "I don't want a time out".

The other day she did a cost benefit analysis of her jumping on the couch vs time out, she decided she wanted to jump on the couch one more time and then have a time out.  She really did tell me that if she jumps on the couch one more time she will then sit in a time out until the buzzer goes off and then play again.

I realize some of this is 9 + weeks of strict bed rest where family and friends came in and out of our house to help, but catered to her every whim.  Some of this is testing boundaries for a 3 year old, some is a new sister and some is the fact that my patience is less for her now because of said new sister taking my time/energy.

I am open to suggestions on how to deal with her now, do not want to spank/hit/whatever term you care to use.

Thanks if you read this all and thank you for any suggestions!

nmh2001

Sorry, I have no advice, but I can commiserate with you. My almost 4 year old is doing exactly the same things. I also have a 20 month old daughter and I'm due in 5 weeks with baby #3! (I know, I'm crazy, and this is the last baby for us, I swear!).

 My oldest dd has always been an angel but is very very clingy and needy. She did fine when my second daughter was born but now she's having serious issues just like you described. I don't know if it's the baby coming or what. She also switched schools recently. She's having tantrums at the blink of an eye (like if she doesn't like the way I did my hair!), hitting me, screaming, kicking and waking up screaming in the night so she ends up my my bed screaming and kicking us all night long. It has me worn out and I already feel like she monopolizes all the attention from her easy going younger sister and I have no idea how I'll deal with all this and a new baby!

I'm just starting to read the book Parenting the Strong Willed Child and it seems to apply to her. You might want to check it out. It apparently has a 5 week program to teach parents to positively approach discipline instead of just letting the bad behavior get worse. Good luck to you!

CagleBaby

Gooing through the same thing here. I was put on bed rest for the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy and my 3yr old and 18month old are really testing there limits. I think they have picked up on the fact that I can't pick them up to put them in time out. (I had a csection) So they are pushing every limit. I was doing the count to 3 thing as well, but she never moved until I got to 2 and now it is 3. So I have to tell her "If I have to tell you again, you are heaing to time out". It isn't working all that well.I hope things will get better soon.

Melissa17

Thanks for the book tip, I will check into it.

Also, thanks both of you, sometimes it just helps to know you are not alone in your battles!

Good luck to both of you.

 

SammyluvsJ

I had a very similar situation when me DD arrived. I feel for you!

I have another book rec. It can fell pretty silly sometimes but honestly changed DS...and when I get lazy and he starts acting out again...I reread chapters get inspired and it works again. My girlfriend who is a therapist showed me it.

https://www.google.com/products/catalog?hl=en&q=love+and+logic&rlz=1R2ADBF_en&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&biw=1280&bih=654&wrapid=tlif131250936380410&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=shop&cid=11127710726744180788&sa=X&ei=1E07TriaGPPWiALW7ZzoCw&ved=0CGUQ8wIwBQ#

flyingsaucer

I did the whole 123 Magic thing and I have to say that it has helped.  I have found that if you are trying to work on a behavior, it is best to choose 1 thing at a time and work on that (so if bed time is the biggest issue, try to just focus on that and not ask her to change 12765 different things at the same time.)  The other big thing is to be consistent.  Don't do threats.  If you say she will get a time out, give her one, even if its 10 times in an hour.  It sucks for you in the short term, but helps in the long term.

As far as the bed time, in my house, my 3 year old goes into his bed every night at the same time, gets 2 stories and a song and lights out.  We have to be very consistent with him and can't give in to his wishes/demands (one more story, one more song, etc).  You might just have to keep bringing your DD back to bed over and over (or sit in her bed with her until she falls asleep) until she is able to do it.  If you are tough one night but give in the next night, you will only prolong the process.  We read (and loved) the Sleep Easy Solution.  Really helpful for all ages. 

 We bought a really great toddler clock from amazon for DS when he transitioned into his big boy bed that has worked wonders.  We tell him he has to stay in bed as long as the rabbit does... and he actually does it!

 https://www.amazon.com/KidSleep-KSCLB-Classic-Blue/dp/B000VVIHPS/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1312661630&sr=8-4