Would you forgive someone if they said something under the influence of alcohol?

Jamaica_Bride

And what if the *someone* was your BFF, a friend, sibling or spouse...

 Things were said to me this weekend but I will NEVER forget as long as I live. There was an aplogy (via email) but I may not be able to get over it.

shopgirl78

more info needed

depends on what was said

DaiLyght

Well, without knowing all of the circumstances, it's hard to say if I could forgive or not. It can be argued that being under the influence doesn't make you say things that aren't true, but only more likely to say the things you feel but wouldn't normally say aloud. Sorry it happened to you

Jodi&Joe

You need time.  This weekend is WAY too close to expect anything of yourself --- other than being hurt.

minnasmommy

I agree with shopgirl....need more info.

sorry the person hurt your feelings! ?

winery

Depends on how hurtful it was.  And who said it.

Many times, alcohol brings out the truth.

 

  I'm sorry.

Kapalua

yeah, it depends on what was said...but I find alcohol to be more of a truth serum than anything.  People say stuff that they wouldn't say sober-but it doesn't mean it's not something they really think. 

sweetie1528

an email apology is bs imo.  I might be able to move on, but really never would forget.  my mil has said and done some horrendous things over the years and b/c she is smiling and kissing up now, she things that all should be forgiven and forgotten.  no focking way.  if it's that horrible, I could never forget and I am not the type to hold grudges.  I think that it would be foolish to forget.  just mo.

hugs to you.  you've have a hard time lately. 

Jamaica_Bride

I'm thinking it was truth serum.

I'm not going into what was said or who said it- it's like admitting something that is WAY bigger than me.

 

Just wondering if ppl thought it was like truth serum.

Jaylea

Would totally depend on what was said, the relationship and the apology.

meggieroo

Depends on what was said and by whom.  I wouldn't forgive somebody solely on the basis that they were drunk because I don't think alcohol makes people do things, it just makes it easier for them do/say things they already wanted to anyway.

BubblyToes

I totally think alcohol lowers the inhibitions and allows people to speak the truth (at least as they see it).  An email apology is lame, IMO.  It would really depend on what was said, I may forgive, but I NEVER forget.  It would probably be a friendship ender for me.

Zenya

It depends on if what they said was true.

PoundCake

Honestly, I may.  Sometimes things are said just to be hurtful.   I think you need to talk it out.

excitedtobemrs

What do they say?  A sober mans thoughts are a drunken mans words?

I believe that to be true.

kjlrs

More than likely I could forgive and move on, but not forget.

 

Perfect example: I was in Vegas with some close friends, one of which was beyond drunk. After taking care of her all night and dropping her off in her room, she kept saying that I was going to go sleep with this guy we had met (long story short, guy was flirty w me, i told him no chance but he had given me his number in case our two groups wanted to meet up - we never did, nothing more to it). She was saying it over and over again, telling me to be careful when I went to sleep with him. I'm married and was really, really offended. I felt like she must secretly think I'm a whore. I forgave her and really don't think there was anything more to it - she was laughing at herself when she heard what she had said - but I have to admit that to this day I still think of it whenever guy friends come up or anything. I think to myself "great, she's thinking to herself that i sleep with joe", etc. It's sad.

Flem052204

kjlrs:

More than likely I could forgive and move on, but not forget.

 

Perfect example: I was in Vegas with some close friends, one of which was beyond drunk. After taking care of her all night and dropping her off in her room, she kept saying that I was going to go sleep with this guy we had met (long story short, guy was flirty w me, i told him no chance but he had given me his number in case our two groups wanted to meet up - we never did, nothing more to it). She was saying it over and over again, telling me to be careful when I went to sleep with him. I'm married and was really, really offended. I felt like she must secretly think I'm a whore. I forgave her and really don't think there was anything more to it - she was laughing at herself when she heard what she had said - but I have to admit that to this day I still think of it whenever guy friends come up or anything. I think to myself "great, she's thinking to herself that i sleep with joe", etc. It's sad.

 

I really think that in this case, the friend insinuating that you would cheat says more about HER character than yours.  The Gallup Organization is a well known polling company.  They do pre-employment screens, also.  Their screens are full of questions along the lines of "Do you think others (fill in the blank)?"  (Do you think others are honest?  Do you think others are ethical?" etc.)  It turns out, after years of research, they have discovred that we often attribute our flaws to society in general.  If we are dishonest ourselves, we will say that people in general, are dishonest and can't be trusted.  Humans, essentially, don't want to be alone in their flaws.

So when this friend suggests you might hook up, despite being married, I bet she's really letting you know that she has either thought about it or done it herself.

Without knowing more about what was said to the original poster, I would say to also suggest this.  If the accusation was painful because you , yourslf believe it could be true.  But if it seems totally out of the blue and you have no idea whre your friends insults could come from, then she is probably saying mor about herself than you.  If you think she is saying hurtful things to you because she is actually feeling guilty over the same thing, I would probably forgive her but I probably wouldn't continue th friendship.