VBAC

Does this make me selfish?

As I was reading a prior post, it seems like many are torn over the risks of VBAC vs RCS.  I'm really not.

When considering RCS vs VBAC, I know the risks are higher for me during the RCS and higher for the baby during a VBAC.  So, without hesitation, I choose lower risks for me.  I guess I would rather suffer the loss of an unborn child, then have DD suffer the loss and a lifetime without a Mother. 

 

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Re: Does this make me selfish?

  • I won't lie, I think that's a selling point for me too.  Not to be glib about losing a baby, but I have a much different set of anxieties surrounding this birth than last time and a lot of that is a fear that something could happen that would leave my DS without me.  And DH alone to raise him/them without me.  I try not to think about it much but it's definitely there. 
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  • I don't think that you are selfish.  Everyone who has had a c/s eventually has to make this decision.  VBACs are considered safe by ACOG, and the risk of UR is small.  One of the reasons I want to VBAC in the future is so that I can be there for my DS, although the thought of losing a child is something I cannot fathom.  If the odds of UR were extremely high (say 10% or more), I think that I would chose a RCS.
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  • Definitely not. I feel like I'M the weird one because I have such mixed feelings about it. For some reason it is just easier for me to look past the risks to me than the risks to baby, even though I know that doesn't make rational sense. I envy the people who found this decision easy!
  • Also, I didn't find this decision to be easy.  I worry about something happening regardless of which way we end up delivering.  As much as my c/s experience was not negative, by the time I really thought about it, I really really didn't want to go into this delivery with a scheduled surgery.  I don't think I can adequately explain it though.  But as I considered my options more, the things OP brings up were definitely part of my rationale.
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  • imageMrsDT:
    Definitely not. I feel like I'M the weird one because I have such mixed feelings about it. For some reason it is just easier for me to look past the risks to me than the risks to baby, even though I know that doesn't make rational sense. I envy the people who found this decision easy!

    You are not weird at all!  I don't think that there is anything wrong with looking at it from your perspective or cchills.  Every person processes risk in a different way, and I think that it is fairly universal that we all care deeply for ourselves, our children and our future children.  I am fairly confident that I want to VBAC, but there are still days when I feel like a RCS would be the better choice.  I think that it is rarely cut and dry.

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  • I just lost any hopes of a VBAC on Friday -- my personal comfort level was crossed.  At that point, I felt that my circumstances put us BOTH in a worse scenario than a RCS.  So, I scheduled. 

    After I made the appointment, I made sure that DH and I went over this decision again, just like with did with DS1.  If there is a dire situation and DH has to choose between baby or me, he chooses me.  We can make another baby, or adopt or use a surrogate.  He doesn't get another me, nor does DS1.  

    I don't think it's selfish, I think it's practical.   

    Prudence
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  • This was the point I came to in my decision making, as well.  I felt like I had to look at this way.  One option is supposed to be safer for me, the other safer for the baby.  You almost have to decide "who am I going to put more of the risk on?"  

    I said this in another post too, but I just felt like if I die during an RCS and the baby lives, not only is my H left with a newborn baby but a 2 year old as well.  I would be leaving two children without their mom.  It makes me sick to think of this baby dying during childbirth, but I have another child I have to think of and take into account as well.  He needs his mommy, too. :(

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  • imageJaysonandKristin:

    I just lost any hopes of a VBAC on Friday -- my personal comfort level was crossed.  At that point, I felt that my circumstances put us BOTH in a worse scenario than a RCS.  So, I scheduled. 

    After I made the appointment, I made sure that DH and I went over this decision again, just like with did with DS1.  If there is a dire situation and DH has to choose between baby or me, he chooses me.  We can make another baby, or adopt or use a surrogate.  He doesn't get another me, nor does DS1.  

    I don't think it's selfish, I think it's practical.   

    We had a similar conversation before my induction last time, and we will again soon I think.  I know what DH's decision would be (me) but I want to make sure we're on the same page regardless.  

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  • It is a hard decision. I know what you mean. The kid(s) you do have need a mother more than a sibling.
  • image+diana82+:
    Not to be glib about losing a baby, but I have a much different set of anxieties surrounding this birth than last time and a lot of that is a fear that something could happen that would leave my DS without me.   

    I agree.  I am also more scared because I know exactly what happens at the hospital.  Going in to the first, the whole process was a bit abstract.  DH is terrified too, which isn't helping.  I think it's kind of preventing us from TTC.  He keeps saying, "isn't one enough?"

     

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  • Nope, not selfish.  In both cases, we are talking about very small risks.  
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  • image+diana82+:
    imageJaysonandKristin:

    I just lost any hopes of a VBAC on Friday -- my personal comfort level was crossed.  At that point, I felt that my circumstances put us BOTH in a worse scenario than a RCS.  So, I scheduled. 

    After I made the appointment, I made sure that DH and I went over this decision again, just like with did with DS1.  If there is a dire situation and DH has to choose between baby or me, he chooses me.  We can make another baby, or adopt or use a surrogate.  He doesn't get another me, nor does DS1.  

    I don't think it's selfish, I think it's practical.   

    We had a similar conversation before my induction last time, and we will again soon I think.  I know what DH's decision would be (me) but I want to make sure we're on the same page regardless.  

    You know I don't think we had this convo the first time around.  I will be bringing it up this time though for sure.

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  • If the risks were higher, I would not chose a VBAC but where they are now, it's just not even really a risk to me.  I chose my doctor based on knowing that he does successful VBACs all the time, and even when they end up in a RCS, the outcomes are still positive for both mother and baby. 

    I don't think there is really a selfish choice here.  I want a VBAC for a lot of reasons, but to me, I'm not weighing my risk vs baby risks.

     FWIW, I have told DH if ever there were a choice, to chose baby and still chose to go with a VBAC.

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  • I totally agree. It makes me feel so selfish. I really do love DS but he has an older sister and a daddy that I just can't leave behind. I would never want to leave my husband with two kids (not to mention a newborn) after my death. My DH could not handle that. I am responsible for the family I have NOW. I'm so sorry we even have to be put in the situation the make that decision.
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  • imageJaysonandKristin:

    I just lost any hopes of a VBAC on Friday -- my personal comfort level was crossed.  At that point, I felt that my circumstances put us BOTH in a worse scenario than a RCS.  So, I scheduled. 

    After I made the appointment, I made sure that DH and I went over this decision again, just like with did with DS1.  If there is a dire situation and DH has to choose between baby or me, he chooses me.  We can make another baby, or adopt or use a surrogate.  He doesn't get another me, nor does DS1.  

    I don't think it's selfish, I think it's practical.   

    Oh gosh... THIS... Pulls at my heart but exactly how it is. 

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