dreading leaving DD when in the hospital!

Annie Marie

I'm so anxious about leaving DD while I'm in the hospital having DC#2.  It's crazy that this is keeping me up at night.  I've never left her for more than a few hours and the thought of being away for her for possibly days is terrible to me.  I know it's still 20+ weeks away, but how do I prepare myself and DD for this?

Tell me stories about how it will all be fine!

MrsCarroll.6-10-07

For me as I got bigger and bigger and more and more tired I welcomed the overnight visits to Grandmas when they became more regular. We did it to try out half way through my PGcy and then it became more regular every few weeks to get her used to it. By the end poor girl was so bored because I felt so tired all the time. I welcomed the break in the hospital. ;-)

You'll do great and so will she!! GL!!

mayowife

It will be fine, really. To prepare we had DS sleep over my parents house a few times prior to his extended stay while I was in the hospital. We also arranged for him to visit a lot so that he wouldn't miss us and he would know where we were. We planned for DH to be able to stay at the hospital 100% of the time knowing we could always change or minds and have DH care for DS if we felt like he needed us or his own home.

I was in the hospital Wed - Sun. This is how it went for DS: Tue night we took him to my parents and we put him to bed (we had to leave our house at 4:30am for my scheduled c-section the next morning). Wednesday morning after breakfast he and my parents met DH and I at the hospital before my c-section. They waited at the hospital during my surgery and as soon as they heard we were all healthy and safe my parents took DS to their house for his morning nap. After his nap they brought him back to the hospital to be the first person to meet his baby sister. Then they dropped him off at our house and MIL was there to babysit him while he took his afternoon nap and ate dinner. Then my parents picked him up and took him back to their house for bed (my MIL then got to come to the hospital). On Thursday morning my stepmom dropped him off at our house and MIL was there to babysit while my stepmom worked. Then she picked him up after work and brought him to the hospital to visit and back to her house for bed. Friday was a repeat of Thursday. Saturday they brought him to the hospital after breakfast and then back to their house for his morning nap. Then they brought him back to the hospital as we were being discharged so he, DH, new baby, and I could all go home together for the first time as a family of four. Then after a couple hours of being home my parents picked him up again and took him to dinner at my aunts house to give DH and I time to get situated.

smw123

I am having the same issue although it isn't keeping me up at night yet.  I haven't left him for more than a few hours either.  I might have to have a c/s this time around and I'm not very happy about it but I think it's better so that I can plan for DS.  I already told my mom and I am planning on having her stay at our home to take care of him.  I'm have a hard time leaving him at other homes even if it is my parents or in laws because we don't go to their homes often.  I don't want to change things for him since he will have to deal with enough change when the baby comes.  I think it's normal to worry right now and I think everything will be fine no matter what.  I think once labor comes we will only worry that LO is in good hands.  My DH always reminds me that our parents raised more kids than we have so he's sure they can handle DS. 

CaitlinJ22

MrsCarroll.6-10-07:

For me as I got bigger and bigger and more and more tired I welcomed the overnight visits to Grandmas when they became more regular.

You'll do great and so will she!! GL!!

I agree. I was READY to have a break by the last tri. 

We have no family around so it was extra scary for me. Plus DH was gone a lot. When I was 26 wks along, DS was about 15 months and I had a major stomach bug. I had to go to the hospital and get fluids. thankfully he slept the whole night I was vomiting and my friend came and took him for 5-6 hours while I was in the hosp. It was the first time I was away from him for more than an hour. She said he was very upset that I was gone, but he got better and he survived. I was so sick I wasnt even concerned, I knew he was in good hands. That helped me prepare. Next I was in labor early at 36 wks and my DH was on the rig. No family around and it was late. My neighbor came over with her 13 month old and slept here. I got him to bed, and I went into the hospital. He was 17 months. I got back at 2 am after they stopped my contrax and he was up crying. I got him back to bed...but it made me realize, he was fine. He wouldnt remember that. 

It worked out great when I went into labor though. About 3 wks before I Was due I hired a sitter and he LOVED her. She was off for the summer. She had been over maybe 3 times and I went into labor. I put DS down for a nap. My DH was home, and so I called my good friend and she came over and watched him and let our kids play. Then by 6 pm my sitter came over (DH came home once to check on everything) and she put him to bed and bathed him too. My mom flew in at 11 and the sitter went home. I saw DS by noon the next day. So it was only 24 hours that I hadnt seen him. He only stayed for 20 minutes, but it was great. Then we went home that sunday. SO it was really easy and not as bad as I thought. He was happy to see his nana and DH went home once to help out, but mainly my mom was the main caregiver. 

Sorry that was long! You all will do great. I was happy that DH, me and the new baby had about 36 hours to bond without the chaos of my 18 month old You will see that new baby and want that time, because you wont have quiet for a while when you get home

 

 

jgoo

If she's never been away for a night, I definitely wouldn't wait until then. I would work in a few overnight visits before then so she is used to her surroundings & staying away from Mama.

My DS had stayed places overnight before, but I was still a mess. We had MIL stay with him at our place while I was in the hospital because I wanted him to be as comfortable as possible for those 2 days. Plus, the shock of coming home with Sissy would be enough.

The time goes faster than you think. Just work in a few overnights for her before then & keep positive. 

PAmiler82

I agree with others - Those last few weeks I was definitely looking forward to a few days off from chasing Drew around.  And once I was actually in the hospital I was so focused on Lizzy that I didn't have time to pine away for Drew.

We chose to have my parents stay with Drew here at our house - that helped me feel more comfortable.  I knew he'd be in his own home and his own bed and he adores my parents so I knew he'd be happy with them.  He cried when they left.  He was asking for them for days! 

Definitely come up with a set up that you're comfortable with.   DH's parents offered to split the time and watch Drew for one of the days I was in the hospital.  I love them, but Drew knows my parents much better and IMO opinion they are much better with him.  Politely as I could, we turned down DH's parents and instead asked them to help us once we got home from the hospital.  I knew I'd feel much better being away if Drew was with my parents.

sweetpea2003

It will be okay.  I know it is hard, but you and your LO will be fine.

You have gotten a lot of good advice from PPs.  The only thing I will add is to remember that it is important to give yourself some time to bond with your new baby.  Remember what it was like when you gave birth the first time and just stared at your baby for hours?  You will want to do that with baby #2 too.  I missed my DD when I was in the hospital, but I was completely overwhelmed with love for my new baby and KNEW that I had to really enjoy the "babymoon" while it lasted.  Once we were discharged and went home it was a lot more chaotic.  My husband was really good at reminding me to soak up those one on one moments with DS.

I personally was only in the hospital for 36 hours and really missed DD.  But she was in good hands, had fun with grandma, and DH and I enjoyed our quiet time with DS.  (DD did visit us in the hospital the evening DS was born, but it was a very short visit).

NavyPilotWife

It'll be fine :-)  I hadn't left DD1 for more than a few hours before having DD2.  We didn't have any family in the area, so I had to rely on my friends.  She knew the family that she stayed with well and was very comfortable with them.  We did lots of play dates with them and they had watched DD1 a few times, while I went to doc appts.  Anyway, it worked out that I went into labor early in the evening.  I took DD1 over to our friend's and put her to bed there.  She STTN and got up at 7 (I was nervous about her being up too much at night or waking up really early).  I left the double stroller with my friend, so she went to Stroller Strides, as usual.  She took a normal nap and DH picked her up to come visit me in the hospital.  It was a quick visit and then DH took her to our home and put her to bed.  I don't need DH's help in the hospital it was more important to me that DD's routine be as normal as possible. 

SeaMama

I had the exact same anxiety and as a SAHM, DS1 had never been away from me for more than 3-4 hours.  I wrote out a ridiculously long list of his schedule, etc. for the in-laws and my mom and DH was also home to help.  Honestly, it was really hard being in the hospital (I missed him so much) but it was good to spend time w/ DS2 and bond a little AND you will end up needing so much help in the early weeks that it's good if DC1 gets used to other people doing stuff for them because you aren't going to be able to always be the one doign everything anymore.  It gets easier/better and don't worry! 

MrsSteelerTeacherLady

I don't trust my ILs as far as I can throw them and I don't want Jackson's whole life to be flipped upside down so our plan as of now is that J will go to the sitter's like normal.  DH will be in charge of picking him up and putting him to bed.  Then my mom will stay with him while DH comes back to the hospital or DH will stay and my mom will help at the hospital.  DH will return to get him up and dressed and off to the sitters again for the day.  Our sitter is really flexible so when I'm up for it, DH can swing by and get J and take him back when he's ready to go.  

I'm having a scheduled c-section so it's not as unpredictable.