Have people asked you...

HaleyLady

Hello all, new to your board, mostly just taking all of this good information in as I am a newbie. I look forward to picking up some of your tricks and advice over the next months.

I was wondering if people had asked any of you if you used fertility drugs to conceive your multiples. I myself am pregnant with twins, and have already had people hint, or just straight up ask. We did use fertility drugs to help me due to my pcos, and although I am not ashamed I don't think it's anyone's business. It's almost as if multiples sans "help" aren't as special...Not sure what to say to people... and I'm sure when we tell our friends and extended family this will arise again. Thanks

 

klr210

Some people have asked if out twins are natural. Which I think is rude. Most ask if twins run in our family, which I think is just making conversation or small talk.

I think you'll get good at those who are just being rude/nosey and those who are curious or making conversation and mean no harm. Either way, get used to it and while I suggest you don't let it bother you too much, prepare yourself with a stock answer to recite so you can move on from that line of questioning. Some people favor the "why do you want to know" approach. I'm starting to favor the "they're a blessing and a surprise" and then change the subject approach.

klr210

p.s. sorry, I'm tired and forgot my manners!! Congrats on your twins and welcome aboard.

TruN

I find it very rude when doctors askes me are my twins natural. Yes they are. I honestly would had expect what ever god would had given me. He gaved me twins,they are natural & healthy so im very happy with that. Its so annoying to have people just suggestion our twins arent natural. Beause they are. 100%

kmb585

First, congrats on your twins!

Second - yes, people always ask if we used fertility meds (as we were pregnant with spontaneous/ "natural" triplets that we unfortunately lost at ~12 weeks prior to this pregnancy) so when we announced we were pregnant w/ twins, almost everyone assumes it was fertility medications.  Which yes we did use Clomid this time around- but there was only one follicle, so we will have to wait and see if they are ID as they are di/di.  When strangers ask if "twins run in the family" I just say "yes, there is a set on each side" and leave it at that (which is true but they are ID on each side and I know that means nothing as far as increased risk of multiples - but most people don't know that).

Chickandtaco

People ask......ALL the time.  We used infertility drugs and had an IUI.  Sometimes I just say yeah they run in the family.  It's no ones business really! 

lrrb

I have to admit this question doesn't bother me, at all.  I'm an open book when it comes to infertility and I love to share my success story with people.  I guess it would bother me more if they weren't infertility babies and people asked me all the time if they were - but because they are IVF babies I just love to tell people how special they are because they are the babies we thought we might not ever have.  So to me this question is an open door to teach people about infertility etc.  I don't think most people mean any harm in the question but I'm sure some people might not think they are "real twins" and well, I don't give a crap haha.  

pea-kay

yesterday, i took the boys to the zoo. a woman came up to me with a one-word question.

"Clomid?"

i just shook my head and walked away.

kthappy76

Yep, some people do ask.  I think it's just because multiples are rare in the general population (though not among those who have to do IVF to get pg, like us).  We're pretty open, so I usually just tell people.

I think it's funny you think some people think spontaneous twins are less special, because I see people all the time "bragging" that they didn't have help to conceive theirs, like my twins are somehow different than theirs.  Mine are just as "natural", two eggs and two sperm, regardless of what people say.  Identicals are even more rare, but again it's not really that big a deal.  But then again, I didn't anticipate how freak show some people think twins are.

kthappy76

pea-kay:

yesterday, i took the boys to the zoo. a woman came up to me with a one-word question.

"Clomid?"

i just shook my head and walked away.

shellshavintwins

kmb585:

First, congrats on your twins!

Second - yes, people always ask if we used fertility meds (as we were pregnant with spontaneous/ "natural" triplets that we unfortunately lost at ~12 weeks prior to this pregnancy) so when we announced we were pregnant w/ twins, almost everyone assumes it was fertility medications.  Which yes we did use Clomid this time around- but there was only one follicle, so we will have to wait and see if they are ID as they are di/di.  When strangers ask if "twins run in the family" I just say "yes, there is a set on each side" and leave it at that (which is true but they are ID on each side and I know that means nothing as far as increased risk of multiples - but most people don't know that).

 

That happened to us I was on clomid when I concieved my girls, but we only had one follice at my ovulation U/S so we didn't know until they were born weather they were ID or Frat. But twins do run in my family I have a grand aunt and unle who are twins. Then I concieved a second set on no medications ( but lost one at 5 weeks) this January. Since I don't want a third "natural" set I am quitting while I am ahead.

violaplayer

Congrats and welcome.

 

Yes, I get asked all the time if I'm alone. Not when I'm with DH..

 

Ours are spontaneous twins and it drives me nuts when people assume I had fertility issues. Depending on my mood, they may get different snarky remarks. (Start building yours now - this board will help)

We had sex doggy style and ended up with a litter.

They're not twins, just born on the same day and same time.

The store was having a buy one get one free sale and we thought, what the hell? 

That not natural, they're supernatural!

They're like gremlins and multiply. We splashed water on one and well....

They're Bebe's kids. They don't die, they multiply! 

crystaleyes39

We used IVF with our twins and I have gotten a few times already if Twins run in the family. No one yet has asked if they're "natural" but if they ever do or when people do ask if twins run in the fam...I just say "Yes, we have twins on both sides of the fam." (that way i'm not really lying, cause we do..and it's really not anyones business that i dont feel comfortable telling otherwise to).

MrsLnt

The only person who has asked me was the same person who was hoping to have twins because her husband is an ID twin and thought it would be great to "get it all over with in one pregnancy."

People do ask if they run in the family, but it's always seemed more conversational than prying.  Or maybe I'm just dense.  I just say "not particularly. This was just a crazy fluke" and move on. Mine were spontaneous but it's not really anybody's business how these babies came to be. 

NicoleeBonsai

congrats and welcome to the board!

90% of the time i would get the "do twins run in your family/are they natural?" question. it bugged the crap out of me, i would just say, yes they run on my husband's side. no one really realizes that doesn't make an ounce of difference, i just don't feel like telling someone i barely know about our infertility struggle.

 

NicoleeBonsai

kthappy76:

Yep, some people do ask.  I think it's just because multiples are rare in the general population (though not among those who have to do IVF to get pg, like us).  We're pretty open, so I usually just tell people.

I think it's funny you think some people think spontaneous twins are less special, because I see people all the time "bragging" that they didn't have help to conceive theirs, like my twins are somehow different than theirs.  Mine are just as "natural", two eggs and two sperm, regardless of what people say.  Identicals are even more rare, but again it's not really that big a deal.  But then again, I didn't anticipate how freak show some people think twins are.

that is my SIL, who has fraternal B/G twins. the first thing out of her mouth after she would tell ppl she was PG with twins was, "we didn't do IVF!" 

i hope she realized what a jackass she sounded like a year later when she found out we would need IVF to even have hope at having one baby.

Glowconsin

People ask me all the time if my trips are "natural" to which I reply "of course" and change the subject.  In the early days I'd take the time to explain to them how IVF works and why I had help and spontaneous babies at the same.  It just got exhausting and i felt my personal struggles to get her were my business and not theirs.

Mrs. Alice

I get the "do they run in the family?" question way more often then "are they natural/did you use IVF/fertility meds?" question.  Since we have absolutely no twins in our family, I usually say "no, they were just a big surprise!"  Sometimes I will explain that ID twins are not hereditary, just a fluke.  It doesn't bother me too much, but I still get uncomfortable that people will assume things that they probably never would if we had a singleton.  I guess I better get over that because I'm sure the questions will just increase once I have them home.  To the OP, you just need to figure out what you are comfortable sharing and get some responses ready in your head.

cookiemonster03

We just delivered Friday, and were asked several times in the hospital. I'm honestly not sure why they cared.  I do find it funny the nurses all asked "spontaneous or IVF" and always were like "oh, um, ok" when we said IUI. They cannot be the only drugs + IUI twins in NJ!

macchiatto

MrsLee04:

Congrats and welcome!

When someone asks you about fertility treatment say: "Why do you ask?"

This!
It's definitely an intrusive question.