Advice needed re: baby shower

MickeyM04

So one of my best, BEST girlfriends IRL (had to clarify since you ladies are all besties to me these days) is having her baby shower on Saturday.  Immediately post-m/c, I said I couldn't go, too difficult, etc. etc.  She totally 100% understood and was awesome about it.  Well every day since I told her I couldn't go I was feeling like a bad friend and selfish.  I mean this is the type of friend that if you are sick, drives the 20 minutes to your place with homemade soup for you.  And I just didn't feel right not going, even so soon after my loss.  So I told her I would go, and now that I've committed to it (I will not go back on my word to her to go), I am totally anxious about it. 

I have read a bunch of posts about other ladies on this board going to/hosting baby showers and am wondering how you guys got through it...any suggestions?  No one else at the shower other than the mama to be knows about my m/c, so there will be no one there to hold my hand or help me through it.  At this point I'm honestly just thinking about taking a Xanax before I go (so not appropriate, I know), but I'm lost. I have a really REALLY bad poker face so I know better than to trust myself to just "smile my way through it."

Sorry to bring up a sensitive topic, but I know a lot of you ladies have dealt with this exact same situation, and knowing how you guys got through it AND that you were able to get through it, I think will help a lot.  TIA.

Pooftybear

I just went to one of my Bff is KTFU and it was an accident to a guy she barely knew. It actually didnt bother me very much. I kept telling myself she isnt pregnant with my baby and she needs my support.I also kept thinking I will adopt if we are unable to have our own and someday it will be my time.

Good Luck!

Rawr08

I would totally take the xanax, not inappropriate IMO.  I have not been to many baby showers since my loss (yes it was 3 years ago and I still avoid them).  Usually I will go, drop off my gift, play the stupid games, get some free food then leave before they start opening presents.  You can get through it, and if you think you are having a hard time, let your friend know, she should understand.

ufsandra85

i literally just came home from one and it wasnt that bad. ok well it sucked but it didnt suck nearly as bad as I thought it would. yes i was extremely jealous and maybe said "wow i want a baby really bad" once but overall it was kind of fun. i pretty much sat there stuffing my face with sugar... now my belly hurts but I am glad I could support my friend

fireflies0306

i have one coming up in the next few months, for one of my really good friends who stuck around after both boys.  i originally told dh i wouldn't be able to handle her shower--but then this week i emailed her, and told her i wanted to see her first, just us two, so if i'm a mess, then so be it.  she is coming over tonight, since i'm feeling brave today (and i haven't cried yet today, so ya know its time for a cry).  and i am hoping that by seeing her, and talking with her, i can make it to the shower. i like the idea of leaving before the presents.  i am not a shower girl to begin with, and don't like shower games, so i don't think it would be too odd to leave before that point.

i would also take the xanax, if the dr prescribed it, or lots of alcohol!  GL at the shower, and let us know how it goes!   

october_artist

I haven't had to go to a shower since my loss but I did meet up with friends for dinner, one of which had given birth 1 week prior so obviously she brought the newborn.  I was really anxious before seeing her but once I got there and had a glass of wine (not too much alcohol, that could seriously backfire!) I was comfortable and although I didn't hold the baby for fear of bursting into unstoppable tears....just rubbing her little foot and telling my friend how blessed she is was enough.  Good luck, and just keep in mind that none of the women there or the baby growing had anything to do with your loss - release your jealousy of pregnancy and you will be able to be truly happy for your friend.  That is what I had to do.  *Also have a back out plan in case you need to leave immediately due to some idiot making insensitive comments.

coastalmaine

Well, I would completely go for the Xanax...seriously!! I went to the extent of planning a weekend away so I wouldn't have to go to my to be SIL's shower this weekend...well, that isn't totally true...DH and I are going away for our anniversary, but it is very, very convenient it falls on the same weekend.  Best of luck to you my dear, keep your head up and know that one day that will be you sitting there!

ktsnshn

The one I helped host wasn't too bad. I mingled a lot and just kept reminding myself that I was there to support my sister.

MickeyM04

Thanks ladies for your input!  To clarify, the Xanax is prescribed.  Glad that didn't sound like as bad an idea as I thought.  DH actually just said to me earlier, why don't you take a Xanax before you go?  DONE.

chicadelpadre

I'm sorry you're in that position and feeling anxious about it.

I had to go to my SIL's (she was just FSIL at the time though) shower about a month before my EDD last year. She found out she was pregnant after I had already lost my twins and was due about a month before me.

It was hard and I felt that I had to suck it up and go so it didn't cause problems in the family. After the way they acted toward my bridal shower, I'm kind of sorry I did but that's another story for another day.

I got through it by talking to everyone about random stuff, the weather, the decor, whatever else was going on, etc. and not focusing so much on where I was (at a baby shower) and what was going on (cutesy games and opening presents). I participated in some of the stuff and then tried to busy myself with helping serve cake, cleaning up, etc. Sad but true, it was kind of hard to focus on the mom-to-be opening presents when I was trying to slice cake.