FB odd moment WWYD

Mrs_M

Yeah, this is a good one. I don't know how to truly respond, but was bored enough to share this drama, LOL.

 Thirty plus years ago my brother was rumored to get a girl pregnant. He was 18. All I heard growing up was your brother Michael's daughter looks like him. I said, what are you talking about, he has no kids (never married). It was a rumor and Michael said he went to court and had a paternity test taken when she was just 2 that said he wasn't the father. My family knew of this. (long story to go with it, but totally boring) So life goes on, right? Maybe for 27 years.

I am hardly on FB as it is, but one day I was browsing for an old friend. I noticed this picture (where it suggests friends on the right) of what I thought was my brother Michael. I looked a few times, and thought OMG, that looks like Michael. I clicked on it and it was a message with Michael in the subject.  I begin to read it and the girl was basically telling me it was akward to contact me but she was told Michael was her father and she went on saying she wanted nothing from him, just to know its her Dad and a picture of him and if I knew anything about it. 

This BLEW my mind she found me on FB. My brother Michael wants nothing to do with her, if she is his kid, but my question is, well if you took that paternity test? This girl looks EXACTLY like my brother, even with her short hair. It's uncanny the resemblance between them. She's 30 years old and is his twin, pretty scarry.

Anyhow I wrote her and told her I know nothing since I was just 7 when she was born. I heard rumors about her, but my brother Michael said he took a paternity test and it said he wasn't the father. I was nice and told her wish I knew more to help you.

Well, she writes back and said her mother took Michael to court all those years ago and he NEVER showed up. Back then the state didn't go after him, neither did her Mother. She didn't care, and he was getting high or who knows what. She continues to say, well, we don;t need him. I can test with his siblings to confirm I am his daughter. Then she asks, would anyone in your family test with me, I might be willing to pay for it, but no sure because I don't want to get denied.

What would you do? My brother is an acehole, hasn't done crap in his life, drugs are his best buddy and he suffered cancer of his throat. He's a nasty person and I really don't have any interest in him or his life, sadly. His "daughter" on the other hand appears to be this nice person seeking some answer. He already threatened me if I talk to her he would never speak to me. I hardly ever talk to him. I want to help her, but what would you do? Just curious -- thanks ladies! CRAZY huh? 

Peppernut

I'd help her out.  If nothing else, it's good to know your blood-family's health history (throat cancer?) and mental health stuff.  Does he even need to know if you help her?  I'd have no qualms keeping that from him, if he's as irresponsible as you say.

Good luck with whatever you decide! 

BrideBuddies

Sounds like you have a long lost niece. 

I'd do it.  Who cares what your douchbag brother has to say about this.  You're an adult and can do what you wish.

Plus, you might get a nice relationship out of it with the girl.

 

robynlesley

I guess I feel for her. It was brave of her to write to you, assuming she wants nothing more than to know her heritage.  So if it were me, I'd help her out.  Your brother chose a path that harmed himself. This woman seems sincere from what you've said and deserves to know where she came from. She's an adult and is not asking for anything beyond knowing more. It could end at this. Or you could develop a friendship with your (probable) niece. You never know.

MCC1010

I would help her out as well. You may not have a relationship with yout brother but you may get a niece out of the deal. From what you described I would consider that an upgrade.

Strunella

We have a "long-lost relatives" story in our family as well.  Though the details surrounding it are different (my grandfather getting killed in WWII the precipitating factor), my mom recently decided to find and contact her uncle whom she had not seen since she was a young child.  It's been about 5 years now, and she and her uncle have a very nice relationship.  I even met up with her cousin who is my age (and whom my mom has never met) while DH and I were in San Francisco and had a great time.

All this to say, I'd give this woman a chance and get the test done.  Even though it sounds like she's much better off without your brother in her life, it could be a good thing for her to know more about her biological family.  And who knows?  You could end up developing a really nice relationship with her (as my mom did with her uncle) and wouldn't it be great to do that now while you're both still young?

 

 

OCNewlywed

I would absolutely help her out for all of the reasons above, and because it is the right thing to do. Life is short. She may very well be your niece, and your brother sounds like a real jerk.

newbee36

Wow Mr_M! This totally sounds like a soap opera, but the fact that it is happening in real life is giving me goose bumps. Tough situation for you. I am not sure what would I do if I were you, but I think that I would like to meet my "niece" and to get to know her better. If she is really your brother's daughter she deserves a chance. 

It is just crazy what FB  can do to you!  

KerryHS

Wild FB story.  I think everyone deserves to know who their parents are.  While she probably doesn't want anything to do with she seems to want an answer.  I can only think that her mother has been insistent that your brother is her father.  I think it would be nice of you to help her.  Good luck with your decision.  Sorry that you are caught in the middle.

YaraC

I would help her. It must be so hard to not have those answers about your parents. Your brother obviously has nothing to offer her but you can help her understand where she comes from and what if any medical risks she might face. Best case scenario, you might even develop some sort of relationship with her, but if not you will have helped her out. Good luck.

Vincent

I really feel for this girl but it does put you in an awkward spot.  I don't know the specifics of testing but if it doesn't put you out, I would say go for it.  You may find that you have a niece that you could connect with. 

ateytelb

Agree with PP's!

ChavayJakov

Lurker here, but I have an estranged family story as well....

I would help the woman out, but I'd fully let my brother know that that was my plan rather than do it in secret.  It gives him the opportunity to right it without your involvement if necessary; and, it gives you the opportunity to either vindicate his story or for you to help your would-be-niece.  Too, your honesty in the matter may actually help a smoother bridge (if possible) than there would be otherwise if this woman does want more than his medical  history in the future.

Daisiesinmygarden

I would help her, with or without your brother's approval. It sounds like he is just scrambling because an old lie is coming back to bite him. I hope things work out with her if she is his daughter. She may be the best "thing" your brother has ever done in his life and it's neat you might have the opportunity to get to know her.

Mrs_M

Thanks ladies! I think I'll help her out, if she wants to send me the test. Doesn't hurt me any and knowing would be great. My brother Michael lied, continues to lie, so why should she suffer. I would want to know too, either way. I'll update when I know more. I sent her a message that I would test.

lolo2011

Please help her.  It would be so great for you and for her to find each other and if you are related you still have time for a lasting relationship.  If not, nothing lost but a bit of time.  I have an adopted son and would love to find some of his brith family.  Currently we have no contact with birthmother (her choice) but I hope in the future we are able to connect with her or extended family.

Good luck!!!  Let us know how it goes.