May I make a respectful observation/suggestion? Perhaps if you?d shared the relevant details and asked the questions that you actually wanted answers to, you would have gotten helpful responses to your true issue. What if you had posted:
NAPR: help with maintaining friendships with friends who aren?t being very flexible
I have a satisfying social life with my friends. We see each other frequently enough and we do fun things that we all enjoy--like going out to events (like fairs), going out places (like the zoo), talking & laughing over dinners out, and hanging out at one another?s homes. However, for some reason, they get disgusted when I decline invitations to night events such as bars and adults-only parties. Their response is really starting to frustrate me & hurt my feelings; and I don?t know what to do about it.
I suspect that they THINK I decline their invitations just because I don?t like to leave my daughter. To be honest, not wanting to leave my daughter is part of the issue, but really I?m just not interested in going out that late.
I could certainly leave DD at home w/DH for a couple hours while I went to a party, but I just don?t want to. It?s so inconvenient because we only have one car. Also, DH works long hours. So when he IS at home, I?d like to spend some quality time with him. We could also leave her with my parents, but, again, we?d rather spend that time together as a family. I'm really happy with limiting the time with my friends to our current daytime activities.
What should I say to our friends when they ask me to go out at night?
I suspect that the answers you received would have been very different if you'd you?d left out some of the irrelevant details such as the ones listed below. People would not have mixed the two issues.:
--Ever since DD was a week old, my friends, DH's friends, and ILs have been unhappy about our AP lifestyle, which turned out to be pretty hardcore as we've a high needs kiddo.
--Any time I've hinted that we're not going to stop nursing or bedsharing, these people usually freak out.
nurses frequently, and naps and sleeps only with us.
--It doesn't help that she's high spirited, so it looks to these people that we've 'spoiled' her
--she hates other people touching or speaking loudly to her.
You asked a question about explaining your AP toddler, but that's not what you really wanted to know. Given the additional information that you shared [about your situation in later posts], there really is NO REASON for you to explain your parenting philosophy to your friends as an excuse about not going out at night.
I think that the mommas on this board are pretty open-minded and helpful. People were just trying to respond to what seemed to be a very confusing request for help.