Hello Stranger?

wvdreamchick212

Here lately DH and I have not been connecting at all... its like we have become strangers. We don't really argue a lot.. just kind of bicker at times. I really wish things could go back to how they were. Of course with DS its hard to get alone time esp since we dont live around family and friends. I just dont know what to do but dont want to give up. any advice?

auburn76chic

I am just going to say I understand how hard it is. We try to at night eat dinner together and talk about our day if we can. Also after DS is put to bed some nights we will watch TV together or a movie. Other nights, I get on the computer, sew or smock, and he plays playstation or watches TV. During the work day we email each other alot and talk about or day, things we need, or want to do, etc. It helps us keep connected. I won't lie it can be hard sometimes. Its all about balance and making time for each other.

GracieMaeLovey

Ahh yes...we've all been there on some level one time or another- definitely don't give up!  Have you talked to him about it?  He may not even realize you're down to the extent that you are.  Take some time once DS is in bed for the night, grab a glass (or bottle) of wine and talk it out.  And not to get too personal, but are you having sex?  If not, do it- you will reconnect immediately!  GL- you'll work it out!

wvdreamchick212

GracieMaeLovey:

Ahh yes...we've all been there on some level one time or another- definitely don't give up!  Have you talked to him about it?  He may not even realize you're down to the extent that you are.  Take some time once DS is in bed for the night, grab a glass (or bottle) of wine and talk it out.  And not to get too personal, but are you having sex?  If not, do it- you will reconnect immediately!  GL- you'll work it out!

I have tried to talk to him but i'm having a hard time getting him to understand where i feel everything is at because he doesnt think things are as bad as i do. And about the sex, we haven't been able to because 3 weeks ago i got the Mirena and am still hurting.

GracieMaeLovey

wvdreamchick212:

GracieMaeLovey:

Ahh yes...we've all been there on some level one time or another- definitely don't give up!  Have you talked to him about it?  He may not even realize you're down to the extent that you are.  Take some time once DS is in bed for the night, grab a glass (or bottle) of wine and talk it out.  And not to get too personal, but are you having sex?  If not, do it- you will reconnect immediately!  GL- you'll work it out!

I have tried to talk to him but i'm having a hard time getting him to understand where i feel everything is at because he doesnt think things are as bad as i do. And about the sex, we haven't been able to because 3 weeks ago i got the Mirena and am still hurting.

I'm sorry.  Let him know you mean business!  Your feelings are valid and shouldn't dismiss them.  Do you know what exactly is bumming you out?  Is it easier for you to write things down?  Maybe that would help- write down how you feel and either read it back to him or let him read it himself.  I remember a few times durning my mat leave I felt disconnected from DH and it was the worst feeling.  I think it was a variety of reasons- winter blues (I swear I get that Seasonal Disorder thing), PP (stuck in the house) and obviously a major change in dynamic in our household- DS.  We worked through it, but I can't help but wonder if we decide to have another those feelings will pop up again.  Bottom line, he needs to be on your side. 

TiffanyTheMom

It's a post-baby transition. I dealt with this with my H when DS was born. It's so hard- you want this, and he doesn't know where he fits in anymore.

This is kind of where you have to take initiative.  Let him know how he can help you. Not chores, because then he might feel you're overloading him when he's already tired from work. Things like, can you help me run for groceries. Then he feels important you want his input with getting the goods(brands, prices, etc) and you two get some time to talk, even if it is about groceries. Or ask him to go on a stroller walk with you and the baby. I know you're tired, but try to stay up with him one night and watch an old favorite movie or series of his. Make his favorite, time-consuming dinner once this week. Put in some effort to show him you value him. He'll start getting the message.

For us, it's really all about small things- when he comes home, I make sure to give him a kiss and a hug. If I don't, he'll come to me saying, 'Something's missing from my day...' and then give me a kiss. There's not a whole lot of reconnection other than that. It's small, but its enough of a gesture to let the other know we're thinking of them. 

 

wilma007

TiffanyTheMom:

It's a post-baby transition. I dealt with this with my H when DS was born. It's so hard- you want this, and he doesn't know where he fits in anymore.

This is kind of where you have to take initiative.  Let him know how he can help you. Not chores, because then he might feel you're overloading him when he's already tired from work. Things like, can you help me run for groceries. Then he feels important you want his input with getting the goods(brands, prices, etc) and you two get some time to talk, even if it is about groceries. Or ask him to go on a stroller walk with you and the baby. I know you're tired, but try to stay up with him one night and watch an old favorite movie or series of his. Make his favorite, time-consuming dinner once this week. Put in some effort to show him you value him. He'll start getting the message.

For us, it's really all about small things- when he comes home, I make sure to give him a kiss and a hug. If I don't, he'll come to me saying, 'Something's missing from my day...' and then give me a kiss. There's not a whole lot of reconnection other than that. It's small, but its enough of a gesture to let the other know we're thinking of them. 

 

These! I have him help with DD as much as possible. I want him to have time to connect with her too! This adds closeness to both us ...