Not asking about V

ChickensFive

So I went and saw V today...I only got to spend a few minutes with her because I had A & C with me. I was bummed but I'll make up for It. Anyway, I get home and my MIL doesn't even ask how she's doing.

Yesterday, she asked but It was an after thought. My aunt came over to help her with the girls....when I got home the first thing my aunt asked how V was doing. MIL, on the other hand, couldn't wait to tell me how A spit up on my aunt....once she heard my aunt she says 'oh yeah, hows V?'

The last time she went with me to see V she didn't even say hi or bye to her....didn't even look at her.

This shouldn't bother me the way it does.

nasmith882

Im not standing up for her because I have a very crappy MIL who is the same way. For example she came in town for Christmas for 5 weeks and saw T only 2 times for just a few hours..anyways, maybe she is scared or nervous and doesn't know how to deal with it.  But I do understand why it bothers you it feel very unsupportive. After saying that im sorry

kck329

It seems like your MIL has never quite figured out how to do handle this whole NICU thing-she is constantly doing and saying hurtful things. Some of it seems like she doesn't know what to say (ie-the spitting up) and sometimes it seems more deliberate. I'm sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything else. Hopefully when all three girls are home she will be a better grandmother to them all, if not I guess this is a good warning about how things will be in the future. Maybe when you are all less exhausted things will get better.

But, most importantly....how is V? And how are you holding up with this marathon?

ChickensFive

I love my girls so much but there Is a protectiveness for V that is a wee bit stronger than A & C which, Im sure, has a lot to do with her life, from about 20 weeks, being harder for her and I feel a lot of guilt for some things. That and the fact that we almost lost her....I think all of that makes me more sensitive to things if I feel she's been slighted. I don't know.

She Is doing great though, she's 4lbs 3ozs (she was 1lb 2ozs at birth), her eye surgery to has been successful, and she Is In a big girl bed!

kck329

ChickensFive:

I love my girls so much but there Is a protectiveness for V that is a wee bit stronger than A & C which, Im sure, has a lot to do with her life, from about 20 weeks, being harder for her and I feel a lot of guilt for some things. That and the fact that we almost lost her....I think all of that makes me more sensitive to things if I feel she's been slighted. I don't know.

She Is doing great though, she's 4lbs 3ozs (she was 1lb 2ozs at birth), her eye surgery to has been successful, and she Is In a big girl bed!

I think all of this is perfectly understandable. V has had such a hard road and she has fought so hard through everything life has handed her-I can only imagine what an amazing young woman she will be one day! It sounds like she is growing fast--over 4lbs already!--and working hard to come home to play with her sisters.

The guilt is SO hard to deal with-I think we all fight it. I know I still feel like my body failed C even though everyone tells me its not true. You have been an amazing mom to all three of your girls-you've advocated for them, cuddled them, prayed for them, and been next to them every step of the way. Especially V. You are doing awesome, your girls are SO lucky!

JakesBride07

((hugs)) ... I can completely understand what you are saying. My situation is slightly different from the aspect that my IL's are all about A and not so much about B...yes A has had a rougher start and has fought like h3ll for every ounce of life in her body. All of thier questions have been about A...I just feel like screaming sometimes "there are two of them, ya know."

And as for my feelings I am proctective of A in different ways, then what I am of B...

Hang in there...you are doing a wonderful job and the three of them are very lucky to have you for their mommy!