Tired of all the comments about my "tiny" son — The Bump

Tired of all the comments about my "tiny" son

Hi all,

Just venting today.  Cameron's 1st birthday was Monday (we had his party on Saturday).  The party went great other than me being a little emotional.  Lately I have just been fed up with how many people comment how small he is for a one year old.  He actually is in the 10% for his real age which I am very proud of since when he was born (30w 1 day) he was 2lbs 15oz.  It just makes me so mad, they have no idea how far he has come and what a trooper he is...We are extremely thankful for how well he is doing.  

Maybe I shouldn't be offended but it is so tiring when someone says "wow, he is so little" for me to reply, "yep but he's great".  I don't like having to tell the whole world he is some small because of a preemie because that just starts another issue.

I couldn't be more thankful for my healthy boy, INCLUDING HIS SIZE.

Ok.  Thanks for the vent.  


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Re: Tired of all the comments about my "tiny" son

  • kck329kck329 member

    I totally understand-I get tired of that too and DD is only 4 1/2 months actual. I usually reply with "really? She seems huge to me, she is growing so fast!" or something to celebrate her growth instead of focus on the fact that she is a peanut.

    Alternately, you could get an "I'm older than I look" shirt from Its A Preemie Thing. That might do the trick too :)

    And happy birthday to your son! It sounds like he is doing amazing and has come a long way in the last year!

  • I just say, "Well he is huge to us.  He's triple the weight he was at birth".  Then walk off. 
    Born at 31w3d due to severe IUGR & Placental Insufficiency--2lbs 3ounces

    We'll miss you sweet Debbie Girl (4.21.12) and sweet Cindy Girl (8.9.12)
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  • Or you could say "and you're so fat! or ugly etc"

    Rowen Alexander born 10 weeks early 1/28/07

  • Oh, you snarky ladies <3

    Yeah, it's old. I have come to realize that instead of "when are you do?" "do you know what you're having?" the new question is "how old is he?" I get funny looks or double takes from other moms...people without children look confused, like they think he might be small but what do they know?

    I haven't developed a solid comeback yet. I am usually flustered because I'm trying to figure out how to juggle him out in the wild (as opposed to the NICU routine of having a new baby)...and I mumble something like, actually he's a chunk. I'd like the preemie onesie PP mentioned (or you could get the one for ONE year olds!)...but I keep pondering what size & can I really afford that right now? no. must learn to make it myself! :D

  • We still get that with DD and she's almost 2. But, she's a peanut. I anticipate we'll be getting it for a long time. It used to bug me, but now I just figure people are trying to make small talk.
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  • OscarQOscarQ member

    Yup, it bugs me a bit and it flusters me whenever people ask me how old he is - just a can of worms.  Kevin is Failure to Thrive so he's just an all around peanut.  Even if I say he's adjusted age I get funny looks.  Not not hawk the blog but I just posted about this very thing yesterday.

    And 10% for his real age - I'd dance a jig!  I think that is fantastic - good job Mom! 

  • Yup! I started telling people that he is his adjusted age rather than his actual age... and I STILL get "oh he is so small!". WTH? I know he is a peanut... but he was born at 2lbs... ugh! 
  • We still get those comments, and our son is 2.  My husband started telling people that he may be tiny, but dynamite comes in small packages. 

    It does tend to get old quickly. 


  • i get the opposite, and still get defensive. noah was born at 30w1d and was 2.5 and never had a problem gaining...so all i ever hear is "he is so fat. what a chunk, geez, what is he eating"...ugh. the kid doesn't even have a fat roll..and those who say these things never saw him at 2lbs. 

    he will be 14m/1yr adjusted on aug 11, and is 21 pounds. he just got past the 10%tile for his adjusted age (YAY!), so i highly doubt he is large at 10%!

    people just like to make comments w/o thinking. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image noah joined us 10 weeks early.
  • I thought about telling people Scarlette's adjusted age but even at an AA of 5 months, 11 pounds is still reallllly tiny.

    My in-a-rush response is just "Yup, she was born early so she has some catching up to do"

    But yeah, there is a lot of saying the same things over and over when you have a preemie and some days I still feel too emotional to kind of relieve that experience.

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickersPhotobucket Keep up with Scarlette at http://kaylaaimee.com
  • There are some cute onesies on It's a Preemie Thing.  I did not like the "small" comments that baby got when he first came home.  But it was like a smile, and just move on graciously.  My baby was healthy and that is all that matters---he is growing at this pace. 





    imageimageLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Premature Baby tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers image BFP on 07/18/08. Miscarriage 07/30/08. BFP 3/25/09. Confirmed second miscarriage, no heartbeat, no growth beyond 7 weeks, 5/19/09. TTC again, on baby aspirin, due to value of 23 on Anticardiolipin Antibodies. BFP 11/15/09. Brown spotting, Beta 3735 11/25/09, Beta 5602 11/28/09. Anticardiolipin Antibodies now negative, still on baby asprin. On 100 mg of Prometrium (progesterone) until 10 weeks. Good heartbeat at 1st appt. 12/16/09. Started taking fish oil. Perigestational hemorrhage and red bleeding 12/17/09. 2nd Ultrasound-8 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/17/09. Baby measured 9 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/23/09. Good NT Scan on 1/8/10, heartbeat 164. EDD 7/28/10. TEAM BLUE! Aidan Thomas born on May 26, 2010. Baby #2, BFP 11/27/11, EDD 6/5/12. TEAM PINK! Noelle Elizabeth born 4/30/12. Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God.
  • I'm sorry. I'm sure it's frustrating because his size was a stressful thing in the past so it feels personal.

    Just as another perspective, I will say that I really think most people mean nothing of it, even if it isn't very considerate of them to comment on it. My LO was a late-term preemie so she was bigger than your LO at birth but she has always been below the 5th percentile and will probably stay that way for a while (she's just little, as I was, there's no other reason for it) and people always comment on how small she is. For the most part I think people usually mean it in a "how cute!" way, not as a criticism or anything like that. Of course, sometimes they look at me like "aren't you feeding her?" but I try to ignore that. The majority of people just say it because they like teeny babies or because they are jealous that I don't have to lift as much (I'm not being obnoxious, I've actually had many parents come out and say that they're jealous of my lightweight.)

    But I completely understand why it would get to you. Everything is just different when you've seen your LO overcome so much. I'm sure your LO is doing great!

  • imageAviatorJJ:
    Or you could say "and you're so fat! or ugly etc"


    You can always comment back well considering he was less than 3 lbs he's big to us and just walk away.

  • I really appreciate all of the replies....I know in general people aren't judging or mean anything offensive but I can't help but feel that way.   I don't like having to justify my son's size or developments all of the time.  I know that I shouldn't but I feel embarrassed that I have a preemie because I feel defective (don't worry have talked to a therapist about this issue).   I can't help it but for some reason I feel like it is my fault that he was born early.  I feel like a failure that I couldn't carry him until term, or at least closer to....So it feels like everytime someone comments on his size, my insecurities come out...


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  • This helps me, tell people he's built for efficiency
    Jackson W. Holler born 12/9/10 at 7:52 a.m. He is my little miracle baby!! pPROM'ed at 23w1d and delivered at 34w Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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