Finally happened to me :( *Vent* a little long
HPickle23
member
Well, I always felt bad for you ladies out there that have had crappy in-laws, or mother's who hate the name you picked, or anything else I've heard been vented. I guess it was only a matter of time before it happened to me.
So here's my baby shower vent:
My sister offered to throw me my baby shower and after changing the date 4 times finally picked a weekend that worked so that all my siblings could make it to; Aug13th. She planned a co-ed shower since I have two brothers and everyone in my family except one bother is married and has kids, so we wanted to keep it a family affair, not just for girls. She decided to have my shower at a local park close to my dad's house (1hr from us, which is ok) so that everyone had a place to stay and knew where they were going.
So she calls me today to tell me that she's moving the shower to my dad's house because she doesn't want to pay the $75 to rent the pavilion at the park. She has already sent the invitations out saying that the shower was at the park. And these invites weren't just to family, they were to friends of mine and my DH's that have never been to my dad's house. I believe it would kind of be awkward for some people. So now I have to inform our friends that there is a change in location and give them all new directions to my dad's house.
On top of that she also tells me that my mom and my grandma aren't coming because they had a big fight, my grandma doesn't want to be outside if it is hot, and she's not able to get her military discount at the hotel they want to stay at, so that's her excuse. And my mom doesn't want to go because she's mad at my grandma( whom she travels with) and she doesn't want to be at my dad's house (they are divorced). Pretty stupid excuses I feel, to not go to your daughter's baby shower. I could understand if you couldn't get off of work, or you had a hard time traveling or something, but because you can't get a discount at a hotel??
And the icing on the cake??? My sister wants to also turn my baby shower into a big birthday party for her own daughter. Seriously? Offer the throw me a party and then turn it into something for yourself? Thanks!
Am I crazy or is this seriously messed up?
Re: Finally happened to me :( *Vent* a little long
Yikes.
I would've said "Please let me pay the $75, it would be easier than us calling all the guests and I'd rather have my Mom at my shower" but I know everyone will probably say that's throwing your own shower. I just think it's good sense.
If she wants to change the location, and it's her that is planning the shower and sent the invites, then it's her responsibility to call every guest and let them know of the change. Not yours. You shouldn't even be involved.
As for the rest, I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. It sucks when people turn happy occasions into drama-filled, stress inducing disasters. I hope your Mom & Grandma come around and realize what's important. And I'm SO sorry that your sister wants to turn your shower into a partial party for her own child. No matter how nice it is that she's throwing you a shower, that doesn't give her the right to add a second honoree for her own convenience. It's all a little bit messed up. I hope things blow over for you!! Good luck!
I agree with the PPs. Offer to pay the $75 or tell her to call everyone with the directions to the house.
Also tell dear sis that she could have the party the next day after your shower. That way her daughter can be the star of her party and you can still have the limelight from your shower. Also your friends should not have to pony up an extra gift for someone they don't know.
This. You really shouldn't have to pay but she should have done her research ahead of time and been prepared to pay the $75 herself. The weekend of my shower was a big weekend for my family. Friday we celebrated my parents' anniversary, Saturday was a confirmation luncheon and the baby shower and then Sunday was the confirmation. My family made sure that each event was special for who it was intended for and not steal anyone's thunder. This is also unfair to your niece who should have her own party and not have to share with you. And your mother and grandma need to get over themselves. I wish you luck and sorry you are going through this.
i agree with PP, while reading i kept saying "just offer to pay the $75"... but that's me.
as for the birthday party, i'd probably tell Sister that etiquette wise it isn't the best choice.. and maybe politely say "maybe the immediate family can all meet at dad's after the shower for dinner/cake" - if she insists on the birthday party idea. As a guest i would be offended to come to a shower/birthday party for two different people. especially consider you friends, extended family. it sounds like your sister is just trying to be gift grabby for her own sakes, rather then your baby shower.
Wow...just wow.
I'm still fairly early in my pregnancy and no one has mentioned of a baby shower. I know they will...everyone in my family has had one and they just put one on for my cousin.
I'm SERIOUSLY thinking about saying "thanks, but no thanks". Every event in my family is very close to what you just described. My sister thinks she's the Martha Stewart of party planning but in the end does nothing but destroy and aggrivate guests. My grandma/aunts/and mom always get into it. And, there's always bitching about the expense for months to come. So really, with events like these there's no fun in it...just a lot of aggrivation and guilt.
IF this were up to me I would refuse to contact my friends. #1---SHE'S the host, you shouldn't be lifting a finger. #2---it's tacky. They've been invited to an event...not a family reunion at a father's house. I would either tell your sister you'll pay the $75 to keep it where it's supposed to be or she can call it off. OR if you have a good close friend that you can spill to try and see if she'll take over for the friends part of your shower. That sounds like more fun than dealing with the family right now.
First off, I'm sorry that this happened. I'm hoping that with the advice from all these ladies you can get things figured out and your sister will stop being a weirdo money saving freak.
Secondly, if she's going to throw you a baby shower, she should have expected some kind of expense to rent a place. $75 isn't that bad when it comes to renting someplace! So I don't know if she's just trying to be cheap since she's trying to throw her daughter's birthday party as well, or if she is actually cheap all the time. That's pretty crazy that she's being selfish enough. If it comes down to it, I'd pay the fee myself.
Third, not your responsibility to call people and tell them that the party has been moved. She's throwing it, she's calling. You get to provide her with the dozens of numbers. It's her problem that she doesn't want to pay the money. Now she gets to listen to the dozens of people asking why it's being moved and try to explain her way out of that.
And finally. Throwing your daughter's birthday shower and your sister's baby shower in the same event? Talk about tacky. I don't care if it's even a little bit cheaper. You don't do that. It's rude. And your daughter definitely doesn't want to watch her darling aunt open a bunch of baby gifts. Selfish. I wish some people would learn.
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I don't see a problem with offering to pay the $75 dollars. But put your foot down when it comes to the birthday party. That is messed up. It is supposed to be your day, and you shouldn't have to share it.
Hope everything works out for you.
Obviously your sister isn't 12 years old but she sure acts like it from your post. As others have said...I would offer to pay the $75 if the park is still available. She honestly can't be that dumb that she thinks renting a spot is free is she? Anyway, if she INSISTS on having it at your Dad's then count your mom out (especially if she doesn't to go to your Dad's). Didn't your sister think this would be awkward for your mom? Also, if she INSISTS on having her daughter's birthday party at the same time...just call your friends and let them know the shower was cancelled and was turned into a birthday party for your niece. You could also tell your sister that your friends would feel awkward going to a shower for you and find out there is a birthday party for a kid they didn't "plan" to attend. If you let your friends know what is going on maybe one will suggest just going out to lunch one day (especially if they have already purchased your gift) and you can all celebrate that way.
BTW...this is exactly why I insist on ladies only showers. Don't have to worry about men OR kids! lol
Ditto! I think offering to pay that fee (pretty reasonable) is totally fine and not tacky.Especially since invites have already been sent out! Oy.
I would tell your sis polietly but firmly that it's not very appropriate to combine a child's birthday party with a baby shower. Don't forget to mention that her child might feel robbed of a special day to herself, it may help convince your sister.
As for family in-fighting and drama: Oy again. Sorry to hear that. Often, there is nothing you can do but sit back and see if one of them changes their mind. You might want to offer your mother to spend the night at your place rather than a hotel? If you let her know how much it means to you, motherly guilty may bring her around.
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Thanks for all the advice. I don't think my sister was fishing for my to pony up the $75. She knows I only work part-time and we're in the the process of moving and buying a house in Sept. But I guess I would rather do that then go through all the other BS. She didn't even think about my other invited guests that aren't family. I don't think it even occurred to her to let them know the location has changed.
PP, we already have friends from out of town staying at our apartment, so I couldn't offer my mom and grandma stay here as well. Still, they could just pick a cheaper hotel instead of saying no because of a discount.
My DH and I agree that if *** hits the fan, then we're just going to take our friends, say thanks, and go do something else. I love my sister and I appreciate that she wanted to throw me a shower, but I just wish that for once in her life she could do something just for me and stop being so selfish. It's sad that such happy occasions bring out the worst drama in my family.
Did your sister think of this? Your friends are planning on attending the baby shower and probably do not know your sister or her family that well. How awkward for them to have to sit through a birthday party as well. What are they supposed to do when your niece is opening gifts and blowing out the candles?
I agree with everyone else -- either pay the $75 (which is not right), say something to your sister, stick up for yourself to your mom and grandma and if all else fails, hang out with your friends alone. They are obviously the only ones supporting you and your feelings.
ALL. OF. THIS.
Sounds like she made the newbie mistake of sending out the invites before the final decisions were made.
Ugh, if the invitations weren't out yet, I'd say thanks but no thanks to your sister
Yep, this is messed up. I'd keep it at the park, and pay for the pavillion myself. If you DO end up going with your dad's house, it's your sister's responsibility as the hostess to let everyone know there's a change in venue and get them directions, regardless of whether they're your friends or not.
This is just a crappy situation, and I'm sorry this is happening.