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Multiples
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Working MoMs, please come in!
I need help! I'm seriously crashing and burning. I've been back to work for almost two months now, and I don't know if I can handle it! Not only do I miss my girls terribly, but I'm finding it incredibly difficult to get anything done. I work 40 hours a week (sometimes more) and by the time I pick up the girls from daycare and get them home, I only have about an hour with them until they go to bed. After they're in bed I have to hustle to get chores done. I start with restocking the diaper bag, getting my breastmilk ready for the next day, etc., and then I do laundry or dishes or bills or whatever chores need to be done that I have time for before I'm too tired to do anything. Oh, and I have to get dinner and a pumping session in there, too. My husband works longer hours than me, so he isn't a whole lot of help. My house is a disaster, my clothes are unwashed, and my legs are hairy. How do you all do it and stay sane? And how do (or do you?) find time to get everything done?
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Re: Working MoMs, please come in!
Where do you kids go for childcare? This is a great benefit of a nanny. For about the price as a daycare, she can do laundry, dishes, clean, etc. No need to pack bags for them either everyday.
After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
my nanny saves my life everyday! I come home to babies fed, laundry done, toys away, and a clean house. It is still really busy but its manageble. I have also had to start cutting out a lot on our weekends. If we have stuff going on each day I get behind...one thing a weekend! The big stress saver is not having to get them up and out in the ams.
It also is not much more then what we would have paid to have them both in daycare which made the decision for us.
I've been back to work since January. I was full time until June, and since then have been working 4 days/week b/c I just missed the babies too much. I think it took about 2 months for us to get a routine down. Here are things that help me:
1. Ask if you can leave stuff at daycare so you don't have to pack a bag eveyday. We leave a big stash of diapers, extra clothes, their bottles, formula, etc. at daycare. Until we started feeding purees, I didn't have to pack anything at night for the babies. Now, I just send them with a few jars of purees/finger foods, and that's it, unless daycare needs me to send them more formula or diapers.
2. I do laundry in shifts. I put in a load at night before bed, switch it to the dryer in the morning, and then take it from the dryer when I get home, and then fold and put away. None of the babies' clothes get hung. I just fold them and put them in drawers.
3. We pick up all baby toys and all clutter every night before bed. That way, the mess never builds up. We also do all dishes right after every meal, including all bottles immediately after we are done with them. That way, it never builds up. We only own 7 bottles so that we wouldn't get into the habit of letting dirty bottles build up.
4. We've made having home-cooked dinners a lower priority. We just eat a lot of salads, frozen meals, sandwiches, etc. for dinner during the week and have better stuff on the weekends. It saves time.
5. I get up early/before the babies sometimes to get stuff done. Most days, we're up before 5am to get a few chores done, pay bills, exercise, etc. I will say, however, we weren't able to start doing this reguarly until about 6 months when the babies' sleep got more consistent.
6. On Mondays, I make a To Do list for each day of the week, but I only let myself put 2-3 things on it each day--otherwise it gets overwhelming.
Good luck! It's really tough in the beginning, but you'll find your groove. I remember posting something similar about 2 months after I went back to work.
ETA: I work 40+ hours per week but with commute time, I'm out of the house 10 hours per day. The kids are in daycare and with MIL, so DH and I are pick up/drop offs, and we don't have a cleaning person.
ETA2: The other thing that REALLY helped was getting our groceries and dry cleaning delivered. Our local dry cleaner does it for free. Our grocery store charges $10, but it's well worth it b/c otherwise, we were spending all weekend just trying to figure out when the best time to go to the grocery store might be, who would go, what to buy, etc.
Yeah, it's certianly not easy. My legs are still hairy, and it's been over a year.
I agree with pp about getting a house cleaner or a nanny. Or you could just be like me and live in a messy house. I hate that I only get an hour in the morning and a few hours at night with the babies. Hands down the most stressful time was when they were transitioning from that 3rd evening nap. I HATED it. I'd fight them for 45 minutes for a 30 minute nap. Many tears were shed.
But it gets easier. They entertain themselves while I make dinner. We go out on the deck where they can play and I can relax. Also, like Kim, weekends are totally my catch up time. For everything including cooking, cleaning, laundry, and sleep!
Good luck. I'll add you to my list of people to become a SAHM when I win the lottery.
I went back to work when the girls turned 4 months and I don't think I came out of my haze until 6-8 months. My house was not clean and laundry was done on the weekends by the hubby. My mom and MIL were very helpful and came over when needed.
I started pumping right before bed and in the morning, I dropped my in the middle of the night session to keep myself sane. I supplemented with formula when I didn't have enough.
It gets easier
Savannah
Callista
Baby Trail Blog
"Someday we will look at our babies and know it will be worth it. If it was easy, we would not have had our babies, the babies we were meant to have." From Amy052006
Take a deep breath and relax. You are still trying to figure it all out. When the girls were that age, I would get them up and feed them and then put them back down. Then I would finish getting myself ready and then get them up and out the door to daycare. Anything I needed to bring to daycare would be ready the night before. Sometimes I would even shower at night so I could have that extra time in the morning.
I promise it will get easier. You just need to find a routine that works for you and your DH. Good luck!
Ditto to the nanny as PP mentioned. And I might be adding a housekeeping service. I also run errands on my lunch hour. Since I have been back at work, I've done errands such as taking the dog to the vet, picking up tailoring/drycleaning, going to the bank, taking the girls to the pediatrician, etc. I also use my lunch hour to make phone calls. I use Saturdays for the errands that won't fit during the week, like grocery shopping. I spend most of the day on Sunday cleaning house. It doesn't stop.
And as to your question about finding time to get things done -- I don't always find the time. I have paid a few bills late and made a few other unacceptable errors. But I am trying my best and that is all I can do.
Preemie ID DDs; then DS; then natural M/C; now due 10/17
High risk for pre-term: weekly Makena injections
I work 15-25 hours a week and I find it hard to keep up on the days I'm working. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Have you tried keeping things on a regimented schedule? Not necessarily the babies, but chores, dinner, pumping and everything else. The days I work, I find it hard to catch my breath. When the babies go down for the night I stay up and watch tv, get chores done and have ME time. I end up in bed at like 1 am, not good for anyone! While I don't work ft, I do understand your stress. Is working part time an option for you (financially and with your company)? I thought I'd go back ft too until they got here. We rearranged our budget to suit me working pt. Its a different lifestyle then we're used to, but I'm glad we did it.
I hope you guys find your niche and it gets easier for you!
1. Cleaning lady - she comes every two weeks. DH and I try to pick up as much as we can, but it took us a while to come to the realization that the house is going to look lived in. This lasts about a year. It gets better after that.
2. Babysitter - It took us until the kids were almost 2 years to start going out on a "date" at least once a month. Totally worth it. Don't let this fall by the wayside. You and your DH need to regroup and bond as adults.
3. Premade meals - We do Publix about 2 a month. They have meals for 4 people for about $25 - saves time, pretty healthy (includes veggie side, etc..)
4. Pre planning meals - Making a list of what we're going to cook every day. Eat leftovers, have breakfast for dinner.
I definitely could have written this same post a years ago when I went back to work. I thought I was never going to survive. It will get better once they start sleeping through the night - for us that was about 6 mos.
The other thing is just an acceptance that for now things are going to be messy/crazy. I am a relatively organized person so that was a tough one to take, but it really is the only way it will work. You can't be everything to everyone and the most important thing is to take care of you and your little ones.
I agree with PP that having a nanny was easier than daycare.
If you can, try to get a relative or friend on the weekend to watch the twins while you get things done or get out of the house for a few hours. I also took a few sick days here and there so I could have the kids with the nanny and run errands or get my haircut.
2 chem preg, 4 failed IUIs, 2 canc IVFs, 2 BFN IVFs, IVF #5 = BFP!!!
3/23 Beta #1 @ 17dpo = 913, Beta #2 @ 19dpo = 1724, Beta #3 @ 21 dpo = 3240
First u/s 3/29 @ 5 weeks 2 days - 3 sacs 6 weeks 3 days - 3 heartbeats 8 Weeks - Lost Baby C, Babies A and B going strong
I have a pretty flexible job where I can work from home as needed and I work on the weekends during nap time. I do not have a nanny or cleaning lady. My house is neat and tidy but definitely no where near the clean that it used to be. I will probably hire a cleaning lady to come in at least once a month.
1. My washer and dryer start around 5am. I put a load in at night, set the timer, to start rolling around 5am and by the time I am up and showered around 6am I have a load to go in the dryer. I then load the washer, set the delayed start, and when I get home, rinse and repeat. every day!
2. My husband washes, and preps the bottles for the next day. He rocks. He also helps with cleaning and pretty much does 50% of the baby work. We are a team.
3. My daycare lady holds a month supply of diapers, she has a special shelf in her pantry for the twins that has all their food, and I pack extra clothes. I ship through Amazon Mom the diapers to her house every month. hello....huge time saver. And if she is overrun with diapers she tells me to hold off a month.
4. The diaper bag is loaded with bottles the night before, then loaded into the car. That way I do not have to worry about it in the morning.
5. I clean in the morning and the evening. I never really get everything done but my house gets vacuumed three to four times a week and my hardwoods are mopped almost every night. The weekends I get the bathrooms cleaned. The babies sheets are changed once or twice a week. I am basically a machine running around like crazy when the babies are content and happy playing together.
6. On the weekends, it is laundry catch up and cleaning catch up. My mom comes in at least one weekend day and folds laundry and helps with the babies.
Most important, don't be afraid to ask for help. You might be surprised who would love to come over and play with babies while you clean your house, or get a haircut, or..............
The good news is that is does get better
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I had to just accept that I could not work 40 hours/week, commute 2 hours roundtrip each day, make a home-cooked meal, and keep my house clean (in addition to dinner, bath, and play time with the girls). Just can't. I love my sleep, and that is why I won't get up at 5am to exercise. I'd rather sleep until 6am, go to work, come home at 7pm and spend an hour with the girls until they go to bed.
I love that I can leave items at my daycare. I never have to pack a bag for the girls, I keep a stockpile of diapers and wipes there, and they feed them from their kitchen.
Timesavers that I've found are having the girls' outfits ready to go the night before, having easy to cook food ready for dinner (i.e. pastas, chicken you can grill, microwave veggies), and running errands on my lunch hour. Running errands on my lunch hour are my life saver! It's the one hour/day that I have to myself and it's super easy to cruise through the stores without the kiddos. I usually make something for dinner while the girls are playing in the living room.
It's taken a while, but I've accepted that my house will only get picked up and wiped down on the weekend. I've also accepted that there will be dirty dishes in my sink. It will eventually get done, but you can't stress. It'll drive you nuts. And I only get to shave my sashquach, hairy legs maybe once a week.
Aw, hang in there momma! You've got a lot on your plate.
I often think daycare would be tough. We have a nanny that does laundry (folds it, puts it away) cleans the house, washes/preps bottles, etc. And I like that the kids can just bum around in the morning with us in their pjs...do breakfast at leisurely pace, and then 8am rolls around and the nanny takes over. (Oh, and it's cheaper where we live!)
We were committed to a daycare while I was pregnant, but I changed my mind once the babies arrived and we found our (godsend) nanny on sittercity.com three weeks before I went back to work, believe it or not.
Also, sometimes when I feel like I'm about to crack, and the kids are crabby, and house is a bomb, I just pick up the flip camera and press record. Film the crying, film the mess, record my uber-calm-mom-is-about-to-lose-it voice narrating in the background. It makes everything somehow seem at least a little hilarious/ridiculous as opposed to disastrous. Maybe that's weird, but it's true.
It gets easier, although I'm a teacher so I'm off for the summer and still get very little down time and am already worried about Sept. I am also lucky because I get about an hour with them in the morning and about 3 hours when I get home.
Here are things that help me (and my kids are older so some of this maybe stuff to help you out down the road):
We have a sitter one day per wk (the rest is family or H b/c he works nights) and she did the girls laundry the day she was here - that was a huge help!
Now that my girls eat only solids I make a enough pancakes for a wk or 2 and freeze them 1x per wk and lunch for them in bulk and freeze 1x per week and for dinner they eat what we eat. I try to cook dinner after they go to bed and make a lot so we have it for a couple days so I'm not doing this every night, H cooks a couple day/wk too. I also try to cook multiple things at once (i.e. tonight I make meatballs and sauce for tomorrow's dinner and two lunches for the girls, which will be enough for 7 days)
I multi-task and run down and clean the playroom, straighten the kitchen and run the dishwasher while something is cooking.
I save bathrooms and sheet changing and major cleaning and most of the laundry for Saturday during naps (their sheets are done while they are playing in the room with me if need otherwise H will watch while I do it).
I get their clothes out for the next day while they are getting ready for bed.
I do my bills online during a prep or lunch at work.
I do my grocery shopping etc on my way home from work, so once I get home until the girls go to bed I am 100% focused on them and I will not answer the phone, look at a computer, etc unless it's an emergency or a quick call about dinner, etc from H.
It's not easy!! I said to H today, why when we were in my early twenties and had SO much energy did I have all this time to watch TV, read, nap and sleep in and now in our 30s when I'm starting to have less energy our we running around even more.
Obviously you need to do what works best for your particular family, but maybe start with asking your DH which of the daily/weekly tasks he could see working into his routine. My DH works more hours than I do as well, but I couldn't have made it this first year (at least not as happily as I did) without him contributing a ton to the work at home. We have some routines in place such as making a menu and grocery list every weekend and both committing to cook a dinner or two. Whoever makes the dinner cleans it up and packs leftovers for lunches. Maybe that particular idea wouldn't work for you guys, but there might be something. Perhaps he could do bills on a particular weeknight--I know it seems sort of sexist to give that task to "the man," but instead of us doing it together anymore, DH just fills me in if there's something unusual to discuss. Again, do what works best for you two, of course. That's just my two cents.
A cleaning service every other week and just time also helped a ton. Over time breastfeeding/pumping demands go down, and life really does just get easier. Good luck!