So apparently....

jmepurple

I am not the only one with a DB ex who could care less about the beautiful angel that was created.  *sighs.  Long story short....DS father has nothing to do with him.  He insisted on a paternity test, I mean because you cheating would make my baby not yours.  Anyway, DS is his....$723/month....and still not a care in the world about him.  I am afraid that there will be a day that he decides all of a sudden he does want him.  I have been through so much with DS.  RSV with hospitalization, 2 911 calls and ambulance trips to the hospital because of difficulty breathing, pneumonia twice and diagnosed with infant asthma.  And my heart breaks for Lil D.  I couldn't imagine growing up with out a father.  I haven't really ever posted on this board.  But, I am at the point where I need support...No one in my family knows what it is like to be in my position.  All of my friends are married...have families...so they can't really relate.  It's just hard and frustrating all at the same time.

achase123

I'm sorry you're going through this.  How long have you been separated?

jmepurple

Ty. Since I was 12 weeks pregnant.  And he has been non existant ever since.  My oldest son (both of my boys have different dads) has a great relationship with his father.  I am just at a loss.  Last night DS has an aweful attack....and I have just felt defeated ever since.  I know I will snap out of it.  I just thought it would help if I turned to a board where others were in the same boat.

PrettyInPearls23

I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this. My best advice, if you really do fear he'll try to come back into the picture someday, is to document all the time that goes by without any contact from him.

I think in some states there's a certain amount of time that has to pass before a parents rights can be abolished, but please don't hold me to that....just something to look into.

hollinor

I spent years wishing my kid's father was part of their lives....now I thank God that they are not.  My kids are happy and well adjusted, minus the other half.  I don't have to share, or deprogram my kids like I would if they were visiting the other side.  I no longer push for a relationship.  They have nothing positive to add the lives of my children.

And in all honesty, you can't ask for the father to give something he never had.  If he is emotionally bankrupt, and could careless for your LO....then he really has nothing to offer.  That's like trying to make orange juice with apples.  He hasn't got it to give.

There is no need worrying if he's going to show up in your LO's life or not.  That's just wasting time trying to figure out something you can't ever know.  Just document everything he is missing....EVERYTHING.  If the time does come, you'll be ready.  And have the judge ask him when LO's birthday is, like I did, and watch him stutter and prove what a deadbeat he really is.

jmepurple

Thanks ladies!!!  I have been keeping a log of everything.  And you are right...I shouldn't let it consume any part of my brain...but I can't help it sometimes. 

JewlzK

I am both a single parent and grew up as a child of divorced parents.  My dad pretty much didn't see me for the first year of my life, of course I don't remember, but that is what my mom told me.  I think it was mostly because my stepmother didn't want me around.  But he did eventually seek visitation with me and I went every other weekend throughout my childhood, my relationship was never the best with my dad, but now that I'm grown up (30) the last couple of years he has really made an effort.  And I had other father figures in my life growing up so I never felt like I had no one to turn to.  I guess what I'm saying is if he is a good man he will step it up be a good dad someday and if not your child will be fine.  I am now a mom myself, my son's father is in his life and they have a great relationship, but my daughter's father hasn't seen her since the hospital.  I'm not worried about either of my kids because I know I can be both mom and dad if need be.  And you sound like you are doing a wonderful job, keep it up!!!