Intro. and advice
I have lurked on this baord a bit and thought it was time to introduce myself. My soon to be ex and I ahve been together almost 11 years and married almost 6 we have a wonderful little girl who will be 3 in november. It came to light in feb. that he had been having an affair since I was pregnant with my daughter. He said it was the worst mistake ever and begged to stay and do couseling. Against everything I thought I would ever do I agreed. Things seemed to be pretty good so when I was offered a full time job at my school we both agreed it was best for me to turn it down as I had been at least a part-time if not more full time stay at home mom since E was a few months old and we both felt that was best for her and our family and I loved it. Fast forward a few weeks to when the call block on the other woman's number expired and I found a suspicious looking number in the missed calls on his phone. We changed his number and it felt weird to me so I checked the phone records and called a number I thought looked like the ones I had seen on his phone and sure enough it was her and he'd been calling her all along but gotten smart enough obviously to figure out how to delete calls out of his phone. I asked him to leave that day and he had joined match.com within a few days of leaving. I have an attorney since he tries to bully me into things and has called names and threated to hit me in the past as he has a super short fuse. Divorce paperwork and temporary orders paperwork was filed. I thought we had reached an agreement on Child Support and custody but all he cares about is himself and money before anything else so he thought is accordance with that I would drop all efforts to get attorney fees, half of our savings, alimony or a fair division of property. He had been having one overnight a week from wed. morning until thursday afternoon and then was welcome to call and come visit whenever. Yesterday in court he asked for tues. evenings as well and sitting there witht eh judge staring at me I agreed for the next 8 weeks until we go back to court and I have a chance to fix it. I feel like I made the worst mistake of my life yesterday by allowing that and that I am a crap mom who didn't stand up for her child. My DD loves going to her dad's but he doesn't have a babyproofed bedroom or her own bed for her so he claims that he sleeps on the couch and she sleeps in his bed. Problem is she never gets enough sleep there. He puts her to bed late and then she wakes up early and doesn't nap well and then is a crankpot for a day or two and when she gets back and her sleep remains off schedule for an extra day or two (and that;s just with one overnight). He also doesn't follow through with stuff like helping her pooty train because he is to lazy and will say she had an accident so I put her back in diapers. With me she rarely has accidents. This just stinks I feel like all I ever wanted was to be a full time mom and now I don't get to be. I have only been away from her for 2 days with no face time in her life and now it will go to at least 1 day a week plus all the extra hours from me now hving to work full time just to try to support us (that is if he isn't able to force the sale of DD and my home even though its worth less than we owe and I'm willing to make the payments since we both love it and I can't get an apt. for much less). I had hoped that if I agreed to the tues. and they bombed with her not sleeping and things then it would look better for me in the long run and if they went great as much as my heart breaks into a million pieces at being away from her so much then it would be a good thing for her. Any advice? Do you think it was the worst mistake ever to agree to the extra night and now I can't get it back? (also if it makes a difference his work schedule rotates so if he gets half custoday like he threatens to ask for it means she would be in the care of a stranger some days, evenings and overnights with him versus in my or her grandparents care with me which is how she has always been cared for).