Those with later losses...

Tanya+Da

My IRL friend lost her son at about 20 weeks. His birthday is in Aug (it's been 1 year) and I want to do something to recognize it. But I have no idea how. For Christmas, I donated to NILMDTS in his name, but would like to do something different for his actual bday.

I was kind of thinking a birthday card to him. To say, I remember him and celebrate his short life and all the love that he had. But I don't know if that is good, or creepy, or what. Then, I was thinking some sort of loss card to recognize this is a hard time for her...

Can anyone help me think of something that will let her know that I am thinking of her, and I haven't forgotten her dear son on his birthday???

TIA!

Ginger71

My latest loss was only 10 weeks but I think a "thinking of you" or "support' card around the time of his birthday would be appropriate. Maybe you could do a donation to a charity in his name or something to honor him. I do love that idea. I cook for people so I would probably send some food over,too.

may2806

My sister lost a baby at 20w last year. On the baby's birthday this year I called her to tell her I was thinking about her but didn't send her a card (seemed impersonal for such a close relationship as a sister; but then I'm not a big fan of cards). Anyway, in your case with a friend you could send a 'thinking of you' card, which shows support but is also more sensitive than a birthday or loss card. I think a birthday card might be actually more painful because it will remind her that had he lived he would have been 1 years old; and a 'loss' card might also hit too close to home.

MBfromBMC

I think the donations are a really good idea.  Is there another organization that you could donate to this year?

Jackie2200

You are a good friend and it's so wonderful that you remember.  I would think a thinking of you card would be nice.  I would mail a card and also email on the actual day or call her.  Most birthday cards say happy birthday but there's nothing really happy about a late loss so a birthday card for the baby may not work.  I hope some of my friends are as thougthful as you on my little ones' birthday. 

Tanya+Da

Thank you girls so much for your advice. And I am so so sorry for your losses. (hugs)

Nesting.Away

Hi Huney-

I would avoid the "birthday" card, but a "thinking of you" card or loss card would be much appreciated, I am sure. This year several women on the board donated a star in Sophia's memory on her 1 yr anniversary. It meant so very much.

 Perhaps a "Name in the Sand" picture might be nice? Carly is an angel, who does the picture. My Sophia one below is from her. Let me know if you need the info. 

Also, thank you for remembering. Remembering and letting her know it will mean so very much. 

Kitttkattt

I had a loss at 22 weeks. I got a card a few months after saying they had been added to a perpetual prayer chain. It was really nice. I would appreciate the thought behind the birthday card, but I personally would be thinking birthday cards are for the living.