ugh..now daycare wants us to tell MIL to stop holding DD so much

hopeful34

First it was a problem that she (MIL) wasn't following the schedule to a T and now since she made a comment while patting her hip "Maisy lives right here" they want us to tell her to quit picking her up so much. They never said anything before about her wanting to be held now all of a sudden it's a problem.

I'm beginning to not like this daycare and it took me a very long time to find it. She is too strict! She basically wants them to sleep like a switch and not be held alot.

Sigh...what to do....they are only there 2 days a week and MIL has them for 3. I really am in a tough spot because finding a daycare with 2 openings is very hard.

MrsSeli

I'm pretty sure they're working for you and not the other way around. Your day are provider has no right to tell you how to raise your kids. That would really annoy me.

delg23

I would tell daycare to shove it. Or just ignore them. I also agree w/ what PP said.

BLONDRAVYN124

The "follow a schedule to a T" would bother me because its not easy to get a child or 2 on the exact schedule evryday. As for the "not holding/picking DC up so much", now well I think they may be just to help out so the child isn't So Attached or want to be picked up/held All.The.Time. Also it may be just to encourage crawling/standing/walking more on their own at this age. Now if they spoke to MIL rather rudely in every encounter, then that's a whole other can of worms I'd be piissed about. But if you feel they are not an appropriate DCP, then definately start looking for an alternative now. GL

LoveBeingAWife33008

MrsSeli:

I'm pretty sure they're working for you and not the other way around. Your day are provider has no right to tell you how to raise your kids. That would really annoy me.

this. very much this.

ames71

MrsSeli:

I'm pretty sure they're working for you and not the other way around. Your day are provider has no right to tell you how to raise your kids. That would really annoy me.

Absolutely this. I think your DCP is out-of-line. 

hopeful34

I'm just so sick of her telling us how to parent. It is so annoying. I don't want my MIL holding her all the time either but when i'm with her she doesn't want me to hold her all the time so i don't know why she would want held at daycare so much.

It's becoming too stressful to keep the schedule she wants and to worry about each stage they go through. You'd think they were the first babies she has had but that's not the case. She is just too strict and it's getting on nerves. I really don't want to go through the process of finding a new daycare.

They are also teething so i'm sure that's not helping.

LiviMommy

delg23:

I would tell daycare to shove it. Or just ignore them. I also agree w/ what PP said.

THIS. I'm so high demanding with my D's DC that they don't have a choice. If I'm paying them then they work for me.

Erina1004

MrsSeli:

I'm pretty sure they're working for you and not the other way around. Your day are provider has no right to tell you how to raise your kids. That would really annoy me.

Agree 100%  

 

ltate_8

hopeful34:

I'm just so sick of her telling us how to parent. It is so annoying. I don't want my MIL holding her all the time either but when i'm with her she doesn't want me to hold her all the time so i don't know why she would want held at daycare so much.

It's becoming too stressful to keep the schedule she wants and to worry about each stage they go through. You'd think they were the first babies she has had but that's not the case. She is just too strict and it's getting on nerves. I really don't want to go through the process of finding a new daycare.

They are also teething so i'm sure that's not helping.

 

My Daycare provider keeps the schedule that I want and have DS on, not the other way around.  When he is older, maybe down to one nap then we will work on getting him on the same schedule.  I would just politely tell her that you appreciate that she is trying to help, but you will be making the decisions on how to raise your child and if you want advice, then you will ask for it. 

She is offering a service for which you are paying.  If this were a repair man or mechanic treating you disrespectfully and bossing you around would you find new ones?  Why wouldn't you for your child care provider?  I know it is a lot of work, but probably in the end life would be much easier.  Good luck!

ETyorkin

I don't know how daycares work, but I have the scary feeling that if they tell you something and you don't do it, then they just don't pay attention to your child if he/she cries when they're not held. My DS FREAKS OUT if he doesn't see me and he's playing on the floor and my doctor said it's time to slowly start letting him be on his own for bits of time, but I don't do daycare for the specific reason that I'd be afraid my child wouldn't be getting the attention he needs.

 

Maybe it's my excuse, but he has bad eczema and requires a lot of attention and as a result has become a little (a lot) clingy, which I don't mind, but I don't know if a daycare would wanna deal with it. 

Our day will come

Sounds like you need a new daycare.  Or, ignore their snide comments...I certainly would NOT tell your dear MIL to stop "holding" your child. ridiculous.

cg0112358

I guess I'll be the odd man out here. I think the reality is that unless you are prepared to pay for one on one care (or find an extraordinary DCP) there is not much you can do about this situation. 

I think when it comes down to it your DCP is looking after other children as well as your own. She cannot hold your DD as much as your MIL possibly could b/c she cares for these other children, too. If your DD is used to being held and your DCP cannot at the time (feeding/changing other children, etc.) then it is possible your DD may be getting very upset and possibly even crying quite a bit during those times of inattention.

I know that it is quite a tough situation but I think that you'll probably find at most DCs that it would be a problem for your child to require to be held constantly. I know in my state for babies up to 12 months there is only 1 DCP required for every 6 babies and at 12 months it moves to 1 DCP for every 8 toddlers. If your DD is requiring to be held most of the time due to your MIL's attention then she is going to be quite stressed in any situation where she cannot be attended to at all times.

We are actually going through the same thing at our DC right now except that it has to do with rocking DS to sleep. He does not nap at DC. I mean he will literally not take a nap from the time he wakes up at 5 am until he gets home at around 4 or so in the afternoon. We've made his room a dark little white noise paradise and he simply cannot sleep in the infant area where there are so many young babies. Thankfully he is very good natured there even without his nap but once he moves up to the toddler room he will be expected to go to sleep on his own (and at a certain time every day) so we are working on that and even though it is really a struggle for me every DC I have visited expects this. I have actually visited the toddler room during naptime and have been amazed to see that all 16 toddlers are actually sleeping in their cots quietly. I know they will work with DS to get him there but we have to as well.

ETA: Regarding the DCP not saying anything until your MIL made the comment. It could be that they noticed that DD was being fussy but attributed it to something else (teething, for example). When your MIL pointed out that DD was constantly held then your DCP might have realized what was actually causing the fussiness. I could be off base entirely but it does make sense from an external standpoint. 

blondie42107

I gave daycare our routine and their job is to follow it as best as they can.  We do not follow tight timelines like naps at 10am and 2pm, which they like because their daily routine changes with the type of day the other kids are having.

I would speak up and tell them it's their job to care for your children how you see fit and not for you to change your childrens schedules to suit them.

SpartanChick88

The schedule thing is ridiculous... they need to work with your kids on that, but the holding thing I can understand.  We have a couple kids who need to be held all the time and, if we don't they scream... and scream... and  scream.  It starts to upset the other kids but if we have to hold them, it takes away our attention for the others.  If a kiddo is upset we will give them one-on-one, but if they are just needy and always need to be held, it's pretty tough on the whole dynamic.

blondek8

Tell them to suck it up. They're only there 2 days/week and you're paying them to watch your kids while you're at work. You don't need their unsolicited parenting advice.

You're dealing with enough crap sweetie (as per your posts on Multiples re: sleep issues) Tell them to screw off!! They can deal with them for 2 days. Babies don't have on/off switches. Who cares if M is being held by your MIL? Wow this makes me mad for you.

KellyD01

My vote is look for a new daycare! I know how much daycares sucked find one that fit our single... If I had to put my twins in daycare it would make me crazy.  I agree with the  PP they work for you, they do NOT dictate how you raise your children. If she can't see to the needs of your children then maybe it's time to look for someone that can.

kafunder

I think you need a new daycare. The schedule thing I can understand a bit, although they do sound really rigid. But the holding thing is pushing it over the edge. If it's any consolation, DD went through a really clingy phase from 9-10 months. She wouldn't let our DCP put her down or out of her sight. DCP even commented that she was her little hip baby and that DD freaked out if DCP left the room. So, DCP just carried her around all the time. However at 10 months, DD somehow stopped doing that and now she's fine again. Hopefully your DD will grow out of that phase too so it's one less thing to worry about.

jnolts

Okay I would say it's time to find a new daycare. As someone who has a backgroud in early childhood education, it is a DCP job to meet the needs of the children they care for.

I understand that your DCP needs to keep a schedule, but not one that isn't flexible. She not running a Nazi camp for goodness sake!

So glad I have a DCP that will meet the needs of my child and not expect my child to meet her needs! I'm frustrated for you!

JoannaJes

I might be alone in saying this, but I find the part about wanting your DD to be held less to be the most ridiculous of her requests.

Some babies like to be held more than others. It's not because they were trained to be that way. In fact, if your MIL started holding your DD less often, it might make her more clingy in the long run. The fact that your DCP thinks the opposite is what would make me consider other options for care.

I think it's understandable that your DCP can't hold your children all day long. I get that. But to insinuate that they are being conditioned to be held is silly.

brownie123

JoannaJes:

I might be alone in saying this, but I find the part about wanting your DD to be held less to be the most ridiculous of her requests.

Some babies like to be held more than others. It's not because they were trained to be that way. In fact, if your MIL started holding your DD less often, it might make her more clingy in the long run. The fact that your DCP thinks the opposite is what would make me consider other options for care.

I think it's understandable that your DCP can't hold your children all day long. I get that. But to insinuate that they are being conditioned to be held is silly.

ITA.

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jcole32444

I would do your best to find a new daycare! You DCP has seems a little messed up. Perhaps your LO's nap schedual was ment to be different from theirs. Can't they accomadate a different nap time? The day care should not be telling you how to raise your children. You are paying them to watch you kids, not raise them. Tell them to keep their mouths shut!

CourtneyR2N

I think it is time for a new daycare to.  the DCP shouldn't be telling you waht to do or how to parent at all!

My DCP asks me what I want them to, what schedule I want, what sleep routine I have. 

J was sick alot in the winter, so would get used to being held constantly, and the first few days back at dc would be rough, but they never said boo to me about it.

Your DCP shouldn't be making you feel bad about yourself, or telling you what to do.

Kitiara5512

I would tell them that this is what her schedule is and while you do not expect them to hold LO as much, you will raise your child with as much cuddles as you think is appropriate, and that if they do not feel that they can accomodate the schedule that you have set for your child, then to please let you know so that you can search for another daycare that does not have the audacity to tell you how to raise your own child because your childrearing methods are inconvenient for them.

hopeful34

Thank you ladies. I guess i know what i need to do if she continues to be so rigid about things. I appreciate all the input!!