Struggling with self confidence

mlbohannon1120

I hope I'm not alone out there, but even before we found out about this pregnancy, I have always been super self conscious about my body image. Prior to this little surprise nugget growing in my stomach, I was (not super strictly, but doing so none the less) watching my weight and trying to slowly reach my goal of a 20 lb. weight loss. I bought an elliptical machine back in February as a birthday present to myself. Things were going good. I quickly lost about 10 lbs, but the rest have been very slow to shed....then SURPRISE, I'm going to be a mommy. WHAT!? Totally didn't see this one coming.

Ever since I found out, I've been oober obsessing over "getting fat." The DH isn't helping either. He's not a fan of the possibility that I will inevitably gain weight. He told me the other night "I do hope you get a belly, that's what pregnant women are supposed to do. I just hope you don't gain in your face and legs and everywhere else!" Well thank you Captain Obvious! I don't want to look like a whale either, but if indeed, I do happen to gain a little in the face and arms and butt and everywhere else that pregnant women tend to expand slightly, I don't need his criticism. I NEED his support, regardless of what I look like. I have been beyond careful in watching what I eat and making sure to get exercise as often as my energy level will let me. In fact, I haven't even gained any weight yet, but I just feel so pudgy and bloated.

I already don't feel comfortable in my own skin, but are these feelings only going to get worse!? Accepting the surprise of becoming a parent before we were really planning is one thing, but now I feel like I'm having to sacrifice what little confidence I do possess just to grow this thing. I want to feel beautiful during this pregnancy...any suggestions?

icajesica82

I dont think guys get what they are saying.  Fiance said at one point it was up to me if I lost baby weight after.  I (not so nicely) said to him that he will be gone, I will have work, school, homework and a newborn to take care of.  I wont have time to spend 1-2 hours a the gym 6 days a week.

I would just tell H that although you agree that you dont want to look like a whale (I mean who does!!!!) You need him to support you now before you gain anything and he needs to reassure that no matter what you look like he will be happy with you.  Its not easy to eat perfect all the time and he needs to make you feel like you are doing everything right (unless you are doing something TOTALLY crazy.) 

Sit down and talk to him and tell him your fears.  He is you H, that is what he is there for.  Good luck. 

ClaireBear90

You are definitely not alone. Our circumstances/weight/height/insecurities about ourselves may vary, but I know I'm afraid of the weight gain too. I've always been tiny and petite (and I want to STAY that way.) I dread what people will say/think about my weight gain and I'm afraid I will gain a lot of "extra" weight like my mother did and never lose it. I am insecure about my face and my legs to begin with. I wish I had some brilliant suggestions, but I don't really. :-/ However, this will pass. The weight will not come off overnight but the majority of the pregnant women I've known have lost most or all of the weight by the time the baby reaches his/her first birthday. I wish we had a greater respect and admiration for the physical changes that pregnancy brings. We are nourishing and nurturing babies! I hope things get easier for you and that your DH can accept and even admire the changes in your beautiful pregnant body. Remind him that you need his support and that every pound you gain has a purpose - to keep that precious LO safe and healthy! *HUGS* 

pennyandandy

Ditto what pp said, but also, I think you need to sit down with him and have him read some things about how and where pregnant women will gain weight, and how much. He needs to understand the biological processes that your body is going through and support you in them. And then maybe come up with some ways that he can help you gain a healthy amount of weight, like going on walks together, or he could do some cooking and make good, healthy meals, make smoothies or keep veggies chopped in the fridge.

I think everyone struggles with the things you mentioned, but probably more so for you since this was a surprise. Some of us were ready for this change and prepared for it because we were trying to get pregnant, so it may take you a little bit longer to catch up mentally. Hang in there and GL!

mlbohannon1120

Thanks everyone. My DH is very slender, and his family is pretty much the same way. My MIL told me that she didn't start showing until she was almost 5 months, and that I probably shouldn't either. Well, I've got news for her, I have a very short torso, and this baby doesn't have anywhere to go but out. I don't have anything yet except what appears to be a bloaty, "ate a little too much food" baby, but I doubt it will be much longer before I start to get a little tummy.

I guess it just hurts my feelings that the first comment out of DH's aunt's mouth was "My lord, they're gonna need a cart to haul her around when she gets big." She was essentially referring to my boobs because they have always been large, but still. I thought it was very mean. Of course the rest of the family busted out laughing. I wanted to bust out crying.

cathom7

Wow.  This post made me sad ;0(  I want to give a warning, so you won't freak out!  In the last couple months, your face will most likely(as pretty much EVERYone does) get puffy.  You will "look like" you've gained in your face, but don't panic!!!  It's just water retention!  And it goes away within a couple weeks after birth.  Hands and ankles, too...  It's Just Swelling.  Your man needs a talking to.  This is going to change your body.  It will not be Exactly the same after(unless you are extremely lucky, and some are;0)  But that's a good thing!  Think what a MIRACLE your body is creating! 

mlbohannon1120

The in-laws are FAR from sensitive people. And just to reiterate, it was the AUNT of DH that made the comment about the cart... I honestly felt like what she had to say was WAY worse that his comment about how he doesn't want me to gain elsewhere. Of course, I don't think his comment was nice either, but I guess in the context of what we were discussing, his opinion is the same as mine. I really don't want to gain all over, he just didn't have to make it so obvious and blunt. He could have been a little more understanding to my fears and shown support of me rather than re-stating something I'm already having trouble with.

 What's even more strange about his aunt is she is extremely overweight. I would have thought that she would know better than make a comment like that when she's struggled with her weight for many years. Over the years, I've just learned to "ignore" most of what comes out of their mouths. This time it was just plain hurtful and hard to get over.

 DH DID say something when the aunt made the comment, so he does have my back and he knew how much what SHE had to say hurt. Regardless, he could still stand to be a little more on the sensitive side. Thanks for letting me vent!

MommyKarla

Oh sweetie. I know how you feel. I've always been the thinnest member of my family and have been very active. People think it's been easy and that I'm so "lucky". I guess I am in a way, but I am one of the most self-conscious people you will ever meet! I've wanted to have a baby for a LONG time now, so when this pregnancy progressed, I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to help baby grow strong and healthy. 

I'll admit, I do still stress about how I look in the mirror, as I have gained about 8 pounds already and I'm only 10w6d. I was told that some people gain the weight early, so I'm hoping this is not going to be the start of a 70 pounds weight gain, but then again, if it is, so be it. There will hopefully be a healthy baby in the end and that makes it all worth it.

My grandfather told me 3 weeks ago that he could already see a change in my face, and my DH chuckled at my rounding belly (bloat and gas belly) as well. It's hard to accept when we live in a society where we're "supposed" to be thin, I know. In all fairness though, this day an age we're moving past the thin and moving towards the "healthy". 

My only advice to you is to look in the mirror EVERY day and tell yourself that you are beautiful, because you are. And then every bite of food that you put in your mouth, whether it's a carrot stick or a cheeseburger, always say, "Thank you Baby".  After all, this is the one time in life when we are expected to gain. 

There will all the time in the world to lose it afterwards. Your elliptical will still be there, but maybe you'll skip it to take baby outside in a stroller or a hiking backpack! :-)

Remember, you are beautiful and "Thank you Baby, Thank you Baby, Thank you Baby".

Hugs!

xoxo 

tahitiandreamin

I'm right there with you girls.  I've always been very thin and the thought of gaining weight never sat well with me.  Unfortunately, in the last year I have gained about 15 lbs because of medical issues.  As soon as those issues were resolved and I was starting to loose weight I become pregnant.  I've had to adapt over the past few weeks because with bad m/s I have not been able to exercise or eat properly (think carbs, carbs and more carbs) nor have I been drinking enough water (water retention is not fun).  So I've stopped stepping on the scale (because I don't want to know).  I've told my midwife that if she wants to weight me then weigh me but don't tell me.  I'll eat what I eat, how I am able to eat it in order to nourish my LO.  I am choosing not to obsess about what I eat because there is enough crap that we have to deal with during pregnancy.  When you gain weight, think about how good it is for your baby.

 Be honest with H.  Give him the truth... you will gain weight, you will gain extra fat, you will swell up.  Those are the joys of pregnancy and if he's anything like my DH, he has NO clue!  But you also need to make him aware of how much his opinion and support really mea to you.  You need to make him aware that even when you gain weight, he needs to confirm that he still sees you as beautiful.  Remind him that you're going through these changes for his child.  Let him know that even on days when you are super bloated or puffy, he needs to reaffirm that he loves you and sees these changes as a beautiful and natural thing.  Be honest about your fears with him.  It's a scary thing to gain as much weight as you will when you are used to being fit and thin.  Make sure he knows how much you will need to lean on him over the next few months.