you dont have to feel this way

pphshorty

I wish so badly I had the first three months of DD's life back.  I wouldn't have waited so long to ask for help.  I've always struggled with depression but i just dealt with it.  After i had DD it got 100x worse.  I didnt feel like she was mine.  I would cry all the time.  I felt like i was a bad mom because i wasnt instantly attached to her.  My mom and DH kept asking me to go to the doctor.  I finally did.  I was so scared and embarrassed.  She made me feel better though.  I broke down the moment she said "ok, whats been going on?"  I told her how i felt and she said "you don't have to feel this way" that one sentence... somehow gave me hope that i hadnt felt in a long time.  Being on antideppresants has made such a huge difference.  I urge anyone who is struggling with depression to seek help.  I regret so much that i didnt sooner.  I didnt get to enjoy my baby being a newborn.  I didnt feel like she was mine until she was 3 months old.  I regret that and feel guilt about it but at least i have now and the future to enjoy her.