Does DH always go with you to visit your family?

joy143dh

Here's the situation:  My parents invited us over tomorrow.  It's "kids day" at their campground - so there is a carnival, rides, fishing tournament, dancing, etc.   My parents are snowbirds, so they come up to NH May - October.  I like to go see them once a month.  DH went with us last month and the month before.  It's a 1.5  hr ride.  He has nothing to do tomorrow (and even if he said he did, I know he will probably stay up until 3am and sleep all day.)    I am going to be picking up baby stuff/tubs of clothes from my neice's house on the way home (neither she nor her DH will be home, so I have to put all the stuff in my car myself).  I'm 32 wks pregnant.   I'm a little pissed that he just told me that he's not going because "I don't want too."     I promised him a long time ago that I wouldn't "make" him visit my family if he didn't want too, as long as he would never make me visit his.  I have NEVER refused to go visit his family.  I'm pissed and eating ice cream

jettagurl

No, he often doesn't go, but that's because he's working.  If he isn't working, then he'll go.  

In your case, he needs to man up, I think.  If he had previous plans and this is a last-minute invite, that would be understandable.  

Feel free to hold out til he goes next month.

squishywife

My parents live the same distance away from us.  DH always goes for several reasons:

1. We live near his family and see them CONSTANTLY.

2.  We have 3 kids who are absolutely INSANE.

3.  Generally we visit on weekends so he has no reason not to go.

The only way he doesn't go is if I go during the week and he is at work.  I still hate driving all three kids alone, but work is a valid excuse :

But, maybe he will have the house all clean when you return because he feels guilty

J&A2008

We've been together 5 years and he's just made his third trip to see them, four hours away.  I usually take the boys and go while he's working, or the odd trip when he's not, but needs some time home alone.

ak1234

Eh, just let him not go.  The next time you don't feel like visiting his family, don't go.  I don't always go with my DH, and he doesn't always come with me.  Caveat:  My family is 500 miles away, and his is around 1000 miles away.

ghm

No, but I see them frequently (once/weekend and at least once/week). He almost always comes on the weekend. Beyond that, we travel with my parents a lot and DH can't come always. I sometimes see his parents without him, depending on work schedules. 

ilovemygirls

Well some of my family is pretty BSC so I don't 'require' DH to visit w/me.  Luckily for this situation he works a lot so that is always a good excuse.  He always comes on holidays.  Just because you promised to never refuse a visit w/his family, it doesn't mean that he should be held to the same standard.  Sometimes we all just need a day to unwind- who cares what he does with it?  1.5 hrs is not that far away (heck, that can be a commute home for me from work!).  If there's anything baby-related that you absolutely need before the baby comes & you can't lift it, you can send him later. 

A-baybride

No, but my mom is on another continent and my dad is over 2K miles away, so I prefer that he save his vacation time for "real" vacations.

But, when we lived in LA his parents were ~20 miles away, and he took them over almost every Sunday morning.  I almost never went with him, and rarely had anything else planned. There was no point in me going along.  It was awesome being able to sleep in, lounge around without being someone always needing something, go get a pedicure... whatever.  A little time to yourself is awesome, and I wouldn't begrudge MH wanting that for himself. If the baby stuff you're picking up is too heavy to load yourself, you have 2 months left and will probably be going up again before baby gets here, right?

And definitely have your DH take DS to his parents by himself and take a day for yourself before the baby comes.  It's only fair, right?  

Zenya

My parents are in Ireland and my IL's are about 5 hours away.  We don't expect each other to visit the other's parents at all.  It's awesome to have some alone time!  In fact my parents are coming to NY and I'm encouraging DH to stay home.  Why not avail of the fact that I won't really NEED him (my parents, sister can help with the kids).

I definitely wouldn't expect him to spend a day either driving or with your parents.  

" I promised him a long time ago that I wouldn't "make" him visit my family if he didn't want too, as long as he would never make me visit his. "

So why did you change your mind?

And don't go visit his parents every time!  I thought everyone took advantage of days off  

shopgirl78

I thought I answered this but don't see my reply.

We don't visit his family often (9 hours away) but when we do I always come. And its generally only for 1-3 days.  It would be hard for him to travel/drive 9 hours without me.  He doesn't fly.  Plus, I don't like to miss much time with my children and my MIL is a pill.  I don't want her freaking out on my children.  She freaks over the small stuff (not finishing your apple juice).  

When we visit my family we generally go for a week or so, and MH can't take that much time off of work b/c he runs his own business, sometimes he will drive us halfway to my parents house and/or to the airport.  He did come with us at X-mas but it sucks when he comes because we cannot stay as long.  It is fun to go with him to some of our old stomping ground though! 

I like going to my hometown because my BFFs are their anyway and Steph takes fabulous pictures of my kids!!! 

joy143dh

Thanks ladies.  I think I'm just feeling hurt that he doesn't want to go.  DS only sees him 3 days a week (Thurs, Sat, Sun) and is going to be really upset when he finds out that DH isn't going.  DS & I are already going to be gone all day Sunday to a Christening, so DH is getting a "day off" Sunday anyway. I guess I just figured that under all the circumstances, DH would go.  Plus, he always enjoys himself when he's there so it's not like I'm asking him to go and have a bad time. 

Then again, I really want him to come with me next month when we celebrate my parents' birthdays (same day), so I won't push it with him today.    Maybe I'll leave DS home with DH tomorrow and duck out of the Christening early to get my nails done and do a little shopping.

katie.i.do

well, we live anywhere between 900-1700 miles from members of our families so most times we get a chance to visit with either side we go as a family, work schedules permitting. i think he considers my sisters and extended family his family as well, and vice versa.

Jamaica_Bride

Love, I can totally see where you're coming from. 

 

If it's for just a visit S usually doesn't come. He's either working on a project at home of on his bike when I take the boys to my folks. We see my parents a few times a week so really NBD for me. Actually, I like going just me and the boys because we're on OUR schedule- we swim, play golf, go in the boat- whatevs. 

 

If it's for *something special* - like a cookout, a birthday, a holiday he always comes. 

 

Honestly, as of late I have been backing off going with the guy to see S's folk. MY MIL is a thundercunt so I just let them go for their little awkward visit and I stay home. As for holidays, cook outs and birthdays with the ILs - that's a moot point b/c they have never not ever never ever had one.